So, parent teacher conferences was very interesting on Friday night. I left feeling very discouraged, but upset. It was very formal, which I hadn’t anticipated. Emerson is only 2 years old. On top of that, he’s in daycare, not school. I do realize they are a 4 star daycare, which provides a lot of opportunities a regular daycare wouldn’t have, but I did feel it was a bit over the top. Obviously, if there wasn’t something seriously wrong, or concerning, I’d want it to be reported to me, but I do feel as though their assessment was utterly ridiculous.
Our appointment was at 630pm. I picked Emerson up at 515pm, which meant we had to go home for about 40 minutes before having to leave the house to go BACK to daycare. This was annoying for me. I’m exhausted as it is from work. Running around in circles on a Friday night was the last thing I wanted to do. We went home, I cooked a quick dinner, we ate, then ran out the door. We were met with a panel of his teachers, and the assistant director. Because they recently shifted the teachers, he has had more than one. We went over a paper that they filled out. It was chart stating the things he was good at, but also the things that needed improving. For example, they said his fine motor skills are incredible, but he needs to work on using utensils when eating. He does use utensils, but then he stops somewhere along the way, then dives in with his hands. After we got through that, we went over the ASQ paperwork, which was more in depth. I had to fill out a questionnaire prior to the meeting. It was very lengthy, but most of my answers were that Emerson is a normal 2 year old with normal social, emotional, and physical skills. I guess at the end of the survey there was a number that tallied up per points you received with whatever answer you provided. My number tallied up to 15. Theirs tallied up to 55. They were extremely alarmed in the discrepancy between his behavior at home versus his behavior there. Because of that, they suggested that he meet with a behavioral specialist. Of course, my head was reeling. I mean, I am sitting in a HOT room after working a very long, stressful day being told that my son has a behavioral issue. No one wants to hear that. Granted, they are not child psychologists, or doctors, but they do work with children all day, so I would at least hope they had a semi- idea of what assessment they were making.
Their assessment is that he is extremely busy. Very rarely does he slow down. He is constantly on the move from one activity, to the next, often times running in between, which they deem unsafe. I can agree. Running isn’t safe in a small space with other children around, however do I believe that he is the only 2 year old to break a stride when he sees a neat toy that he wants to play with? Absolutely not. They kept commenting on his climbing abilities. They said his fine and gross motor skills are that of a five year old, which is wonderful, but he doesn’t know how to control his impulses with his newfound skills. Well, duh! So, you love that he is advanced and persistent, but are upset that he hasn’t figured out when to use, and not use these skills? To me, that is absolutely ridiculous. They commented on his aggressive noting that he pushes children, and even the teachers at times. Well, I am not going to disagree with them, but I will say this. Emerson comes home with at least 5 bite marks a week. It has recently started to decrease now that he’s moved to an older room leaving the biter behind, but he is still being bit when they shift down and Emerson is exposed to that child. (Yes, I’ve expressed my concern over this). Every day, I am given reports that Emerson was hit, pushed, bit, etc. They shifted teachers in his room because they felt the teacher had no control. These children all thrive off of each other’s behavior. I believe all of the kids in that room show signs of aggression because they see each other doing it. I don’t believe its particular to Emerson, especially with the reports that I am getting daily. They need to crack down there and learn to occupy these kids. Be a bit more firm, so maybe they aren’t so aggressive. Emerson isn’t that aggressive at home. When he is tired, he acts out. That’s when he shows signs of aggression. I don’t think that changes with environment. I think he does the same thing there. I also believe there’s a big communication barrier too. He is talking a lot and saying more words, but he still can’t get his point across. He becomes frustrated then too. From there, his aggression shows. I think if they let him grow a bit more, let his speech come through, and improve, they’ll see his behavior adapt for the better. I think it’s a bit too early in the game to start labeling someone has having a behavioral problem.
I did agree to have therapist shadow him. I’m curious as to what she has to say. The director said that she’d make suggestions for the teachers and how to improve the center to better accommodate Emerson too. Obviously, I wouldn’t take anything to heart without speaking to my pediatrician first. The ped never mentioned anything when we were there last week. She probably already knows that it’s a premature diagnosis at this point. It was just really hard to sit there listening to them make comments about Emerson. Yes, I realize that he will do things wrong, but to have such a discouraging assessment over typical 2 year old behavior really bothered me. Trust me, if he was doing something that out of control, I would have already blogged about it. If I was concerned, you would all already know.
