Mummy is sick of being sick

So, it’s been out 24 hours that I’ve been on antibiotics and I don’t feel like I’m getting better at all. I know it’ll take some time, but I honestly thought I’d start to feel a little better. It really worries me and makes me feel like I won’t ever be able to hear again. This is driving me so crazy! I just want to be able to hear again  We had a meeting this morning at work and it honestly made me want to puke being in a room with many people talking and hardly being able to hear a thing. I just hope by tomorrow I sense some kind of relief. Emerson seems so much better. He does have a cough, but other than that, he seems fine. I’m glad. I don’t want him to be down in the dumps on his birthday, or the day of his party. We’ve been battling this for so long. I honestly am so exhausted with it.

The roads were really bad last night. When I got off of the bus, I walked over to my car, which was buried under about 5 inches of snow. After I dug it out and tried to drive to pick Emerson up, I got stuck in the parking lot. It was unreal. I was finally able to get myself out. That wasn’t even the worst part. After Em and I were in the car, I started to drive and we slid down a hill. I was freaking out! All I kept thinking was we were going to wreck and die. I ended up turning around and barely making it back up the hill. We made it home safely, but not without sliding off of the road several times. I’m PRAYING the roads are fine when I leave work today. I’m so freaked out to drive now! I parked at the park n ride too, so I have a bigger distance to travel before getting to daycare. Then, I have to figure out where the hell I’m going to park because I can’t park in the lot where I normally do, or I’ll get stuck. I got stuck in the daycare lot this morning. I’m just so fucking fed up with this shit.

Outside of that, nothing much is going on. I need to file my taxes. I did them yesterday online, but didn’t file yet. I need the daycare’s tax id, so that I can plug in the $6,000 that I paid them last year. I know how much I’m getting back already. I want to put that money towards getting a better car. Then maybe I won’t have to be this paranoid to drive in the snow. While I was doing my taxes, they asked me some funny questions. “Can Emerson’s other parent claim him” “Did Emerson stay with you more nights in 2014, or his other parent” HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good one, turbo tax! The entire time I was answering the questions I was honestly laughing. At least I haven’t lost my sense of humor.

The girls at daycare are putting together a recipe book. They sent a note home asking all of the parents to send it a few recipe, so Emerson and I made a little recipe book last night! We filled it with a few of his favorite snacks and then a chili dog casserole recipe. Yummy! I know the girls meant for us to just write it down on generic paper, but I don’t do anything that bland. I got out pink cardstock, cut several sheets, tied it together with ribbon, then added adorable blue polka dotted bows and blue cardstock with the recipes written on it. I wrote “Chef Emerson” on the front! Super cute!

Okay, I have to go make some soup and finish up some things here. I hope everyone is staying warm!

Mummy is STILL sick!

Well, we had another very ill weekend. To be honest, I am petrified of weekends now. The last three have been awful for us. Emerson’s birthday party is this upcoming weekend, so I hope luck starts to be on our side and we both have some relief. Please say a HUGE prayer for us. We need health. Not just because of his birthday and his birthday party. It’s been three weeks of misery. We’ve both suffered so much. It’s time.

