It's been forever!!

Work is so busy. I can’t even tell you. Every day, I think “This is going to be the day where it goes back to a normal pace”  Daily, I’m absolutely wrong. I shatter that dream within ten minutes of arriving in the office. I’m so burnt out from work, that it’s carrying over into my personal life. I’m more agitated as a parent, a friend, girlfriend, sister, daughter, etc. I can’t help it! I use all of my energy at this place. By the time I get home, I’m done. I want nothing to do with anyone. It’s always extremely difficult the first 3-4 months of the year before it starts to level off.  We just haven’t hit that point yet. I hope we do sooner rather than later because I absolutely need a break. We all do!

 

Anyway, Emerson started preschool two weeks ago, however it isn’t going that well. He is still receiving services, but through a different organization. He has a behavioral and speech therapist like he did before. There was an incident at school the other day where he choked another child. Apparently, this sparked quite a ruckus from the other parent and the teachers were “distraught”. It is now being suggested that I reach out to an external facility to have Emerson’s behavioral health evaluated to diagnose if there is an issue like ODD, or ADD. This is all a result of ONE incident. Remember a year ago when he transitioned into the two year old room from the one year old room? He had such a hard time. That’s when talk of providing services came about. I really do think it’s all due to transitioning and him still not fully talking and being able to communicate his frustrations. I am going to ride this wave a bit before I jump to any conclusions. He is more unruly than ever though, which I’m attributing to the age.  I hope it’s just a three year old phase and it quickly dies out. We will see. I am not the type of parent who lives in denial though. I think I’ve proven that over the course of the year by continuously working with his therapists to further is development and even implementing strategies into our home life. I am all for aiding in his development, but I am not going to seek outside resources until I actually give him the chance to get used to all of this change. His therapist suggested the same.

 

The Emerson situation is stressing me out just like it did last year. I mean, I was beyond stressed that I developed that rash. Remember the burning sensation that I had all over my body? It felt like I was getting shingles, or something. Obviously, I don’t want to develop the same thing, so I’m trying to keep my cool, and to try to not stress about it, but it is HARD. I have so much weighing on me right now. It just makes it hard for me to focus on anything else. I’ve been such a crappy girlfriend for the last two weeks and I can’t help it. I’m in such a funk over being completely bogged down at home and work, that I can’t even give the extra energy to Tim. I’ve been extremely craving space too, which he’s been respectful about. Luckily, he is a very sweet and understanding person, but I wish I could just fast forward and get myself back to normal NOW. I’m just exhausted!! The thought of having to sit down and entertain someone after working all day sounds DREADFUL, even if we are just sitting on the couch watching a movie. On the weekends, I’m completely EXHAUSTED by Emerson, especially with his behavior lately. I just don’t have it in me right now. The last time we spent time together was on Sunday at my sister’s house for the super bowl. We are seeing each other tomorrow to do a Cupid Undie Run for charity. Yes, we are running in underwear. No, I am not excited about flaunting this body all over the city, but I feel bad that I’ve been so distant lately, that I couldn’t really say no. I mean, the guy endures a lot, so the least I could do was say yes to this. Hopefully, I don’t look like a fool.

 

