It's been awhile!

I'm 26 weeks pregnant! Time certainly has flown! I haven't updated in such a long time and for that-I apologize. Honestly, living life is so busy. Preparing for these twins, planning a baby shower, being in a wedding, raising a toddler, being engaged, and working a demanding job is time consuming. No worries. I am happy and absolutely loving all of it. Pregnancy is insane. I can't even begin to describe the changes my body is going through carrying two babies. We are over the moon to welcome a baby boy and a baby girl in the next couple of months. I still cannot believe this is happening to us, or that this is my life!

Emerson is doing well and has absorbed all of the change phenomenally. He is absolutely in love with Tim. They are so cute together. He favors him over me at times. It's bittersweet, but also makes me feel great that he has such a good dad in his life and the bond is forever formed. Tim has blown me away. For someone who has never been a dad, he has this parenting thing down. He follows my lead, but also has the confidence to handle everything himself without doubt. He completely has my back and supports me in every way possible. There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't remind me of what a wonderful mother that I am and how lucky he is to have us. It sounds so cheesey and fake, but I am not even making this up. It is crazy. I never knew men existed like that in this world. He doesn't miss a beat with Emerson and is so involved in his school and therapy life. Emerson is doing so well and his speech has come a really long way. He is still seeing a speech and behavioral therapist, which has really helped him develop and grow so much over the last few months. We could not be more proud of our little guy. He is extremely excited for Rowan and Reed to arrive. We have worked so hard to keep him involved, but to also let him know that he is still our special boy. We have been spending a lot of time doing family activites and excursions now before the chaos begins, or before I am too big to move, which is getting pretty close. I know when I can't manuever and do planned activities, that Tim will step in to take over for me. He already does with taking Emerson to school, or picking him up, so I can sneak in quick naps before/after work. We work so well together as a team without even discussing it. We are completely synchronized and I have no idea how the heck it happened either. I usually start a task, and he finishes it without me even asking. I get Em up in the morning and dressed. Tim gets him breakfast, then puts on his socks, and shoes, while I get ready for work. I make dinner and he cleans up all of the dishes and the kitchen, so I can sit down to relax, or spend time with Emerson. If I need a break, or a moment of peace, he takes Emerson with him to run errands. It is really nice to have a best friend that I can talk to about anything. He absolutely appreciates every piece of this pregnancy and has been so thoughtful and respectful. I can't even type this without tearing up. Gah, I am such a baby, but it is just ridiculous the lengths that this person would go to for myself, and our kiddos. I think what baffles me most is there is no shadiness, or anything at all with him. No crap, no bs. Nothing that I have had to put up with in the past. We truly are just a family and that's that. Nothing comes above our little family EVER. I have never experienced anything like this at all. It is beyond amazing and I cannot believe that I get to marry this person and have babies with him. Okay, I will stop with the mushy stuff, but I usually never express these types of things.

Lately, we have been working hard on our nursery, which is absolutely magical and beautiful. We are doing a deer/woodland theme. The decal we put up on the wall is beyond words. From the bedding, cribs, curtain, and lamps I am just amazed at what we've put together. We aren't done yet and still are in process of decorating, but what we've done so far is beautiful. On top of that, we are planning my shower, which is at the end of this month. I'm doing a unicorn theme. It is indescribable the things that we've arranged for this shower and the gorgeous decor that I've put together. Tim has helped me so much. From spray painting my centerpieces, to cutting out invitations, he has been such a big hand. Let’s not forget about the bedroom we specially redecorated for Emerson. He has a full Super hero wall, dress up caps, super hero lights, bedding, and figurines. We wanted to give him a special, big boy room, so we decorated his first. It looks like something from a magazine.

This pregnancy is completely different from my first. It is very strange to be so cared about, doted on, and downright loved every second of the way. Going to doctor appointments with someone else who is so engrossed in these babies is a dream come true. I never knew what that was like until now. The babies are doing very well an measuring perfectly. Last week, Rowan was 1lb 15oz. I'm sure she has reached that 2lb mark by now. Reed was at 1lb 12oz, so he is creeping behind his sister. Both look amazing. 58th and 48th percentile for weight, which is more than we could ask for with twins. We are hoping for nice size babes at birth. We aren't sure the delivery method yet. I would like to avoid a c-section, so we are just waiting until later to see how these babes are positioning and to ensure all is well before scheduling anything. Tim isn't sure what he supports. He goes back and forth. The c-section seems easier and safer, but the recovery is worse. For me, I want a quicker recovery. The thought of being cut scares me immensely. We just want the babies to avoid any issues and for me to be safe. It is scary!

We are having the best time playing Santa! Emerson sees toys on t.v. and he FREAKS. "Mom, I want this! I want this!" We tell him that he has to be good and write a letter to Santa asking for whatever toy he's looking at. Meanwhile, we already have it hiding out in the basement. It's so cute! This is the first year that he's really been into Christmas and totally understanding it. It makes it even more exciting. We cannot wait!

I'm not sure if i mentioned this, or not, but my sister is pregnant. She just reached 20 weeks, so she is a bit behind me. She finds out the sex of the baby next week. She is doing well though and we are really excited to have kiddos at the same time. Finally, more kids for Emerson to grow up with!! That is all I have ever wanted for him. He has been the solo kid for too long.

I have to tell you guys though...I am so appreciative of everything that has happened in our lives over the last year. It is baffling and so insane. I never knew any of this was going to transpire when I decided to finally give Tim a chance. I wish I had known. I would have done it sooner. Emerson is so happy. It is so freaking cute. Gah. Okay, my hormones can't take this anymore. I think I've avoided updating because I knew it would make me too emotional.

Some normal updates- Tonight, We're going Christmas decoration shopping. Friday, I'm having a "bad moms" night out on Friday. I'm going to dinner and to see the Bad Mom's Christmas movie with my sister and friends, while the boys hang at home. On Saturday, we're taking Emerson to Giggles and Smiles. Sunday, we visit my parents usually. They got a new puppy a month ago, so Emerson likes to go over to play with her. Our dogs aren't as fun now, so he enjoys doing that.  Last week, we took Em to see Frozen on Ice. He was mesmerized! It was so cute to see that. I love our little family!!