So, here is what happened. On Saturday, we woke up, got ready, and headed out shopping with my mom to buy Emerson’s birthday cake/cupcake supplies. He seemed a little warm before we left the house. Nothing too crazy though. I gave him some Tylenol and we went on our way. He was still acting like himself, so I wasn’t sure if maybe he was getting another tooth, or what. As the day progressed, he started to look worse and worse. I kept obsessing over how warm he was and asking my mom to check just to see if maybe I was wrong. When we got back to my parent’s house, I gave Emerson some Motrin to bring his fever down. About 1 minute later, he puked everywhere. All over me. It was unfuckingbelievable the amount of puke that came out of him. At the same time, he went completely spacey in his face, and stopped breathing. His entire face turned beet red. It freaked all of us the hell out! He started breathing again, but seemed OVERLY tired. My mom and I decided we needed to take him to the emergency room. His peds was closed by that point, so we just wanted to take him to the closest hospital. I ended up having to borrow a tee from my mom because I was that covered in puke. Anyway, we were seen almost immediately at the hospital. Em had a fever of 101.5. The doctor checked his ears and found that his left ear was very infected, which was probably the cause of the fever and puking. No antibiotics would be given until Emerson could keep some pedialyte down. He threw up so many times at the hospital. The doctor kept threatening that they’d have to do an IV if he didn’t hold liquid down. He ended up falling asleep for a while. My mom, dad, and I let him sleep, then when he woke up, I nursed him. Finally, he kept something in his belly. The doctor gave him some antibiotics and sent us home with a prescription. He seemed world’s better last night. I’m so happy. I just hope he was okay at daycare today. He’s supposed to get meds three times a day. Daycare doesn’t administer anything, so he won’t get another dose until we get home around 5:30pm. His last dose was at 5:50am!

Yesterday, my ear REALLY started to bother me. I was given ear drops last week for my ear infection and thought I’d start to feel some relief. I woke this morning in pain and can’t hear out of my left ear. I went back to the doctors and it was confirmed that I have an inner and outer ear infection now. The outer ear looks a little better, but I guess the drops weren’t reaching far enough into my ear to heal. Now, I’m on a different antibiotic. I’m praying to get some quick relief. I’m sick of not being able to hear! It’s driving me insane!

On top of that, the weather is ridiculous. We were pounded with snow, but lucky because the roads were pretty clear. I hear it’s snowing pretty badly now. I’m at work and so worried about getting to the baby and getting home safely. I cannot stand this weather. I parked closer to the daycare today and caught the bus in a different spot, so that I can just be let off of the bus at daycare at the end of the day. This way, if it’s too bad to drive, we can just walk home. Don’t ask me how the hell we’re doing that. I have a lap top, my pump bag, and I’ll have Emerson and his diaper bag. We don’t live THAT close. It’s not like I can just leave my shit in the car either to come back to get it later. I’d still have to tow Emerson up and back. I am just so fucking sick of this stupid ass weather. I’m sick of bitching about being sick and the weather too. I just want good health and good weather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emerson’s first birthday is on Thursday. I just don’t want sickness, or the weather to ruin it. He deserves to have a fantastic birthday. He’s such an amazing little boy!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t wait to celebrate with him. Party planning is going well. We still need some things, but I’m hoping I can get them this week. I don’t think the snow will be a bother this weekend, but you never know. I hope it doesn’t ruin his party. Okay, I have so much to do! I hope you all have a great week!

Mummy is so busy

I've been so busy that I haven't had any time to blog. Work is at an all time high and very exhausting. I've been busting my ass to avoid having to work nights and weekends. So far, I'm barely making it. I'm off next Thursday and I have a half day on Friday, so I'll be putting in extra hours next week to stay on top of things. I'm whooped though!! On top of that, I'm still sick. I have an ear infection now. I went to the doctors on Wednesday. I was given some ear drops that don't seem to be working. I feel like I'm getting bronchitis now. Chances are, I'll be back at the docs next week. It's been a crazy, unhealthy two weeks. I am more than over it!! Pray for some healthy days ahead!!!!

Emerson is turning 1 next week!!!!!!! I cannot believe it's already been an entire year!!!!!!!!! I can't even express how much this year has changed my life and how much I've learned and grown. Being a mother has been more than I could have ever expected. Watching my little man learn and grow is so freaking cool!!!! Knowing I got us through this first year makes me feel so incredibly proud. I can't wait to celebrate next weekend!!

Alright, I am going to relax, while Em naps. Have a great weekend, all!!