On Sunday, my sister and I are taking the boys to Monster Trucks. God, I am dreading this. Please pray for me that my child is well-behaved and wants to sit there watching. I have fears now that we’ll end up having to leave ten minutes into it because he’s freaking out. That’s about all we have planned for the weekend though. It’s nice to have something on deck instead of sitting in the house.  Speaking of house, we finally agreed upon one for Disney. The dates that we want are actually available too, which is nice. I’ve scoured thousands upon thousands of house listings and finally found one that is suitable for all of our needs. Traveling with a 3 and 13 year old poses so many challenges. I wanted a house that had some toys for Emerson, but an Xbox or PS3 for Isaiah. Pretty  normal, right? WRONG. They either had one, or the other, never both. Yes, we will be busy bees, but the times that we are at the house, it’ll be nice for the boys to have something to do, so that the moms can try to relax. There are four bedrooms with one being a toddler room complete with a toddler bed (not that this mattered), tons of toys, and mickey décor for days. There is also a private pool, which was an absolute must have for all of us. When we’re done sight-seeing and at the parks, we can come home, relax, have dinner, and let the boys swim. We planned some down days as well, so that we can hang at the house and enjoy the pool. I’m excited. I have a lot more to plan though. We need a full park itinerary. We’re only spending one day at Magic Kingdom, so I want to make sure we make the most of our time there and get to do as much as possible. Messing around wandering aimlessly around the park will be a time waster. This way, we can plan our fast passes accordingly. The best part is it’s only going to cost me $1400 and her $1400.00 $700/ person for flight, house, rental car, tickets to Magic Kingdom, and tickets to one of the water parks. It’s so much cheaper to stay off Disney. The house is only 15 minutes away too, so it’s still close with a lower price tag! You always hear people spending $5,000 to go to Disney, but we’ve definitely found the more affordable option. My friend is going for TEN days with her two small children and husband. They are staying at a resort. I would DIE being cooped up in a tiny room for TEN days! That is going to cost a fortune!

 

Alright, guys. That’s all I have now. I will catch up next week!

Em turned three!!

Emerson’s birthday party was absolutely adorable. I couldn’t have asked for anything better. My décor was gorgeous! Young, Wild, and Three was such a fun theme. I’m so glad I decided to do a party instead of going to that indoor pool. My parents, both sisters, nephew, and boyfriend all came to the party to celebrate. Em was so overwhelmed that by the time we tried to sing “Happy Birthday” he covered his ears. He and I ended up having cake and ice cream later after singing and doing candles ourselves. The cake was half-eaten, but that’s okay. He still got to make a wish and to blow out the candles.  Now, I have a three year old! I hear three is a lot worse than two. I’m trying to mentally prepare myself. I’m not sure there is enough preparation for that though. I better hold on tight. LOL

 

This morning, Em started preschool, however he was almost immediately sent home for puking. He has no fever and is fine. He ate and kept his breakfast down, so I’ll call that a fluke. I was pretty ticked. It happened right after I got off the bus. I had to get a ride home just to pick him up from daycare because my bus stops running after a certain point. Thank God my best friend’s boyfriend was around and could pick me up. He was so nice about it too. I posted on my facebook page asking if anyone could help. She immediately came to my rescue. I have amazing friends.

 

Speaking of friends, my best friend and I made amends. We are currently still not facebook friends, but she unblocked me, so that’s progress, right?  I just explained that I didn’t want to be on friendship punishment, therefore If we had to be friends like that, then what would be the point. She understood my perspective, we hashed it out, and that was that.

 

This weekend, we have a birthday party to attend. Other than that, we don’t have much planned. We went to Jump Zone last weekend. It was AWESOME! They had all of these bounce houses and slides for the kids. My nephew and Emerson had a ball. It was a part of Em’s birthday. It felt nice to actually get out to do something. We’ve been cooped up forever.

 

Alright, that’s about all I have. Have a great week, all!

 

Hearts in my eyes

I haven’t updated in forever and I’m sorry! I’m so crazy busy though! I swear, I never have five minutes. Anyway, I didn’t get that job even though I had to interviewed THREE times for the darn thing. Unreal, but it is what it is. I wasn’t even upset when I was told. I honestly think that it might have been too much with Em still being so small. I think I would have handled it fine, but having  to seek out help would have been difficult for me. I hardly ask for help as it is and the times that I do, I HATE it. Staying put seems like a better idea for right now. When the time is appropriate, I’ll consider attempting to look elsewhere. In the meantime, I’m happy here.  What irks me most is that I wasn’t even seeking an opportunity out. They came to ME and asked ME to apply. What a waste of my time.