That's about all I got for right now. 

Our weekend update

Our weekend was really nice. Emerson, my sister, nephew, his cousin, and I all went to Idewild (amusement/water park) on saturday. The weather was pretty chilly, but that didn't stop any of the kids from swimming. The park is absolutely adorable. I hadn't been in about 15 years. This was also Em's first time visiting. He loved it. I can't wait to go back next year when the weather is a bit warmer and we can stay in the water longer. The drive up and back was pretty long- an hour each way. I would never invest in season passes because I hate driving and I wouldn't want to do that drive all of the time. We have Waterpark passes, but we live right off of the parkway, so it only takes us about 15 minutes to get there, which is no time at all. Who knows what'll happen after I have the twins though. It's a great place for smaller kids, so it might be worth that drive.

 

On Sunday, we spent about 8 hours at my parent's house. It was really nice though to just hang out, laugh, bake, and talk. Em loved it. He had his cars all over there house, on top of a pound of candy that my mom/dad gave him! We were both beat by the time we got home. We watched Frozen, ate dinner, then bedtime. It was a really nice weekend.

 

Tim and I are planning redecorating Em's room. We are actually switching his bedroom into the office, then giving the twins his room. I think both are the same size, but the wall in the office is cut out, so that's why I am switching it with the Twins. I want to put both cribs next to each other and I don't think I can do that with that room's layout. Anyway, we are doing a full on superhero room and doing a gigantic accent wall with Marvel Comic wallpaper. I can't wait! It's going to look so cool. I haven't full decided on scheme yet for the twins. I"m waiting for the gender reveal, but I do have some great ideas brewing. We want to get this all done now, so that we don't have to scramble later. TIm works a lot more in the fall and travels more frequently, so he won't be around as much to do these things. Emerson and I are constantly on the go in the fall too, so I don't want to impede our fun with painting, etc.

 

This week, we are taking Emerson to see Boss Baby at the baseball stadium. They do movies at night when the pirates are away. We'll see how this pans out. If it rains, we are going to stay home. Tim and I have a wedding to attend on Saturday, which means I have to find a dress to wear after work on Friday. EW. I'm not sure what we'll do on Sunday. I have to see what the weather is like. Maybe the waterpark if it's back open then. It's been closed due to flooding for almost two weeks.

 

Oh, and how am I feeling? A lot better. Not nearly as tired, and my heartburn is under control for now. I wish my allergeries would simmer, but I'll take that over nausea any day. I am officially in my second trimester, and I definitely feel MUCH better. I hope I get a bit of a reprieve and this good feeling lasts for a while. It's nice not feeling like death warmed over all day. We are hoping to find out the babies' gender at the end of this month. The anticipation is driving everyone insane! We just want to know, so that we can start planning my baby shower, and buying some things.

 

Alright, have a fabulous week <3

 

Pregnant with twins!!

I haven't written in a long time and I think it's mostly because I had no idea where to begin. Let me give a quick run down:

 

-I got engaged on March 31st, 2017.

-Emerson and I moved into my Fiance's home at the end of May 2017.

-I became pregnant in Early May 2017

-I found out I was actually pregnant with twins on July 27th, 2017.

 

 

Let that ALL soak in...

 

 

WOW. Talk about a comeback story! My head is still reeling with the news that I'm carrying multiples. At this point, we are not sure what the sexes are yet, but are hoping to find out in a few weeks. We do believe the twins will be fraternal as the babies are in separate amniotic sacs with individual placentas. The babies are completely healthy and on track. I am 12 weeks and 4 days along. I'm doing alright outside of extreme indigestion and heartburn. It is almost unbearable to eat because of the affect effects, but I'm on pepcid twice a day for the max dose. I still don't feel like it's working well enough, so I'll be requesting an alternative treatment at my next appointment. The fatigue I was experiencing is starting to subside a bit, which is great. The one day, I had to pull over in Kmart's parking lot to take a nap! It was unreal. Morning sickness, and sickness in general has really tapered off with the exception of feeling sick from the indigestion, or waiting too long to eat.

 

Tim are I beyond excited to be having twins! That's pretty much all we can talk about. Everything we do revolves around Emerson and the twins. We're planning on switching Emerson's room to the office, and putting the twins in his room. Both rooms are about the same size, but I like the layout of Emerson's room better for two cribs. Also, Em's room will be further away from the twins, so hopefully he won't be distrubed by too much crying. He is really excited though. We tell him daily what a great big brother he will be to not only 1, but 2 babies. He constantly asks to touch my belly and gives it kisses. It's REALLY adorable. We plan on involving him as much as possible to avoid any type of jealous issues, or him feeling left out. We have talked so much about ensuring he has one on one time with us, and that he still gets to get out of the house for a few hours each weekend even if its just to go to the movies, or run around the play place at the mall. While I'm on maternity leave, Emerson will continue to go to daycare, so that we avoid interrupting his speech therapy/preschool. I also think it'll be more beneficial to me to be home alone with the twins during that time, so I can build a schedule for them, and also sleep as much as I possibly can. That would be difficult with a toddler. I wouldn't feel safe snoozing with him running loose in the house.

 

After maternity leave, I've decided to go back to work even though I was told that I could stay at home. I told Tim that I'd like to give it a shot continuing to work. We will enroll the babies in the same daycare that Emerson attends now. They are already on the waiting list. If I find that it's too much for me to work, pump for two, and then breastfeed/caregive twins and a toddler at night, then I'll rethink being a stay at home mom. Obviously, Tim will be there helping me as well, but he can't do much in terms of pumping/breastfeeding. I did really well with Emerson and continued for 15 months. It's really important to me to do the same with the twins, so I will give it my best shot.