Mummy's Miserable

I haven’t had any time to blog at all. I’m so bogged down at work. To be honest, I am pretty miserable. I wish there was some better delegation and organization. Anytime I say anything though, I’m brushed off. I was told to just work overtime. The problem is I already am! There is only so much I can do when I’m in town. I have to get to daycare by 6pm, so I can’t hang out here all night. We’re only permitted to work from home one day a week. That’s the day I’ve been putting in overtime. I do about 2 hours a day. When I’m in office, I never take lunch and I’ve skipped a lot of pumping too. I’m just exhausted. I hope things start to slow down a bit and get a little better. I hate feeling so miserable and hateful. I won’t go into much detail either, but there is so much bugging me here lately. I’ll keep work out of my blog like I always do, but just know it’s on my brain and really beating me up lately. I’m more than appreciative of having a job, but I think there has to be some boundaries. I don’t feel very respected lately and I attribute that mostly to being a female. It’s been quite evident. I’ll stop now.

Outside of that, the weekend was pure hell. Emerson ended up with a BAD stomach virus on Friday night. Shitting and puking all over! Of course, we ate pizza for dinner, so that was just glorious. I don’t think I can ever look at pizza the same again. I felt so bad. He threw up from 8pm until 4:30am. He woke every 30 minutes. At one point, it was just dry heaves, which is actually worse than puking. He had no fever though. I made sure to give as much pedialyte as he could stomach. He still wanted to nurse, though he started to toss that too. Finally, he leveled off enough to keep down some broth, breastmilk, and pedialyte. On Sunday, I ended up with the same damn thing only ten times worse. I literally felt like I was dying. My mom came over for the afternoon to help me with the baby. After 36 hours of no food, I was okay. I had to take Monday off of work though. I sent Emerson to daycare and laid on the couch for most of the day. Now, we both have a cold. It sucks. I just want us to be healthy again. I’ve never felt so disgustingly thin in my life. I’ve lost so much from being sick and just from working and not being able to eat lunch. Anyway, after my mom came over to help me, her and my dad ended up with the same stomach virus. I feel so horrible. They both seem better, but it does knock you down for a few days. I still do not feel 100% and this cold isn’t helping. I can tell Emerson isn’t feel very well either. Pray that we can have a healthy weekend. He and I have barely been out of the house in two weeks between being sick and this weather. Saturday, it’s supposed to be 38 degrees with no snow. I’d like to at least walk around the mall, or something. I’m sick of sitting in the house. We haven’t seen my sister, or nephew since Christmas! Unreal!

Emerson is starting his transition into the 1 year old room at daycare. We had to buy shoes for him the other day to wear. We also had to buy sippy cups. Bottles aren’t permitted in that room, nor are bare feet, which I think is stupid. He can’t even fully walk on his own yet. He can’t walk at all with the shoes. I was told to not buy the soft soles, which would have made sense. I should have bought them anyway and stuck with my gut. A few other teachers at the daycare told me I should have just bought the soft soles. No one can really tell you what shoes the kid can or can’t wear there every day. I need to smarten up. I’m his mom and I know best. The shoes I bought are nice, but there is no way. They don’t bend at all. He isn’t ready for that. This weekend, I hope to find something more suitable for him.

His party is in about two weeks. I’m really excited about it. I have mostly everything done. I just need to tie up some loose ends. No one rsvp’d though. I don’t get that, but whatever. Maybe they didn’t think they needed to. I’m really excited about it though and I can’t wait to set everything up. Other than that, nothing too much is going on. I just really, really want us to start to feel better again. I am just absolutely miserable and trying my hardest to be cheery. It isn’t easy though.

I hope all of you are doing well. I’m sorry I’ve been so absent lately. It’s just been rough!