 

Emerson’s 3rd birthday is on Sunday. Where the heck did the time go? I decided to forgo the plans of the indoor pool and to just have a birthday party for him instead. The cost just made more sense to do a small, family party. Plus, it gives me great joy to party plan and decorate, so it was a win-win. His theme is “Young, Wild, and Three”. We’re going with black, white, and gold décor. I’m very excited about it. It’s going to be really simple, but I think once its all put together, it’ll look like I really put some time and effort into it. I have a lot to do though, so I better move my butt. I need to create/hang a background, make a couple of banners, make miniature party hats, a cake stand, and a few other odds and ends. The party is going to be extremely small. It’s just my parents, sisters, nephew, and Tim (boyfriend). I don’t think I’ve actually typed his name in my blog yet. That was strange. Anyway, it’ll be very small, but I’m holding back on inviting friends from school until at least next year. He  Why not save money while I can?

 

Other than that, things are going very well. I’m so busy at work. It’s incredible. This is our busiest time of year, so I’ve been crushed. It’s exhausting, but I know the light is at the end of the tunnel. This are going so well with Tim! It’s very refreshing and nice to have someone NORMAL in my life who is extremely supportive, patient, understanding, and absolutely amazing. I hope this never changes. I know it’ll fade eventually, but I hope that everything that I am seeing now is still there. He is so great with Em, which is extremely important to me. We will see how that relationship develops as time goes on. From my perspective though, I think he’s a really great person and I feel lucky to have stumbled upon him. This weekend will be the first time that he meets my parents. Hopefully this goes well. I mean, I want them to like him, but honestly, I’m old enough now that it isn’t that much of a factor for me. I make my own decisions and if I like him and Emerson likes him, then that’s all that matters. I feel like they are going to LOVE him though, so that’s a good thing.

 

I worked out during naptime yesterday and at 4am this morning. I’m already sore. My eating has been absolutely on point, but I haven’t been working out, so it’s time to marry the two. I feel pretty good. Once I get over this initial hump, it’ll be easier. It’s always very hard re-starting. I look forward to not feeling like crap though and looking better! It’s just a hard balance. I don’t see Tim very often. On average, probably one time during the week, and MAYBE once over the weekend. I don’t feel that he should be there nightly because Emerson still needs his mom. I hardly get to see Em during the week because of work, so when we get home at night, it’s nice to just spend time together without other distractions. I already have to divide my attention with dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc, so adding another person into the mix feels like I’m short-changing him. Trying to add in working out is an entirely new obstacle. On nights that Tim comes over, I won’t have time to work out , so working out in the morning seems like the best solution, but that means a 4am wake-up call. Em goes to bed a little bit later now, so working out after he goes to bed sucks. By the time I’m done, it’s almost 10pm. I’m trying to fit this all in and to be fair to all sides and to myself. It’s not easy, but I think I’m doing pretty good. On Saturday, Tim came over for dinner. While dinner cooked, we took a walk with Emerson. It was REALLY nice and a nice way to all spend time together without being stuck in the house. He also tried to teach Em how to ride his bike. We had no success in that department. I’m hoping he picks it up before summertime. It’s really nice though to have someone to spend time with outside of Em. I don’t mean that  in a crappy way either. Em is my entire world and no one will ever come above him, but having someone I can talk to and who supports me is so nice! This is something that I have not had…well…really ever.

 