 

I still cannot believe that this is my life. Initially, we had decided to wait until after our wedding to have more kids. We had even put our deposit down on our venue, and were plunging into wedding planning. This caught both of us off-guard. We had no idea we were having twins either, so that was just another thing thrown into the mix to make us reconsider our wedding. We are going to push it back a bit. We decided to downsize our original plan. We will still keep our venue, but invite just immediate family to the ceremony, then have a nice dinner afterwards. I'm completely happy with this. I would rather not spend $20k+ on a wedding when we just had twins. That would be absurd. Tim is fine either way, but I just could never do that. I'm far too cheap! I don't really care about the wedding part. I just care about the marriage part and our family. We are really happy though, so I feel like we've already won. Who needs a big wedding anyway? I He knocked it out of the park with my ring, so I already feel spoiled beyond belief. I don't need anything else. I just want to have these twins and for both to be healthy. That's really where our minds are right now.

 

 

Living together is going very well. It took a bit of adjusting for me. Emerson adjusted with no issues at all. He walked in like he owned the place, so I'm glad he had no hardship. It was a bit difficult for me because I really missed my house. I gave up my entire home, plus most of our possessions. I donated a lot of items, and gave things away to people who needed it. Tim had better furniture than me, and we upgraded to a new, beautiful bedroom set, so I didn't really need to bring much with me aside from our clothes and Em's toys. I am totally adjusted now though and I feel completely comfortable. It feels like home for myself, Em, and Kodie, plus Tim, his dog (Fenway), and his cat (Boston) have seemed to adjust to us being there too.The cat is still a bit iffy, but we knew he would take awhile to warm up.

 

It is really awesome to have someone on my team and in my corner. As everyone knows, when I was pregnant with Emerson, I had very little support from his dad, then had absolutely nothing from 6 months on. He wasn't excited to have Emerson either. This is a whole new ballgame for me to have someone who is so excited and appreciative for our life. Tim is amazing with Emerson too, which has been such a blessing. I'm glad he has a father figure now, since his bio dad completely dropped the ball.

 

 

Emerson is doing so well and talking so much! His speech has really taken off. It's absolutely incredible and I couldn't be happier for him. He tested out of expressive speech, but is still seeing his therapist for articulation. She says that he was pretty close to testing out, but wanted to continue for a bit longer because she knew he'd benefit. He is pretty independent these days, though he tells us to "PWAY WITH ME" all the time when he's down on the floor with his cars, or playing with action figures. He is so obsessed with The Hulk and Iron Man. It's hilarious how into super heroes he's gotten. He is also really good at brushing his teeth alone, though I still go in for a deep scrub before he's done. He had a bit of a potty training regression, but went four times yesterday on his own, so we are getting there.

 

Alright. I am going to leave it at that, so you can digest. That was A LOT of information. <3

Much needed update!

It has been about two weeks since my last update. I can proudly say that we are healthy…for right now. This morning, Emerson started to cough again and I felt a bit down. My head felt stuffy and a bit like I was developing a head cold. If anything, I hope it’s just a normal cold for both of us and nothing that has us down and out like the last couple of months. It has been really nice feeling good this past week. I do not want to go backward!

 

Our Disney Trip is in exactly 40 days! Can you believe that?! Our magic bands are slowly making their way to my house. Shipping was a bit scattered. I can start scheduling our fast passes in about ten days. You can only do it 30 days out if you aren’t staying on a Disney resort, which we aren’t. I booked our car reservation and call to see what I needed to have handy when we actually get to the rental place. I also bought myself some Disney shirts. I’ll worry about finishing that piece up next month after I’ve slimmed down a bit. I’m going to do a bit of low-carbing in preparation. I don’t want to start too early, or I’ll be burned out before we even leave. Other than that, we are just waiting IMPATIENTLY! The kids don’t seem to really be that excited. Emerson is so small. He hardly understands. My nephew is going to be 13, but he is too cool to show his excitement. My sister and I are exploding though! We cannot wait!

 

This past weekend, Emerson, Kodie (the dog), and I had our very first sleepover at Tim’s house. It went surprisingly well. I was envisioning mass chaos. He has a dog and a cat too, so I figured my dog would act like a nut. Kodie was fine though. She peed in the yard, and was pretty calm outside of trying to get the cat a couple of times. I was extremely proud of her. I do not give her enough credit. Emerson did pretty well. He definitely tested his limits and touched any and everything. He was in cupboards, every room, the fridge, etc. Tim and I had a chat prior to us coming over. I mentioned him child-proofing, and moving things that he didn’t want touched out of Emerson’s reach. I think he underestimated Em’s impulses because he moved very little in the common areas. He did clear a room that will now be Emerson’s bedroom. It already has a bed, etc, but he moved things that Emerson would touch, or knock over. I know it’ll be a work in progress, which he already notated himself. He is working on moving some of his items out of the way, and he purchased a child-proof kit to lock up some of the cabinets, etc. That was pretty major to me. He texted me yesterday and said  something like “Ashley, I am very serious about making this work”, which was in reference to making it work with us merging lives and homes. He sent me a gigantic list of things that he needed to do around the house to accommodate the dogs, cat, and kid, which again, I thought was extremely nice. The poor cat was locked in a room from Saturday night through Sunday morning. He had his litter box, food, and toys, but we felt pretty bad. My dog is small enough to fit into the cat’s hiding spots, so we decided to put a gate up in one of the rooms, so that the cat could jump over and escape when necessary. This way, he isn’t completely isolated, but still has the freedom to roam if he feels brave enough to do so.

 

When I was pregnant with Emerson, I could barely get his “dad” to discuss moving in together, etc. He always said “we have plenty of time to figure that out”, which angered me to the point of me picking arguments with him over it. I couldn’t understand why this person that I was with and having a baby with wouldn’t discuss merging lives/homes. I guess I have difficulty with that now. It’s hard for me to understand why Tim is so willing to do any and everything for Emerson and I to move in with him. It’s beyond incredible and baffling to me, but extremely scary. We both like the idea of having sleepovers to gradually work toward the goal of fully living together. We are very open and are able to communicate about what we need/want, and things that bother us too, which I have absolutely never had in my life. It makes life a lot easier when you can discuss these things. I am not entirely used to it though, which is where the doubt and fear comes into play. That’s just something that I need to work on internally. I definitely tell him how I feel though and he does the same, so we don’t have any secrets there. It’s pretty cool to be able to talk about future plans as well. Scary, but awesome. Emerson liked being at Tim’s house though. He slept all through the night in his room. I brought his blankets, toys, bath stuff, etc. Tim actually bought him some bath stuff too, so that was nice. Less for me to have to bring back and forth. I have never met anyone like this EVER. I don’t even know how to process this all. Is this really my life?!