Mummy is beat

I hate to admit this, but I’m downright exhausted. Work has been such a bear lately. While I appreciate the fact that I have a job, sometimes I really just need a break. It’s nice to be in demand and needed, but I really need a slow day soon. I’m so tired by the time Emerson and I get home. Luckily, he’s pretty whooped too and we’ve been getting to bed between 730-8pm. The only downside is he hasn’t been napping at daycare. He’s so overtired that he’s not resting well at night. Tossing and turning and randomly waking up crying is not aiding in my sleep either. We just need to get back on track. The holidays really threw us off. I also think he’s trying to get himself down to one nap a day. Clearly, he needs more than that. I’m planning on working from home tomorrow so that I can avoid commuting in this weather. That’s become a bear too. Negative temperatures while waiting on the bus is driving me bonkers. I can’t wait for the temps to rise well into the 30’s this weekend. It’s sad when you want 30 degree weather. I’ll take it over this torture though. I wore sweat pants over my dress pants today. It helped a little. The bus had little to no heat this morning, so it really didn’t matter anyway.

I plan on grocery shopping after work tomorrow. We’re nearly out of everything. I want to make sure we’re stocked up, so that we can hibernate all weekend. I don’t want to have to take the baby out in this cold weather. My sister wants to go to the mall tomorrow though. I’d rather wait until Sunday when the weather is warmer. She’ll be in the neighborhood to drop my nephew off, so I’m thinking I’ll suggest that. I want to run errands and put laundry away before I pick Emerson up from daycare tomorrow. I’ll be rushing around even more if I know we have plans with my sister too. Today, my dad has an appointment regarding his kidney failure. I seriously hope they have some positive news for him. The appointment isn’t for another 2 hours, so I won’t find anything out until later this evening. He said that he’s still in a lot of pain, so obviously it isn’t resolving itself yet. I’ll update you all when I find out more.

Other than that, I don’t have too much going on. Just more party planning. The pictures I ordered to make Emerson’s photo banner should be here today, or tomorrow. I can’t wait to put it together. I worked really hard on the decorations. Let me know what you guys think. Below is just a small snippet of what I’ve made. I made tons of treat bags and pieces for the big banner and photo banner. I also made a highchair banner too, but I might re-do it. Now that I’ve made the banner pieces, I think I can do a much better job on the highchair banner. We’ll see if I have time.

So, I was asked out for coffee this week. I entertained the idea for a second, but now I’ve changed my mind. I just don’t feel like it. While the idea seems nice, I just can’t get into the mindset of casually dating, or even seriously dating. I don’t have the energy or time to devote to someone else. The baby is always going to be my number one priority. I don’t feel that anyone would ever be okay with that even if they say they’d be okay with that. The idea of finding someone, getting married, and potentially having more children sounds amazing, but going through the motions sounds awful. I don’t feel like it. I’ve lost all faith in men too. I wish I could skip all of the bullshit and just get down to what the person is really like. Skip the fake, honeymoon stage to even see if I like someone’s true personality enough to spend time with them. I guess that isn’t the way things work though. I can tell when people are being fake with me though and it happens ALL of the time. I can’t stand it. The second anyone mentions Emerson, I get creeped out. You can tell they think name dropping my kid makes them a shoe-in. It really doesn’t. It’s annoying to assume I’d expose my child to anyone before I even know that person. What kind of mother would I be? Who would even want to date someone like that? I want to ask these guys that, but that requires time and energy. None of which I have. I don’t really care for the answer anyone. It’s just annoying. Maybe I’m bitter?

Alright, I have so much work to finish up…Have a good day, all!

Mummy hates snow!

I am so behind on updating in this damn thing. I’ve been ridiculously busy and I never seem to have time to get down my thoughts. Let me start with this past weekend. I did Emerson’s first birthday photo shoot. Wow. I am so impressed with the quality of the pictures. He was such a perfect model. I woke up and immediately baked and decorated a cake for him to smash into. It was disheartening to throw away an entire cake that was only in the physical world for two hours, but whatever. The pictures look fabulous and I couldn’t be happier. I cannot believe my little bubbs is going to be a year old! I did the photos now because I have so much to prepare for his birthday. Doing this now seemed better. I am still so blown away. These are the best pictures I have ever taken. I know I am NOT a professional photographer, so I’m sure someone who is will rip these apart, but I am pretty proud of myself. I built the set and did all of the editing myself. I spent a total of $10 when people spend hundreds. You know I am all about saving a buck. This is right up my alley, plus I love being able to tap into my creative side. It really feeds my soul as cheesy as that sounds! Please let me know what you all think of my pictures!