Something strange happened last night, which I wasn’t even going to write about, but here it goes. My “best friend” blocked me on Facebook. I posted a status about fair weather Steeler fans. The Steelers played the AFC game last night and my entire newsfeed was bombarded with people acting like they had watched game after game the entire season. I mean, it was kind of unreal. The commentary during the game was even more comical. I know most of these people have not watched ANY games all season, but were throwing a fit over calls, and over them losing. Imagine if you had invested an entire season into the team and they had lost that close to being in the super bowl. I just thought it was funny that these people were acting like it was the end of the world when I know they only jumped on the bandwagon because it seemed like the “cool” thing to do. I even called my own sister out. She was prepping for the game with food, drinks, and  her Steeler shirt.  I know she hasn’t supported that team all season, but she was posting like she was some die-hard fan. She didn’t get upset about it. She laughed and said “yep, you’re right”. Let me make note that I was never implying that my friend was one of these fair weather fans. I don’t think she’s a fair weather fan at all, but she took the time to comment on MY status defending herself. If you have to defend yourself, then you are probably guilty of what I posted. Before I could even respond that my status didn’t apply to her, she blocked me. Really? Over that?! Grow up. If that’s how she wants to behave, then I don’t even need friends like that. She has been very strange since she moved away. A few months ago, she messaged MY friend and asked if her status was about me talking about her. How weird is that?! It felt very SWF. I don’t get her and I am really sick of it. She is one of those narcissistic people that anytime you post anything, she reads it with herself in mind. Not everything is about her, even though she thinks it is. We have been friends for 17 years. Maybe it’s just run its course. I can never tell her anything anyway. I can never confide in her, or really be candid with her because she is extremely judgmental. A best friend should be able to hear anything, but I’m so guarded already with her. What is the point? I wouldn’t have blocked her though. I was fine with the type of friendship we had. We catch up, we see what is going on in each other’s lives, and we saw her when she visited. We call sometimes. We text sometimes. That is normal to me. I did think it was a bit harsh to block me. She could have kept scrolling. My post was a tag of myself and Emerson watching The Secret Life of Pets. I mentioned that we weren’t watching the Steeler game and that I thought it was funny that people were coming out of the woodwork pretending to be die-hard fans. If you know that’s not you, then why are you commenting? It just seems unreal that she blocked me for THAT. I’m sorry, but that is psychotic. My feelings are definitely hurt, but what can I really do? I’m not going to message her, or even try to have a conversation about it either. She can figure it out for herself. I’m pretty much sick of it.

 

I think she thinks that we should all be kissing her butt because she moved to Arizona from Pittsburgh. Why? That was a choice she made. I am happy here. I am so sick of it being rubbed in my face that it’s warm there year round and she “got out”. Got out of what? You have no friends where you live and none of your blood relatives are there. Yes, you have your husband’s family, but you never see your sisters, nieces, or nephews.  Why would I be mad about still being in Pittsburgh where my entire world is? I love it here. I hate snow, but we only suffer a little bit. Most of the year is relatively nice. I’d rather have our weather than 109 degree temps to where you can’t even step foot outside. We make our own choices. I’m not STUCK here by any means. It’s a choice and one that I am HAPPY with. We all choose our own paths. I don’t think it makes someone better than anyone else though, especially uprooting your entire family. To be honest, this is a very livable city. There are countless things to do. Her comment yesterday, of course, stated the obvious. “I don’t post every time I watch a game, but we miss a lot of regular seasons games because we live in Arizona” Yes, again, we are all aware that you live in Arizona. I am aware that you watch the games. I wasn’t referring to you. Sit down. She will comment, or post anything just to make sure we are all aware of her geographical location.  Completely unnecessary to A. Comment B. Block me. C. #byefelicia

 

Alright, I have to let this go because it will eat at me and I don’t want that to happen. Have a great week, all!!

Update after published:I didn't get the job

Sorry! It has been so long again, but work is absolutely INSANE! I had my third interview on Friday. I feel like it went very well, however I have not heard a thing yet. Cross your fingers and toes for me. I need all of the luck that I can get!

 

Outside of that, it’s been pretty boring. Lots of home time outside of work and daycare. The weather is finally warm this week, but extremely rainy. I’m sick of being cooped up. Last weekend, we went to lunch and the mall with my sister. Em had a ball playing in the mall’s play place. It was nice to get out for a bit. We’ve been watching tons of movies too. I rented five last night. We got Home, A Bug’s Life, Up, Sherman and Peabody,  Open Season 3, and Inside out.  We still have tons of DVD’s that Tim (guy I am dating) let us borrow. We just needed to circulate some other things because I’m super bored with the same, old thing.