 

He actually came with me on Saturday to the Children’s Museum. Emerson had a blast, and Tim was such a good sport about it. Imagine not having a kid and spending your entire Saturday amongst a boatload of them at a children’s museum. We were there for 3.5 hours. Emerson had a blast playing. It was nice because while he played, Tim and I were able to sit there just talking uninterrupted, which doesn’t happen often. It was nice watching him be so interactive with Emerson as we went through the different exhibits. We all had a good time. Afterward, Em and I went home. I attempted to give him a nap, which wasn’t successful, so we headed back to Tim’s around 5pm. We hung out, watched “Sing”, and then I cooked dinner. We ate, then watched “Moanna”, then I gave Em a bath, and put him to bed. Tim and I watched “Patriot Day”, and just hung out for the rest of the night, which was so nice. What else was nice was splitting the work. I was a lot less tired. Over time, we’ll have to redirect Emerson less because he’ll be used to the house and not so curious. It was nice because he helped me make dinner, and gave a hand over checking on Emerson. Em slept until about 7am. Tim and I were already up, so that wasn’t a big deal. We are both early birds, which I love. I am such a morning person. Tim made us breakfast and coffee, while Em and I hung out, and watched cartoons. Of course, he was running around like a nut, but that’s to be expected. It was nice to just sit there, but extremely hard. I’m used to keeping busy at home. That was one of the hardest parts for me. Sitting back and just not doing anything. That would obviously change if we lived there, but it was nice to hang back a bit.

 

Emerson and I headed home around 10am. We needed to take the dog home, get ready, then head to my parent’s house. My parents watched Emerson so that my sister, our friends, Tim, and I could go see Beauty and the Beast. It was such a good movie! It was also nice for me to be able to get to do something kid-free with my sister, and my beau. We had a nice time. The movie was great. Emerson was wonderful for my parents too. This weekend, I’m supposed to meet Tim’s parents, but he has to go out of town for the entire week for work. His parents are going to watch his dog, but Em and I are going to watch the cat. His parents live 3 hours away, so they were going to come up for the weekend. I’m not sure how that’ll pan out now, but I feel bad because he didn’t think he’d be traveling. The worst part is he has to work overnight, so that’ll definitely catch up to him after a few days.

 

Alright, guys. That’s about all I have for now. I hope you all have a great week!

 

it's been forever!!

I have been the absolute worst at updating. I was sick for a few weeks and it all just snow balled from there. Now, I feel like I am back to being sick again. I ended up with a sinus and ear infection, which I had treated by antibiotics. In the midst of that, I contracted the flu. The body aches were horrendous. Then, I ended up developing an upper respiratory infection. I am just at a loss now. It has been two weeks of pure hell. My sinuses are acting up again and my ear is bugging me. Emerson also had an ear infection, then got a nasty cough, and cold. We cannot win! Prior to all of this, I ended up with some type of tummy bug that knocked me out for a few days. I can’t even begin to comprehend all of this sickness. I usually just get sick ONE time, then I’m good. It just seems that I cannot shake this at all. Hopefully, my sinuses start to calm down. The weather isn’t helping. We go from super cold, back to spring-like weather. I am at my wit’s end with this. Hopefully, today is just a fluke and I’m alright. I’m doing better with taking my allergy meds, so I can stay ahead of those issues.

 

Outside of that, we are trucking along. Our Disney trip is almost all the way planned and paid for. I just need to book a rental car purchase our magic bands, waterpark tickets, and await the last house payment to come out at the end of this month. I also need to get some Disney wear for myself. Emerson has plenty of shirts and shorts to wear, but I’m lacking majorly in that department mostly because I’m indecisive. We’ll see. I know it really isn’t that big of a deal, but wearing Disney shirts that entire week would be fun. All of Em’s clothes are now Disney including his jammies. Super cute to be in theme. We leave on April 29th. It can’t get here fast enough!

 

Tim and I are doing wonderfully. I’m sure everyone is wondering about that. I feel like I hit the boyfriend jackpot. I couldn’t be happier. He is amazing with Emerson. My family absolutely loves him. He is way too good to us and took extremely great care of us when we were sick too. I feel like he is just a really genuinely nice, and sweet person. No games. No drama. The way that it SHOULD be. I mean, I’ve waited my entire life for someone like this. It feels surreal. I can’t even describe it any more than that.  I guess when you know, you just know. If that makes sense. I keep waiting for red flags, or something to happen, but I don’t think it will. We are going to sleep at his house next weekend with the dog.  We’ve heavily discussed merging our lives together, but I suggested that we take some baby steps, and try it out over weekends to make sure that we can all handle it. I think what really makes it more solid is that we’ve known each other for a few years. It makes this not feel completely rushed, or crazy. I’m excited for all of us. I’m excited that I’ve found my best friend and someone who completely gets me. He is truly interested in me and my life, which is not what I’ve ever had. He cares about my work life, my home life, my opinions on everything. It’s pretty neat to have actual conversations and discussions. We relate on so much, but we have our differences, so it’s also fun to learn. Let’s not forget that he is athletic, healthy, and extremely handy. I couldn’t think of a better person to raise Emerson with. He has wonderful morals and ethics that I know he’ll easily pass down.  It’s pretty cool that he is so much into health and fitness too. I’ve been extremely slacking in that area because of being sick, but I went grocery shopping last night and stocked back up on healthy foods. I do feel like that is a major part of my life. Knowing that I could co-habitat with someone who fully respects that is important. I could go on forever, but I’ll stop. I’m just happy. It’s a pretty cool feeling!