After the photos, my house was a wreck. I had to clean Emerson up and the floor. There was cake smashed everywhere. Luckily, I cleaned it all up pretty easily. After cake smashing, we headed to my parent’s house to visit. Dad seems okay. He has an appointment on Thursday to talk through managing his kidney failure. He’s already hating eating healthy and is calling it “healthy doctor crap” Mum is trying her best to find a variety of recipes, so that he doesn’t get bored. Dad picked Em up and hurt himself though, so no more of that. He can hold him when he’s sitting. We stayed for dinner and hung out awhile. We had a nice time. My dad and Emerson played for so long. Listening to their giggles was so cute. They both crack me up so much! On Sunday, we stayed locked in the house all day. It was nice to be lazy. I did a lot of prep for Emerson’s birthday party. I got the birthday banners, treat bags, and food tent labels all done! I’m making some good headway. I’m hoping to have it all done and decorated in advance, so that I don’t have to rush around the day of. The good thing about having it at home is that I can slowly put up the decorations!

Outside of that, we haven’t really been doing much. The weather is such ass right now. I wish it would stop snowing. I was able to get Emerson up to daycare, but now I’m worried about getting him home. Ugh! I am so not prepared for this. I don’t care if it’s cold out. I just don’t want it to snow! Say some extra prayers that I can pick Emerson safe and sound later.

We don’t have much going on this week/weekend. Just laying low and saying our pennies. We’ll go visit my parents to get out of the house. Emerson’s party isn’t costing me that much money. Around $130, but that is a lot of money to come up with in such a short time, especially right after Christmas. I just have to be extra cautious and make sure that we aren’t spending unnecessarily. It makes for some boring weekends, but it’ll pay off on birthday party day. Even after his birthday, I feel like funds are STILL tight. The beginning of the year is always like this. I have no idea why. Once the weather warms up, It’ll be nice because we can at least go to the park, which is free!

Emerson is going to be transitioning into the one year old room at daycare. It makes me so sad! Happy that the rate will hopefully decrease, but sad because he’s getting so big. I just cannot get over the fact that it’s been nearly a year. Such a hard, but incredible year. He still isn’t fully walking independently. I think it’s just a confidence thing. He walks, but hangs onto random objects to get around. He does let go and freely walks, but when he realizes it, he drops to his knees. He’s all around though. It’s fun to watch! Alright, I am going to get off of here now. I am panicking over this snow!

Mummy's bad news :(

New Year’s Eve was really fun! After daycare, Emerson and I went home for a bit. My mom had to work until 8pm, so we didn’t head over to my parent’s house until 7:15pm. We hung out with my dad for an hour until my mom got home. We helped him cook and just chatted and played with the baby. When mom got home, we all ate and just hung out. Emerson ended up crashing at 10pm. He made it much later than I thought. I was surprised that I made it until midnight! It was nice watching the ball drop with my parents. Afterwards, the baby and I headed home. Emerson slept for an additional 8 hours! Happy New Year to me! He is FINALLY back into a normal sleeping pattern. It was so bad for about a week, but I’m glad it’s done and over with…until the next sleeping spell!

On New Year’s Day, the baby, dog, and I headed back over to my parent’s house. We made so much food the night before that we heated it all back up and ate it for dinner. The dog was so well behaved. She hasn’t been to my parent’s house since the 4th of July. Their house still feels so empty since Chloe passed. I know they appreciated having the dog there to make it feel like home again. She was beyond exhausted by the time we went home. Emerson was too. We all slept very well last night. I woke up early and had time to clean up and do dishes before I woke Emerson up for daycare.

