I wrote this yesterday

Christmas was great! Emerson still didn’t understand the concept of it, but that’s okay. He’s still young. Next year he will probably grasp it. He seemed pretty overwhelmed at the amount of gifts. Once he opened a gift, he was ready to play, yet we had more for him to go through. Once all of the toys were out, he seemed extra confused over what to play with. It was pretty funny to watch. He loves everything, especially the kitchen, which I’m glad. That thing took me 1.5 hours to build! I definitely bought way too much play food to stock it with. I’m going to go through and take out all of the duplicates. I’m sick of cleaning up 115 pieces multiple times  a day.  We ended up going to my parent’s house in two parts: Once in the morning before nap, then in the afternoon after nap. It worked out better that way. I had a really good time. My parents spoiled all of us as usual. I really appreciated it too. I feel extremely fortunate. It felt good to be spoiled. It’s not something that I’m used to at all. Sometimes you just need that. We didn’t do much during Christmas break outside of enjoying Em’s new toys. We did play outside considering the weather is unseasonably warm. I can’t believe Christmas is over though. I wish I had gotten to enjoy it a bit more.

I had a wisdom tooth pulled on Monday. To be honest, it wasn’t too bad at all. The sound of my tooth cracking almost made me vomit though. I was so geared up for this big bout of pain, but it never happened. I was numb during the procedure, but even afterwards, I was fine. A couple of motrin every few hours was enough to get me by. Now, 2 days post, I am fine. I haven’t even taken anything since yesterday afternoon. I was just doing it to get ahead of any pain that might occur. I can’t open my mouth all of the way, but I’m sure that’ll subside over the next few days. Next Thursday, the dentist  wants to take my last two. I made the appointment, but I am canceling. I just need a break. They aren’t bothering me, so I’m going to keep them a bit longer. I don’t feel like putting myself through anymore voluntary torture. I just want to eat and feel normal for a little while. I’ll schedule a regular cleaning/exam in February. We can reassess then and I can make the decision at that point to pick a date to have them extracted. It’ll be nice to just go to the dentist for a check-up outside of needing something. I need to make Emerson an appointment. It’ll be his first official dentist appointment. He’s had fluoride treatments and check-ups through the department of health at daycare, but he’s never had one at the dentist yet. I just added him to my insurance for 2016 though. I hope he does good for the dentist. I don’t know that he will. It’s not like I can give him a lollipop like I do when he gets a haircut. If he’s anything like he is when I brush his teeth, our dentist is is BIG trouble. I don’t even know if my dentist sees kids that little. I would assume he does. There was a little girl around 5 years old in the waiting room when I was there on  Monday. I just don’t know what would be better. Taking him to my dentist, or finding a pediatric one. I guess I’ll ask a couple of friends and float it past my dentist when I call to make the appointment. Pittsburgh friends-suggestions are welcome J

My diet has been so bad, guys. I have definitely packed on a few pounds and loss some major muscle mass. I haven’t worked out in about 1.5 weeks. My eating has been crap for about 3 weeks. I’m sure some of you are rolling your eyes thinking what damage can be done in that small amount of time. TRUST ME…A LOT. My size 2 skinny jeans are so freaking tight. I can’t even wear them. Anything around my waist feels so uncomfortable, even leggings. I hate it. The scale hasn’t really moved, but I’m sure it just evened out from the muscle I lost/fat gained. It sucks so bad. I have been feeling so sluggish too. I miss having energy. Last night, I meal prepped. I’m low-carbing it for the next couple of weeks (or until I can’t take it anymore) as a quick start to lose some of this holiday gain. I wish I hadn’t fallen off track, but I was busy with the holiday, then very down about my job. Now that both are out of the way, I am ready.  I’m still allowing oatmeal/banana for breakfast. I need those carbs to start the day. I’m not cutting carbs completely, but I am staying away from pasta, rice, white bread, and anything processed.

Today’s Menu:

Oatmeal/banana

Chicken tortilla soup (homemade by me. Lots of veggies, black beans, chicken, and topped with 3 blue corn tortilla chips)

Ham, Cheese, and Olive skewers

Pineapple

Turkey Burger (no bun), Mashed Cauliflower, Carrots

Banana/Peanut Butter ice cream (homemade. Just frozen banan/peanut butter mixed together in my magic bullet)

See. Very low carb. I’m sure I’ll get back down to where I was in no time judging by the way I was eating versus this cleaned up diet. I’m also doing an upper workout tonight, which I’m very excited about.