Is he busy? Yes. The bad thing was after they told me that, all weekend I had a thought that he just had a behavioral issue and that’s why he was being rowdy, or misbehaving. Really, he was just doing what he always does. Typical Emerson. He mimics everything I do. Is that really misbehaving? Not at all. It might not be what I want him to be doing, but he’s not doing it to me mischievous. Well, at least not ALL of the time.
Another thing that has recently changed is his sleep schedule. Not long ago, I started letting him stay up later. Around the same time, I started waking him up 25 minutes early in the morning. That resulted in him losing around 1.5 hours of sleep, which is a lot. I didn’t realize it having a negative effect on him at first. I did it during the week, so I wouldn’t have realized it because he’s at daycare all day. Remember, he becomes really hyper when he’s tired. I see this during the weekend when he needs a nap, or it’s close to bedtime. Anyway, after the meeting I had with his teachers on Friday, I was googling a lot of things. One of the things I kept running up against was lack of sleeping aiding in hyperactivity. It struck me at that moment that I had adjusted his sleep schedule to where he was getting less. I keep reading these kids need 10-12 hours of sleep. He was getting around 9 hours. I decided to test this out over the weekend. I started to put him back to bed at his regular time. Bath around 650pm, then bed right after. Sometimes he takes a longer bath, but on average, he’s in bed by 715pm. On Sunday, he slept 715-730am. Over 12 hours. That told me right there that he needs more than the 9 he was getting. Was he still hyper yesterday? Of course. LOL I didn’t think sleep would cure it all, but I’m hoping after a few more days of being well rested, he can start to recede back into a semi-normal behavioral pattern. I also found that when he has an activity to do, he’s more at ease. Letting him just run amuck doesn’t sit well with him. I set up some good activities over the weekend. Yes, there were periods where he was left to his own devices (toys/Disney channel), but we played outside, did a water activity, a noodle activity, and a stacking activity. This was all surrounding errands, and having dinner with my sister at her new house (which is gorgeous by the way).
All I can do is try my best. Try to organize activities to keep him busy and occupied, but to also try to show him that being calm is okay too. He can have his fun, while running wild, but there is a period where he needs to calm down. That’s where I step in with an activity of some sort. I still get frustrated with him sometimes. What mom doesn’t! It isn’t always easy, especially with being absolutely zonked out from work. I’m trying my absolutely best here. It sucks to have to start putting him down earlier, but if it aids in his overall mental health and helps him to perform better, then that is just something that I’ll have to compromise on. It was strange as hell being left to my own devices at 715pm last night. I’m used to not sitting down until sometime after 830pm. Having some extra time back to myself will be nice.
This sounds awful, but I don’t want my kid to have a behavioral issue. Sometimes, I wonder if these daycares need to have issues logged. They need to utilize their tools and resources each month to keep them. They are deemed four star for a reason. I just wish it wasn’t us. That sounds crappy, but I already have enough on my plate. It would be different if I was a part of a team. I could brainstorm and work with a counterpart to come up with ideas to work with his needs. I am beating my head against the wall with this one. I will do whatever I can to help him develop, but it is extremely hard to find the headspace for all of this.
I need a break. It’s work that is bogging me down. Taking the day off isn’t even a solution because I’ll just suffer even more when I come back. I keep telling myself to hang in there. It’ll get better over the next month (I think). It’s always so crazy at the beginning of the year. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to make it there. Another thing stressing me out is money. I am so damn worried that my income tax refund is going to be held up again this year. My sister filed on the 22nd. She finally was provided a refund date today. It took nearly three weeks, which is what they initially said, but I was shocked it took that long. My 21 days isn’t even up until February 24th. I wouldn’t even expect to have a refund date until a few days before. I know I can’t sit here stressing over it, but that’s what I do best. I stress. I just know if the income tax thing would go right, I’d feel a hell of a lot better. Can everyone say a little prayer, please? I will gladly return the favor for all of you.
Ashley
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