 

Emerson is doing well. He is talking a lot more, which makes me happy. He still has a ways to go, but his therapists are working hard. He was bounced back to the 2 year old at daycare because the preschool transition was really bad. He was having such a difficult time and becoming so aggressive with the other kids. We’re hoping a slower transition will be better. I’m just glad that we are back to some sense of normalcy. It was rough there for a bit! This weekend, we don’t have much planned. I think it might snow, which means we’re staying in the house. This past weekend, I had a girl’s night out, then went to a hockey game with my sister. It was so nice just to be free and out and about sans kiddo. Sometimes, you just really need those mom-free moments! It’s nice to rejuvenate a bit too. If the weather isn’t crappy though, I want to take Emerson to the children’s museum. He deserves a day of fun. We will see though.

 

Alright, guys. I am glad that I finally updated. I hope everyone is doing well. We are!

It's been forever!!

Work is so busy. I can’t even tell you. Every day, I think “This is going to be the day where it goes back to a normal pace”  Daily, I’m absolutely wrong. I shatter that dream within ten minutes of arriving in the office. I’m so burnt out from work, that it’s carrying over into my personal life. I’m more agitated as a parent, a friend, girlfriend, sister, daughter, etc. I can’t help it! I use all of my energy at this place. By the time I get home, I’m done. I want nothing to do with anyone. It’s always extremely difficult the first 3-4 months of the year before it starts to level off.  We just haven’t hit that point yet. I hope we do sooner rather than later because I absolutely need a break. We all do!

 

Anyway, Emerson started preschool two weeks ago, however it isn’t going that well. He is still receiving services, but through a different organization. He has a behavioral and speech therapist like he did before. There was an incident at school the other day where he choked another child. Apparently, this sparked quite a ruckus from the other parent and the teachers were “distraught”. It is now being suggested that I reach out to an external facility to have Emerson’s behavioral health evaluated to diagnose if there is an issue like ODD, or ADD. This is all a result of ONE incident. Remember a year ago when he transitioned into the two year old room from the one year old room? He had such a hard time. That’s when talk of providing services came about. I really do think it’s all due to transitioning and him still not fully talking and being able to communicate his frustrations. I am going to ride this wave a bit before I jump to any conclusions. He is more unruly than ever though, which I’m attributing to the age.  I hope it’s just a three year old phase and it quickly dies out. We will see. I am not the type of parent who lives in denial though. I think I’ve proven that over the course of the year by continuously working with his therapists to further is development and even implementing strategies into our home life. I am all for aiding in his development, but I am not going to seek outside resources until I actually give him the chance to get used to all of this change. His therapist suggested the same.

 

The Emerson situation is stressing me out just like it did last year. I mean, I was beyond stressed that I developed that rash. Remember the burning sensation that I had all over my body? It felt like I was getting shingles, or something. Obviously, I don’t want to develop the same thing, so I’m trying to keep my cool, and to try to not stress about it, but it is HARD. I have so much weighing on me right now. It just makes it hard for me to focus on anything else. I’ve been such a crappy girlfriend for the last two weeks and I can’t help it. I’m in such a funk over being completely bogged down at home and work, that I can’t even give the extra energy to Tim. I’ve been extremely craving space too, which he’s been respectful about. Luckily, he is a very sweet and understanding person, but I wish I could just fast forward and get myself back to normal NOW. I’m just exhausted!! The thought of having to sit down and entertain someone after working all day sounds DREADFUL, even if we are just sitting on the couch watching a movie. On the weekends, I’m completely EXHAUSTED by Emerson, especially with his behavior lately. I just don’t have it in me right now. The last time we spent time together was on Sunday at my sister’s house for the super bowl. We are seeing each other tomorrow to do a Cupid Undie Run for charity. Yes, we are running in underwear. No, I am not excited about flaunting this body all over the city, but I feel bad that I’ve been so distant lately, that I couldn’t really say no. I mean, the guy endures a lot, so the least I could do was say yes to this. Hopefully, I don’t look like a fool.

 

On Sunday, my sister and I are taking the boys to Monster Trucks. God, I am dreading this. Please pray for me that my child is well-behaved and wants to sit there watching. I have fears now that we’ll end up having to leave ten minutes into it because he’s freaking out. That’s about all we have planned for the weekend though. It’s nice to have something on deck instead of sitting in the house.  Speaking of house, we finally agreed upon one for Disney. The dates that we want are actually available too, which is nice. I’ve scoured thousands upon thousands of house listings and finally found one that is suitable for all of our needs. Traveling with a 3 and 13 year old poses so many challenges. I wanted a house that had some toys for Emerson, but an Xbox or PS3 for Isaiah. Pretty  normal, right? WRONG. They either had one, or the other, never both. Yes, we will be busy bees, but the times that we are at the house, it’ll be nice for the boys to have something to do, so that the moms can try to relax. There are four bedrooms with one being a toddler room complete with a toddler bed (not that this mattered), tons of toys, and mickey décor for days. There is also a private pool, which was an absolute must have for all of us. When we’re done sight-seeing and at the parks, we can come home, relax, have dinner, and let the boys swim. We planned some down days as well, so that we can hang at the house and enjoy the pool. I’m excited. I have a lot more to plan though. We need a full park itinerary. We’re only spending one day at Magic Kingdom, so I want to make sure we make the most of our time there and get to do as much as possible. Messing around wandering aimlessly around the park will be a time waster. This way, we can plan our fast passes accordingly. The best part is it’s only going to cost me $1400 and her $1400.00 $700/ person for flight, house, rental car, tickets to Magic Kingdom, and tickets to one of the water parks. It’s so much cheaper to stay off Disney. The house is only 15 minutes away too, so it’s still close with a lower price tag! You always hear people spending $5,000 to go to Disney, but we’ve definitely found the more affordable option. My friend is going for TEN days with her two small children and husband. They are staying at a resort. I would DIE being cooped up in a tiny room for TEN days! That is going to cost a fortune!

 

Alright, guys. That’s all I have now. I will catch up next week!

Em turned three!!