There is so much more I want to type. Gah! I am just afraid to talk about these things…It is MY blog. I should be able to be FREE, but I am so odd with certain topics. I’ll try to give some detail, while being extremely general. I have this horrible fear that someone will find my blog and I’ll look like a complete idiot.

I have been “dating” someone for a little while. I’m not even sure how long. Not that long. A couple of months, if that. I don’t even know if I’d use the word dating either. That seems too serious, but I’m not sure what comes before dating. Pre-dating? Scoping someone out to see if you’d want to just date them? I think that’s where we are. It’s not an exclusive situation. Freedom can be had. It is being had at least on my part, but I am ready to let that go if that makes sense. I’m not saying relationship status either. I’m saying where you are dating just that person and they’re only dating you. I don’t get that vibe yet on his part and I think it’s probably too soon to bring up. I don’t have a lot of free time, so even though we’ve been seeing each other for over a month and we talk all of the time, we’ve only spent time together on three occasions. Pre-baby, I would have thought this wasn’t enough time to make that determination. Post-baby, I do. Knowing how much you invest talking to someone to bridge the gap when you aren’t seeing each other holds  A LOT of weight to me. I feel like that’s when you learn the most about someone. So, I don’t really know. I guess I’ll keep you guys updated if there is anything more to tell. It isn’t just me that I need to consider either. It’s Emerson too. That’s the scary part. Alright, enough about that.

Alright, I have to get back to work. Break is over.

Have a Happy New Year!

Ashley

Looking up

So, I wanted to write a nicer blog since yesterday was definitely geared on the downer side. Last night, I built Emerson’s play kitchen that I bought him for Christmas. The weather is ridiculously warm, so it’s hanging out on the back porch until I wrap it up tomorrow night. It is adorable! It took me so long to build it. I definitely ran into some problems, but the finished product did not disappoint. I bought a 115 piece set of play food too, which is absolutely adorable! I’m going to stock the kitchen, then set up his shopping cart and shopping basket with what doesn’t fit. It’s pretty cute though. I hope he enjoys it. He loves the play kitchen at daycare, so let’s hope this is a hit. I also have to get up his gas pump that goes with his car. That’s all I got him, but you know what, he has so many toys. He doesn’t need a lot. My parents went overboard anyways, so when we go to their house he will have TONS to open. 

Today, I am done at 11am. I’m going shopping for my last minute items. I’m really excited because I haven’t really had any time to myself to go shopping, or run errands in a long time. This is sort of my Christmas present to myself. It’s the little things, right? Tomorrow night, I’m going to set everything up, eat some sushi, have a glass of wine, and watch a Christmas movie. It sounds pretty Heavenly. I’m really excited to see Emerson open up his gifts on Christmas. I hope he is as excited as I am. I’m picking up items for a fun breakfast from Santa for Christmas morning. I also think I am going to invoke a no t.v. rule for at least some of the morning, so he spends time with me and his new toys. He is so obsessed with television. We only watch Disney, but still. Shutting it off is necessary sometimes. We’re going to my parent’s house on Christmas in two parts. We’re heading over pre-nap to open gifts, then heading back over post-nap for dinner. I think that’ll make everyone’s holiday a little more enjoyable. Less stressful to make Emerson comply to their non-baby proofed home for a span of hours. This way, we can break it into two. The drive isn’t far, so I don’t mind.

Last night, I made Grinch cookies for the daycare. I felt bad about forgetting about the Christmas party, so I sent in cookies with Em and he wore a Christmas shirt. I know we are winding down the days here, but I am trying to make up for some lost time. We are watching my nephew tomorrow, so I was thinking of taking the boys to do something festive. I’m not sure what. I guess I have the day to figure that out. Again, making up for some lost time while I can. I am just ready to put all of the negativity behind me. It was such a great year. It sucks that it started to go downhill at the end. I really didn’t want to end it feeling this way.

Some side bar items. I have been dating. That sounds crazy to even type out. There isn’t much to talk about at this point. When there is, I promise I will update. I have this fear that my blog will be found and I’ll be embarrassed about talking about it. There are a few people that I have had the pleasure of spending some time with. Again, it is nothing serious at this point, but I guess we will see where it leads. I don’t want to jinx anything yet. Alright, guys. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas. Smooches!