My mom texted me this morning to let me know that her and my dad were at the hospital. My dad woke with really bad back pain. He was crying and begging her to help him. They headed to the hospital where they were told that my dad has kidney failure. We are all freaking out so badly. They released him, but he had to make an appointment with his pcp. He goes next week. I was doing some research and it seems that the best way to reverse this is through a monitored diet. I’m hoping he can reverse it and avoid something more serious like dialysis, or worse, a transplant. I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself though. We are all so freaked out and I was already crying at work. I just want him to be okay! This is not how I anticipated beginning the year. Please say a prayer, all. I love my dad so much. We all do. I don’t know what we would do without him. He’s the best guy I know. Okay, I’m tearing up again. I have to stop talking about this, but I will update you all as we learn more.

I took a half day of work on New Year’s Eve and undecorated Christmas, rearranged my living room, and set up a little man cave for Emerson to play in. I just wanted to give him his own space in the living room to avoid tons of toys being scattered around. It turned out adorably. In addition to that, I made his birthday party invitations and his high chair banner. Both came out just as adorable. This weekend. I’m planning on doing his birthday pictures and making the treat bags for his party. I’m hoping both go well, especially the pictures. I feel a lot has to come together for the pictures, which means there is a lot of room for error. Alright, I am really busy today, so I have to end this early. I hope you guys all have a great weekend. Extra prayers for my family. Thanks!

MUMMY'S 2014 REVIEW!

2014, without a doubt, was my most life-changing year. I still cannot believe that I had a baby. It’s so hard to wrap my mind around. Everything surrounding Emerson is baffling. Child labor, stumbling through breastfeeding/pumping, learning the ropes of motherhood, figuring out how to be a single mother, finances, etc. Somehow, we made it through. My dad made a comment on New Year’s Eve. “I don’t know how we pulled it off, but we did it another year” I can barely type that without tearing up. I feel so proud, but just so relieved that I was able to get us through this fucking year. I had no idea when I was pregnant how I was going to pay for daycare, household expenses, etc. I was beyond stressed out and Emerson wasn’t even here yet. I spent a lot of time trying to preplan and figure things out while I was pregnant. Even in those early months of his life, I was preparing and crunching numbers. After I allowed myself to relax a bit, it was easier to enjoy the incredible miracle I was given. Motherhood is the hardest job I have ever had, but it is by far the most rewarding. The fact that I’m doing it myself makes me feel so much stronger and even more proud. Some days, I have no idea how I made it through, but I did! We are nearing Emerson’s first birthday and I can’t tell you guys enough how beyond proud I am. This shit is NOT easy! I hold the weight on my shoulders every single day. The most important thing to me is Emerson and I will continue to do whatever I can for that boy.

Not only did I become an official mother in 2014, but I moved into a house, which has been the best thing for us. Having our own home and space is amazing. While I enjoyed the first three months of Emerson’s life at my parent’s house, it was nice to move into our own space. I was so stressed out over my apartment. I was paying for a shitty place that didn’t suit our needs. I stood up for myself, put my foot down, and got the hell out of there. I’m so glad I stumbled across this house. It has been such a blessing and a great place for Emerson to make memories during his childhood. The fenced in yard has been the best thing for us too. Kodie can run freely and I don’t need to take the baby out each bathroom break! Yes, we had a run-in with a family of skunks (pee-yew), but after that was cleared out, the yard was such a great feature for us. I can’t wait for Emerson to be able to run and play in it this summer!

Another big change this year was work. I was put on a new team, which definitely posed some new challenges for me. I was given the option to work from home several days a week though, which I couldn’t be more appreciative of. Though those days seem to be dwindling, I still do have the option, which has helped me more than I could ever express. I’ve grown so much professionally this year. I know I don’t speak about work often here, but just know that I have grown and things are looking up in this area of my life!