Emerson’s birthday party was absolutely adorable. I couldn’t have asked for anything better. My décor was gorgeous! Young, Wild, and Three was such a fun theme. I’m so glad I decided to do a party instead of going to that indoor pool. My parents, both sisters, nephew, and boyfriend all came to the party to celebrate. Em was so overwhelmed that by the time we tried to sing “Happy Birthday” he covered his ears. He and I ended up having cake and ice cream later after singing and doing candles ourselves. The cake was half-eaten, but that’s okay. He still got to make a wish and to blow out the candles.  Now, I have a three year old! I hear three is a lot worse than two. I’m trying to mentally prepare myself. I’m not sure there is enough preparation for that though. I better hold on tight. LOL

 

This morning, Em started preschool, however he was almost immediately sent home for puking. He has no fever and is fine. He ate and kept his breakfast down, so I’ll call that a fluke. I was pretty ticked. It happened right after I got off the bus. I had to get a ride home just to pick him up from daycare because my bus stops running after a certain point. Thank God my best friend’s boyfriend was around and could pick me up. He was so nice about it too. I posted on my facebook page asking if anyone could help. She immediately came to my rescue. I have amazing friends.

 

Speaking of friends, my best friend and I made amends. We are currently still not facebook friends, but she unblocked me, so that’s progress, right?  I just explained that I didn’t want to be on friendship punishment, therefore If we had to be friends like that, then what would be the point. She understood my perspective, we hashed it out, and that was that.

 

This weekend, we have a birthday party to attend. Other than that, we don’t have much planned. We went to Jump Zone last weekend. It was AWESOME! They had all of these bounce houses and slides for the kids. My nephew and Emerson had a ball. It was a part of Em’s birthday. It felt nice to actually get out to do something. We’ve been cooped up forever.

 

Alright, that’s about all I have. Have a great week, all!

 

Hearts in my eyes

I haven’t updated in forever and I’m sorry! I’m so crazy busy though! I swear, I never have five minutes. Anyway, I didn’t get that job even though I had to interviewed THREE times for the darn thing. Unreal, but it is what it is. I wasn’t even upset when I was told. I honestly think that it might have been too much with Em still being so small. I think I would have handled it fine, but having  to seek out help would have been difficult for me. I hardly ask for help as it is and the times that I do, I HATE it. Staying put seems like a better idea for right now. When the time is appropriate, I’ll consider attempting to look elsewhere. In the meantime, I’m happy here.  What irks me most is that I wasn’t even seeking an opportunity out. They came to ME and asked ME to apply. What a waste of my time.

 

Emerson’s 3rd birthday is on Sunday. Where the heck did the time go? I decided to forgo the plans of the indoor pool and to just have a birthday party for him instead. The cost just made more sense to do a small, family party. Plus, it gives me great joy to party plan and decorate, so it was a win-win. His theme is “Young, Wild, and Three”. We’re going with black, white, and gold décor. I’m very excited about it. It’s going to be really simple, but I think once its all put together, it’ll look like I really put some time and effort into it. I have a lot to do though, so I better move my butt. I need to create/hang a background, make a couple of banners, make miniature party hats, a cake stand, and a few other odds and ends. The party is going to be extremely small. It’s just my parents, sisters, nephew, and Tim (boyfriend). I don’t think I’ve actually typed his name in my blog yet. That was strange. Anyway, it’ll be very small, but I’m holding back on inviting friends from school until at least next year. He  Why not save money while I can?

 

Other than that, things are going very well. I’m so busy at work. It’s incredible. This is our busiest time of year, so I’ve been crushed. It’s exhausting, but I know the light is at the end of the tunnel. This are going so well with Tim! It’s very refreshing and nice to have someone NORMAL in my life who is extremely supportive, patient, understanding, and absolutely amazing. I hope this never changes. I know it’ll fade eventually, but I hope that everything that I am seeing now is still there. He is so great with Em, which is extremely important to me. We will see how that relationship develops as time goes on. From my perspective though, I think he’s a really great person and I feel lucky to have stumbled upon him. This weekend will be the first time that he meets my parents. Hopefully this goes well. I mean, I want them to like him, but honestly, I’m old enough now that it isn’t that much of a factor for me. I make my own decisions and if I like him and Emerson likes him, then that’s all that matters. I feel like they are going to LOVE him though, so that’s a good thing.

 

I worked out during naptime yesterday and at 4am this morning. I’m already sore. My eating has been absolutely on point, but I haven’t been working out, so it’s time to marry the two. I feel pretty good. Once I get over this initial hump, it’ll be easier. It’s always very hard re-starting. I look forward to not feeling like crap though and looking better! It’s just a hard balance. I don’t see Tim very often. On average, probably one time during the week, and MAYBE once over the weekend. I don’t feel that he should be there nightly because Emerson still needs his mom. I hardly get to see Em during the week because of work, so when we get home at night, it’s nice to just spend time together without other distractions. I already have to divide my attention with dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc, so adding another person into the mix feels like I’m short-changing him. Trying to add in working out is an entirely new obstacle. On nights that Tim comes over, I won’t have time to work out , so working out in the morning seems like the best solution, but that means a 4am wake-up call. Em goes to bed a little bit later now, so working out after he goes to bed sucks. By the time I’m done, it’s almost 10pm. I’m trying to fit this all in and to be fair to all sides and to myself. It’s not easy, but I think I’m doing pretty good. On Saturday, Tim came over for dinner. While dinner cooked, we took a walk with Emerson. It was REALLY nice and a nice way to all spend time together without being stuck in the house. He also tried to teach Em how to ride his bike. We had no success in that department. I’m hoping he picks it up before summertime. It’s really nice though to have someone to spend time with outside of Em. I don’t mean that  in a crappy way either. Em is my entire world and no one will ever come above him, but having someone I can talk to and who supports me is so nice! This is something that I have not had…well…really ever.