Blue Christmas

I don’t have much time at all because I’m SO busy at work, but I wanted to update you guys really quickly. I haven’t written in FOREVER. I was staying away until I heard about my job. Remember? I was in hot water over someone in my department complaining that I wasn’t working my full day. Thank GOD it was finally unfounded. Six long weeks of complete agony!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, I don’t even know how to pick myself back up from how low I was. It is sickening to me. I have not enjoyed life, or even been very present in life since November 11th. Insane! Thanksgiving was ruined, and so was Christmas. I am desperately trying to find my Christmas spirit, but it’s so damn hard. I don’t even know, guys. I just do not feel like myself at all. What I have been going through is sickening. Not knowing if I’m getting fired, putting my resume out to everyone in the world, and especially feeling so betrayed from my team. That’s what I’m having the worst time with right now. I absolutely hate everyone. I am not a very hateful person either. I’m always able to move past things fairly quickly. Not this. You cannot screw with someone’s livelihood. Especially not a single mother. I don’t think I will ever be able to move past this. The absolutely terror and dread that I’ve been living the last six weeks has consumed me. I knew I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but I had to be interrogated seven ways to Sunday on numerous occasions. It has taken such a toll on my emotional health.

Some days, I don’t even know how I carried on with my normal routine. I have just been going through the motions of life. Taking care of Em, coming into work, and just having this cloud looming over my head. I’ve been so absent that I never even read the memo that Emerson’s Christmas party at daycare was last Friday. He was the only kid not wearing Christmas jammies, and we didn’t send in a treat. I missed our snack day. I didn’t even send an entry for him to be in the holiday art contest. I got a card in the mail announcing the winners yesterday. I don’t even remember reading that submissions were being accepted. I am just so out of touch with everything. It’s sad as hell. I miss myself so badly. I can’t even tell you. I miss who I was. I haven’t worked out in over a week. My eating habits have fallen to crap over the last month too. I just couldn’t focus on anything, but this impending doom.

The worst is still not feeling completely comfortable. I know that someone is out to get me in this department. I am very mindful to not give anyone reasons, but I feel like isolating myself makes them hate me more. I really don’t care. I come here to do my job, get paid, and to leave. I don’t need to be friends with anyone, but they are more into the friendships before work. That isn’t how this works though. You come here to do your job. That’s the priority. Sitting here watching these people come and go as they please and lolly gag all day makes me sick. I am not vindictive enough to make a complaint either. Every dog has their day. Theirs will come soon enough.

There is so much more going on. I’d need a week to sit down to type it all out, but within all of the darkness, there have been slivers of light. My sister left her fiancé about 3.5 weeks ago. She left for good this time. She moved in with my parents, but she already has a new house to move into in February. I’m so happy for her. She deserves this. She is such a tough person. It isn’t easy to get up and leave like that. I’m glad she isn’t accepting abuse anymore. She is so much happier too. I just want to be happy with her! I am not used to being this miserable. I’m TRYING so hard. I’ve missed blogging, working out, and smiling. I just want to be myself again. Any encouraging words would be so appreciated right now.

Emerson is in such a bad phase too. He is so hard to handle. Most days, I feel like just one big failure. I don’t know if it’s all attributed to my entire work situation, or what. I hope that’s the case. I usually am so much more patient than I have been lately. I don’t know if he’s just more unruly, or if it’s me. Is he playing off of my behavior? The only way to really know is to change my mood and demeanor back to what it was. Some days, it’s just easier to not leave the house. He is just that out of control. I tried to take him to see Santa a few times. It ended in disaster. We went to church for breakfast with Santa. He snapped out. He was throwing bibles on the floor. When I removed him from the situation, he FREAKED. It was so embarrassing. We ended up just leaving. I know it’s probably just a typical behavior of a soon-to-be 2 year old, but it’s like this all of the time. I need to just stick with some good discipline and reward great behavior more. Maybe over time that will change. Maybe he is just bad. I don’t know, but I hope it’s a phase that goes by quickly. I miss my sweet boy.  My family can barely handle him at all. They had to babysit for me yesterday because I had to work late. By the time I got there, my parents were so disheveled. He was that out of control for them. That has definitely been stressing me out lately too, though I’m sure this is typical. I just am ready for some better behavior.