My relationships have changed so much this year. I’ve grown even closer with my parents. Things were a bit rocky in the beginning when I felt a lack of help, but they’ve more than stepped up and have been great with Emerson. I couldn’t imagine not having my mom and dad around daily. Even though we don’t see them daily, they are always there to call/text, which I appreciate so very much. My dad has been such an amazing male figure in Emerson’s life too. He has helped us out on more than one occasion with groceries and money. My mom has been a great shoulder to lean on when I feel like I’m at my wit’s end. She doesn’t understand 100% where I am coming from as a single mother, but she recognizes my strife and struggle and is always there to support me. I’m so glad because I think I’d lose my damn mind without those two! This year, my younger sister was engaged and moved into her own house. I have sensed a shift in our relationship, but I do know that she will always be there for me when I need her. Right now, she’s figuring out her life and how to put her pieces together. She was there for me when I needed her the most. It’s time that I let her off the hook and to figure out her life and repay the favor by being there for her.

2014 was a huge year for me creatively. I pulled myself way out of my comfort zone and tackled projects I never dreamed. I designed my house, made my own curtains, table runners, and art work. On top of that, I started to make beautiful wreaths that I had no idea I had a talent for. Now, I’m making my own party décor! 2015 is definitely going to be a big year for me. I got a sewing machine for Christmas, so I’m looking forward to beginning some new adventures with that. Look out because there are definitely big things to come! It has been absolutely amazing to tap into my creative side and channel my energy into something I love. It truly does make me happy. I’m glad I found a little bit of time for myself to do something that I enjoy.. One of the most important things I’ve learned this year is that I do matter. My happiness matters too. Yes, I am a mom and my focus is on Emerson, but it is okay to indulge in myself at times and to find my own joy outside of my baby. It took me a LONG time to figure this out. I’m glad I did because now I see what I am capable of and how happy it makes my soul!

I think the biggest thing I’ve learned this year is to not focus on the small things. I know that sounds REALLY cliché, but it’s true. It took me awhile to learn that. It is no secret that I am a single mother. Emerson’s dad decided he did not want to be a part of his life. It was hard for me to come to terms with that. Chalk it up to post-partum emotions and hormones being all out of whack, but I think once I realized where my focus should be, it didn’t matter anymore. The craziest part about it is I don’t even think about him often at all. It’s almost as though I was impregnated by immaculate conception. I don’t tie myself, or Emerson back to that person. When I’m asked about his father, I’m always shocked because I forget this person even exists. Life is so much greater than one person. I have the whole world in Emerson. He’s more than enough to overshadow any of that negativity. I wish I had learned this a long time ago. I would have enjoyed my pregnancy a lot more and stressed way less. I hate that I wasted time being upset, but I couldn’t come to terms with everything unless I worked through it. I’m glad I was able to do that. I don’t know why people make shitty decisions, but the best part about it is I don’t have to care about that anymore. I’ve completely moved on and couldn’t be happier. To anyone who reads my blog that is a single mother: It is okay and it will be okay. If you need reassurance, look over the last year of my life in all of these blogs I’ve posted. If anyone can learn anything from me, it would be to not sweat the small stuff. You can’t make anyone do anything they truly don’t want to do, so don’t even waste your time. Refocus that attention and I promise, you’ll be so much happier. That’s what I’ve done and I have the course of 2014 to prove that! You are stronger than you feel even on your weakest day. Don’t let some asshole overrun your life and make it miserable. Every day is what YOU make it out to be.

I love you guys so much for encouraging and supporting me all year! I look forward to recording my crazy journey in 2015! I hope you all take the ride with me. It’s been incredible to have such faithful readers and always feel that someone is there for me even when I feel the most alone. I know I suck at responding to my comments, but know that I do read everything that is posted here and on my google+ and it is so beyond appreciated. I was welcomed into an amazing g+ family back in September 2013. I will never forget the warm welcoming I had and how my story was embraced! You all have helped empower me so much. I hope you all have an incredible 2015. Let’s make it the best one yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!