 

Something strange happened last night, which I wasn’t even going to write about, but here it goes. My “best friend” blocked me on Facebook. I posted a status about fair weather Steeler fans. The Steelers played the AFC game last night and my entire newsfeed was bombarded with people acting like they had watched game after game the entire season. I mean, it was kind of unreal. The commentary during the game was even more comical. I know most of these people have not watched ANY games all season, but were throwing a fit over calls, and over them losing. Imagine if you had invested an entire season into the team and they had lost that close to being in the super bowl. I just thought it was funny that these people were acting like it was the end of the world when I know they only jumped on the bandwagon because it seemed like the “cool” thing to do. I even called my own sister out. She was prepping for the game with food, drinks, and  her Steeler shirt.  I know she hasn’t supported that team all season, but she was posting like she was some die-hard fan. She didn’t get upset about it. She laughed and said “yep, you’re right”. Let me make note that I was never implying that my friend was one of these fair weather fans. I don’t think she’s a fair weather fan at all, but she took the time to comment on MY status defending herself. If you have to defend yourself, then you are probably guilty of what I posted. Before I could even respond that my status didn’t apply to her, she blocked me. Really? Over that?! Grow up. If that’s how she wants to behave, then I don’t even need friends like that. She has been very strange since she moved away. A few months ago, she messaged MY friend and asked if her status was about me talking about her. How weird is that?! It felt very SWF. I don’t get her and I am really sick of it. She is one of those narcissistic people that anytime you post anything, she reads it with herself in mind. Not everything is about her, even though she thinks it is. We have been friends for 17 years. Maybe it’s just run its course. I can never tell her anything anyway. I can never confide in her, or really be candid with her because she is extremely judgmental. A best friend should be able to hear anything, but I’m so guarded already with her. What is the point? I wouldn’t have blocked her though. I was fine with the type of friendship we had. We catch up, we see what is going on in each other’s lives, and we saw her when she visited. We call sometimes. We text sometimes. That is normal to me. I did think it was a bit harsh to block me. She could have kept scrolling. My post was a tag of myself and Emerson watching The Secret Life of Pets. I mentioned that we weren’t watching the Steeler game and that I thought it was funny that people were coming out of the woodwork pretending to be die-hard fans. If you know that’s not you, then why are you commenting? It just seems unreal that she blocked me for THAT. I’m sorry, but that is psychotic. My feelings are definitely hurt, but what can I really do? I’m not going to message her, or even try to have a conversation about it either. She can figure it out for herself. I’m pretty much sick of it.

 

I think she thinks that we should all be kissing her butt because she moved to Arizona from Pittsburgh. Why? That was a choice she made. I am happy here. I am so sick of it being rubbed in my face that it’s warm there year round and she “got out”. Got out of what? You have no friends where you live and none of your blood relatives are there. Yes, you have your husband’s family, but you never see your sisters, nieces, or nephews.  Why would I be mad about still being in Pittsburgh where my entire world is? I love it here. I hate snow, but we only suffer a little bit. Most of the year is relatively nice. I’d rather have our weather than 109 degree temps to where you can’t even step foot outside. We make our own choices. I’m not STUCK here by any means. It’s a choice and one that I am HAPPY with. We all choose our own paths. I don’t think it makes someone better than anyone else though, especially uprooting your entire family. To be honest, this is a very livable city. There are countless things to do. Her comment yesterday, of course, stated the obvious. “I don’t post every time I watch a game, but we miss a lot of regular seasons games because we live in Arizona” Yes, again, we are all aware that you live in Arizona. I am aware that you watch the games. I wasn’t referring to you. Sit down. She will comment, or post anything just to make sure we are all aware of her geographical location.  Completely unnecessary to A. Comment B. Block me. C. #byefelicia

 

Alright, I have to let this go because it will eat at me and I don’t want that to happen. Have a great week, all!!

Update after published:I didn't get the job

Sorry! It has been so long again, but work is absolutely INSANE! I had my third interview on Friday. I feel like it went very well, however I have not heard a thing yet. Cross your fingers and toes for me. I need all of the luck that I can get!

 

Outside of that, it’s been pretty boring. Lots of home time outside of work and daycare. The weather is finally warm this week, but extremely rainy. I’m sick of being cooped up. Last weekend, we went to lunch and the mall with my sister. Em had a ball playing in the mall’s play place. It was nice to get out for a bit. We’ve been watching tons of movies too. I rented five last night. We got Home, A Bug’s Life, Up, Sherman and Peabody,  Open Season 3, and Inside out.  We still have tons of DVD’s that Tim (guy I am dating) let us borrow. We just needed to circulate some other things because I’m super bored with the same, old thing.

 

This weekend, we have nothing planned at all. It is supposed to ice, so that’ll probably ruin doing anything on Sunday like I had initially planned. We will see. Maybe we will head to the movies, or the trampoline park if it isn’t too crappy out. I am going to dinner on Saturday night, so my sister is babysitting Emerson for me. So appreciated. I hardly ever ask her, but I feel like she has done so much for me lately that I shouldn’t even ask. She won $500 at her Christmas party last weekend and showed up on Saturday with $100 to give me. Not only that, but she treated us to lunch, then paid for the random groceries and necessities I needed at Wal-mart on the way home.  I can’t even tell you how much I appreciated that. I didn’t expect it AT ALL and was caught off-guard to say the least. She is always thinking of us even when she should be thinking of herself. I can’t wait to do something nice for her to say “Thanks” for all that she constantly does for us. She picks Emerson up from daycare anytime I ask her, she babysits without question for me, and is always there to listen to my rant. I feel like she does way more for me than I do for her and that makes me feel bad. I know she doesn’t look at it that way, but I do! Her time is coming for sure!

 

Speaking of Saturday night, Tim and I are going to dinner. We haven’t really had the opportunity to actually go on a date aside from me taking a half day at work to spend time together, or him picking me up from work and getting coffee before I grab Em from daycare, or even breakfast before work one morning. Obviously, he comes over to my house to spend time with myself and Emerson, but it’s nice to actually LEAVE the house together too. I’m excited because it’s actually our first actual opportunity to hang out without needing to be somewhere afterward (work/daycare). I also haven’t posted this, or really discussed it much, but we have made it “official” as stupid as that sounds. God, why do I feel like a 7th grader typing that. Like, I am a mother. I shouldn’t be doing this, right? I don’t know. I have such a twisted perception of how I am supposed to be have now that I’m a mother. If I ever let that go, I’d be all set! LOL Anyway, I am very happy. Once I let a lot of fears go and just went with it, it definitely changed my entire perspective. I just can’t believe someone actually thinks I’m awesome enough to want to spend time with. Really? This gal?! PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. He is so nice though and probably way more than I actually deserve. He is amazing when he’s around Emerson.

