Wow, it has been 2.5 weeks since I’ve updated. I am so sorry, guys. This time of year is so incredibly busy at work. I can’t even breathe. I barely have time to pee when I’m here. On top of work, we’ve been pretty busy at home too preparing for the holidays. We’re still up to our usual holiday excursions. We just took the kids to this amazing Christmas light display. They loved it. They had so much set up outside. A bon fire, playground for the kids, live nativity set, snacks, Santa, train, and sleigh rides. We had a really great time doing that. We haven’t done anything since though. Funds are extremely tight, so I’m trying to pinch pennies just to be able to finish up Christmas. I just have to get my sister’s gift and some stocking stuffers for Emerson. I don’t think we’ll be doing much this weekend, or leading up to Christmas. I did have last Wednesday off though and I took Emerson to ride a Christmas train and to Giggles and Smiles, so at least that was something. We’ll just be hanging at home watching movies. Nothing wrong with that. He’s about to get a ton of toys to play with, so that’ll be awesome.
I had a job interview last week. I’m not sure what will transpire from there. It’s for a position within my current company. The pay is much higher than what I am making now, so it would be a great benefit to the family, but the workload is greater and the stress is a lot higher. That’s the only part that scares me. Oh, and travel. I don’t think it would be excessive travel, but I believe at times it could be more towards the higher side. I don’t want to hold myself back over that though. This would be great for myself and Emerson, so I can’t scare myself out of it. My sister already told me that she’d help me when I have to travel. Speaking of Emerson, he is driving me nuts. He is going through a bit of a sleep regression. The last couple of nights, he’s been getting out of bed, waking in the middle of the night, and waking up early. Needless to say, I am absolutely exhausted. I hope this phase is quick. I’ve been spoiled for two years with a great sleeping child. I am not caving though. When I say it’s bedtime, that’s it. I put the door knob cover back on his door last night. He couldn’t get out. I put him back into bed at 1am and that was it. I just know it’ll be a nightly fight until this passes, so I’m already dreading tonight. All I can do is be tough. He is not going to break me!
In other news, I have been “dating” someone. I don’t even know if I like calling it that. I don’t think it’s necessarily dating, but it’s not just being friends either. It’s that weird, gray area mixed in between the two. He is a really awesome person. Nothing like anyone I have ever met before….and that scares the heck out of me!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, to the point where I just want to tell him to never talk to me again. That is so awful. I am not used to someone being completely straight forward with me, and so extremely sweet. I just do not do well with that at all. I guess I am just programmed to people being jerks that I am not used to this. I wish that he would just tone it down a bit. It scares me so much! What’s sad is that girls always want a person like this, then when we have it, we want them to pull it back a bit. I am such a screwed up human being. I try to just roll with it in hopes that I’ll become more comfortable, but so far, that’s not happening. My heart is very icy and hasn’t entirely warmed up yet. This morning, he asked me if I needed him to come over to dig my car out of the snow, so that I could take Em up to daycare, then offered to ride me to work. I just am not used to this at all. I’m very independent and I do everything myself. I declined. He asked last night if I needed him to come shovel our steps/walk. Of course, I declined I don’t really need anyone to do that stuff for me. I should appreciate that he even asked, or even wanted to help me. Again, I have an extremely difficult time with anything like this. I have been on my own for so long that I don’t know that I’ll ever get used to this enough to move forward. The sad thing is I constantly think that he’s being weird just for being nice to me. No! It’s me who is weird!
He said something yesterday about me just getting myself and Emerson home safely, then if we needed anything, he would bring it to us. Of course, I declined. He hasn’t met Emerson yet. I’m witholding that for some time. He doesn’t have any children, but he is very accepting that I have a kiddo. I don’t think that’ll ever be an issue and I think he’d accept Em as his own, which freaks me out! Again, I am trying to work through this. Obviously, that is what I’ve wanted. Someone who is amazing and would be just as amazing to myself and my kid. Now that I could potentially have that, I am absolutely freaked out. This guy is everything that I’ve been looking for. He runs marathons, is very into health/working out, and he doesn’t drink! I love all of that including the fact that he is completely independent, owns a home, has a great career, and is wonderful with his pets. He seems to come from a nice family too. He’s really funny too without trying too hard. The thoughtfulness is so offputting to me though. I think I just need to remember that he isn’t just nice to me. It isn’t an act. It is just how he is. He is just a nice person. I feel bad too because I can’t reciprocate the things that he says and does because it scares me. I don’t know why I am being such a baby. I should just go all in and see what happens. I am my own roadblock though. He has been extremely understanding and patient with me though, so I hope that continues. I just get so locked up over fear. I was never this way before. Being single for over three years has certainly done a number on me! Anyway, I will follow-up as things develop. I’m not sure what will occur from this point. I think being super scared must be a good thing though! It’s nice to have found someone who is actually a great person and not an idiot!
Okay, I will update later. Have a super day, all
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