 

This weekend, we have nothing planned at all. It is supposed to ice, so that’ll probably ruin doing anything on Sunday like I had initially planned. We will see. Maybe we will head to the movies, or the trampoline park if it isn’t too crappy out. I am going to dinner on Saturday night, so my sister is babysitting Emerson for me. So appreciated. I hardly ever ask her, but I feel like she has done so much for me lately that I shouldn’t even ask. She won $500 at her Christmas party last weekend and showed up on Saturday with $100 to give me. Not only that, but she treated us to lunch, then paid for the random groceries and necessities I needed at Wal-mart on the way home.  I can’t even tell you how much I appreciated that. I didn’t expect it AT ALL and was caught off-guard to say the least. She is always thinking of us even when she should be thinking of herself. I can’t wait to do something nice for her to say “Thanks” for all that she constantly does for us. She picks Emerson up from daycare anytime I ask her, she babysits without question for me, and is always there to listen to my rant. I feel like she does way more for me than I do for her and that makes me feel bad. I know she doesn’t look at it that way, but I do! Her time is coming for sure!

 

Speaking of Saturday night, Tim and I are going to dinner. We haven’t really had the opportunity to actually go on a date aside from me taking a half day at work to spend time together, or him picking me up from work and getting coffee before I grab Em from daycare, or even breakfast before work one morning. Obviously, he comes over to my house to spend time with myself and Emerson, but it’s nice to actually LEAVE the house together too. I’m excited because it’s actually our first actual opportunity to hang out without needing to be somewhere afterward (work/daycare). I also haven’t posted this, or really discussed it much, but we have made it “official” as stupid as that sounds. God, why do I feel like a 7th grader typing that. Like, I am a mother. I shouldn’t be doing this, right? I don’t know. I have such a twisted perception of how I am supposed to be have now that I’m a mother. If I ever let that go, I’d be all set! LOL Anyway, I am very happy. Once I let a lot of fears go and just went with it, it definitely changed my entire perspective. I just can’t believe someone actually thinks I’m awesome enough to want to spend time with. Really? This gal?! PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. He is so nice though and probably way more than I actually deserve. He is amazing when he’s around Emerson.

 

I am balancing fairly well though. I saw him for Breakfast last Friday after I took Em to daycare. He came over on Monday with flowers and adorable shirts that he got me, while he was in Disney for the marathon. So sweet. He didn’t stay long because I had to work that night. He came over on Tuesday night about 30 minutes before Emerson went to bed, so Em and I still got to have dinner alone, and spend some time together before I split my focus. Em and I had Wednesday, Thursday, and today together, along with all day tomorrow before my sister babysits. It’s definitely difficult balancing both on top of running this house, and be extremely busy at work. I’m pretty exhausted, but at least he understands that I still need to be a mom first. Em is my #1. He is in daycare 55 hours a week. He needs his mom and it isn’t fair that he have to share my focus and attention every single day. I think I’m allocating my time very wisely. It’s nice that he is good around Emerson and handles his craziness well. I like that I can marry the two sometimes, so that we all are getting a bit of what we want.  I am definitely not one of those women who puts a relationship ahead of her child, therefore it is extremely important that I balance it out. I think I’m rocking it J

 

I am low-carbing it. Today is my second day. The holidays completely wrecked my healthy eating. I feel so awful, fat, and disgusting. After a few days of this, I know I’ll be back to feeling better, then I can start cycling back in some fruit, and sweet potatoes. It’ll be nice to start to feel normal again. Also, I do not want to put on a swim suit for Emerson’s birthday excursion feeling this way. No joke, I will completely change our plans to avoid doing that! He is too small to even know what our plans are to realize I changed it. LOL

 

Alright, I will catch up with you all later! Have a great weekend!