 

I am balancing fairly well though. I saw him for Breakfast last Friday after I took Em to daycare. He came over on Monday with flowers and adorable shirts that he got me, while he was in Disney for the marathon. So sweet. He didn’t stay long because I had to work that night. He came over on Tuesday night about 30 minutes before Emerson went to bed, so Em and I still got to have dinner alone, and spend some time together before I split my focus. Em and I had Wednesday, Thursday, and today together, along with all day tomorrow before my sister babysits. It’s definitely difficult balancing both on top of running this house, and be extremely busy at work. I’m pretty exhausted, but at least he understands that I still need to be a mom first. Em is my #1. He is in daycare 55 hours a week. He needs his mom and it isn’t fair that he have to share my focus and attention every single day. I think I’m allocating my time very wisely. It’s nice that he is good around Emerson and handles his craziness well. I like that I can marry the two sometimes, so that we all are getting a bit of what we want.  I am definitely not one of those women who puts a relationship ahead of her child, therefore it is extremely important that I balance it out. I think I’m rocking it J

 

I am low-carbing it. Today is my second day. The holidays completely wrecked my healthy eating. I feel so awful, fat, and disgusting. After a few days of this, I know I’ll be back to feeling better, then I can start cycling back in some fruit, and sweet potatoes. It’ll be nice to start to feel normal again. Also, I do not want to put on a swim suit for Emerson’s birthday excursion feeling this way. No joke, I will completely change our plans to avoid doing that! He is too small to even know what our plans are to realize I changed it. LOL

 

Alright, I will catch up with you all later! Have a great weekend!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

I haven’t updated since I recapped Christmas. New Year’s Resolution: Update more! Anyway, we have been doing nothing at all. It’s so boring, guys. You all know how much Em and I are always on the go doing fun, new things, but our adventures have been extremely limited since Early December. It’ll pick back up in a few months, but for right now, this is just how it is. We have decided to do the indoor pool place for his birthday, so that’s something fun to look forward to. I think he will really like that, and it’ll be something to get us out of the house. We can pick back up with birthday parties next year.

 

Our New Year’s Eve was really nice. We ended up just going to my sister’s house for dinner, noise makers, and to hang out. Here’s a shocker: I brought the guy that I had mentioned previously. Now, don’t fall out of your seats. He has really toned down and pulled back, so that has allowed me to actually sort out if I like him, and if I’d like to get to know him more. Obviously, the answer to that is yes. We have been spending more time together, and he was going to come over after Emerson went to bed anyway, so I just decided to invite him to dinner with us. It was the first time he met Emerson. It wasn’t weird, or anything like that. I think my sister was caught off guard though. I haven’t mentioned this guy AT ALL. She knows now that we are seeing each other, so I guess the cat is out of the bag. Anyway, we ended up coming back to  my house around 815pm. Em got a bath, then went to bed. We watched Pete’s Dragon because I have been dying to see it. Afterwards, we watched the remainder of Dick Clark’s Rockin New Year’s Eve (Mariah Carey though!), and smooched at midnight. It was really nice, and one of the best New Year’s Eves I’ve had in years.  Tonight, he is coming over to have dinner with us. He is running a full marathon in Disney and will be gone Friday-Monday, so we’re squeezing in some time before he leaves. It is still extremely new and I am obviously still weary, but it has been really nice. We have a very nice balance, which is really important to me. Emerson and work will always be #1 including the house/dog. He knows that, understands that, and is never pushy otherwise. We don’t see each other very often, but the time that we do is really nice, so cross your fingers!

 

Outside of that, I am back on the workout train. It was nice taking a break over the holidays, but my poor stomach is ripped to shreds from too much processed food. It’s unreal how much that stuff tears me up! I am on day three of working out and I feel incredible. I’m training to run a half marathon. I’ve always had a marathon on my bucket list, so having someone in my life who actually runs marathons is a good motivator. We will see how this turns out. I used to be able to run 3 miles with no problems. I’ve ran 1.5 miles on Monday and today and nearly died by the time I was done. I had to stop to walk a few times too. I know my lungs and endurance will build back up, but DANG! It is not easy. To think that I could run 13.1 miles in 3-4 months is bananas. I did a pretty good upper workout last night too, so I am pretty sore this morning. I feel good though, and that’s really all that matters.

 

I now have a THIRD interview on Friday. This interview is with the VP, so I’m hoping it goes well. Let’s hope making it this far is a good sign. I’m so nervous  though. I thought I was all done and just a sitting duck awaiting a decision. I received notification yesterday that I was set up for another interview. I’m going to go into it like I did the prior two and pray for the best. I really want this opportunity so much.  I feel like this year is going to be all about change. Things are already changing so much. The fact that I’m even forging ahead with a career change, and potentially a relationship?! Training for a half marathon?! What?!! All really good things though. Let’s not forget Disney! That’s major and something I cannot stop thinking about. I think we’re going to aim for April 24-April 29. Those dates are looking good to me, but we will see. I need to see if I get this job, so that I can prepare to study and get my insurance license first. I don’t want to book a trip and have that interfere at all.

 

Emerson slept all night last night. Shocker. His sleep habits have been difficult to say the least. Let’s hope we are on the upswing of this now. His behavior has been so unruly lately. Some days, I feel like I can barely handle him. I think the holidays really shook things up and we just need to level off and settle back into our routine. It’ll take a few weeks. Let’s hope that’s all it is. I tell him all of the time that we’re a team. We need to work together, then things can be fun/great all of the time. Mom doesn’t want to yell daily.

 

Alright, that’s about all I have as far as updates are concerned. I hope everyone has a great week!