There is something else going on that I can’t even talk about until it’s done and over with. It’s a legal issue. No, it has nothing to do with custody/support, etc. It is something entirely different. I am desperately trying to not be stressed out over this. It’s EXTREMELY hard, but I just want to get through this, and to start breathing again. I know God only gives us what he knows we can handle. I don’t want anything else dumped on me. I’ve got enough right now.  I hope you all have such a great holiday and you have a wonderful time with your families. Say some extra prayers for mine. I’ll return the favor.

<3

Ashley

Still nothing

I have been avoiding updating this thing until I had some news to give you guys. After 10 days, I finally had a meeting with HR. 10 days of pure agony and stress. Guess what? I still get to continue having this agony and stress! On Friday, I met with my boss and HR. They called our session “Fact checking” where they asked me a ton of questions. What I did when I came into work, did I get coffee, take my coat off, do I take the bus, how long is my commute? It was all very odd questions, so I have no idea where they are going with that. After 40 minutes of interrogation, the HR woman had one final question for me. “Why did you ask if you’d be fired? That is a very odd reaction to have?” The way she made me feel was that I was admitting some kind of guilt by asking. I told her I was by no means admitting any guilt, or fault. I am a single mother, therefore I rely on my job. My mind is obviously going to go to the worst case scenario. She said nothing. She didn’t try to put my mind at ease, or anything. She said they’d follow up this week with next steps. It’s all very sickening, guys. I cannot believe it has been almost two weeks of this.

The worst part is the person who told on me is so annoying. She does nothing all day, but stand in other people’s cubes and talk. She goes out for breakfast, lunch, and random errands. I know because she shouts it from the rooftop. We can all hear her because she feels that it’s necessary to announce anytime she does anything. It is so frustrating. I don’t want to start playing this game where I report other people either. I know that’s what a lot of people said I should do, but I just don’t want to start getting into this battle. It isn’t right though that she does NOTHING, but mess around ALL day, then she wants to complain about me. I bust my BLEEP every single day. I do not need this crap. What a way to start the holidays too. I hate this girl so bad, guys. I cannot believe what a jerk she is.

I feel bad only updating about this, but I can’t even let my mind go to anywhere else until I know this is okay. I do hope you guys are all doing well and you have nice Thanksgiving holidays. Despite all of this, I am still chugging along. Smiling, and just enjoying life with Emerson. It isn’t easy at all knowing what’s looming over my head, but I am TRYING. As a result though, I am completely exhausted. More exhausted than normal. Alright, I will hopefully have a better update later in the week.

I'm a wreck

I haven’t written in a long time. I just couldn’t find the words to even type them. I also didn’t want to speak prematurely when I’m still unsure of the situation. I’m ready to talk about it now even though I am so, so stressed out. All day, my face has been jumping/ticking. It is driving me insane. I’m sure it’s related to stress, but I wish it would stop.

Exactly a week ago, I had a meeting with my boss at 8am. I thought it was just a run-of-the-mill one on one, while she was in the office. She works in another office, but makes visits at least once every couple of months. Anyway, it started out like any other meeting. We discussed projects I’m working on and new training for work I’m taking on in another area. Then, she hit me. She hit me hard. She told me someone had reported me to the integrity office claiming that I am a time thief. Stating that I go to the gym for extended lunches and am not working my entire work day. You can imagine my shock. I almost cried right on the spot. She said they were investigating me. She wouldn’t know anything until they were done. She also couldn’t tell me if I’d potentially be fired.

Let me clarify a few things first. I am not a time thief. If I go over my time at the gym, I work that extra time at the end of the day. I’ve only ever ran over maybe 15 minutes at the most. Not a big deal. I’d just get on the 405pm bus instead of the 3:45pm bus. The issue was when I logged my time. I just put in a generic start and finish time, then worked my hours. I wasn’t putting it down to the minute, which I didn’t think was necessary. When these accusations were made against me, there were discrepancies in my badge scans versus the time logged. We don’t scan when we leave the building though, therefore they couldn’t determine that yes, I was still here well after the end time I logged working all of my hours.

It has been a week and I’ve heard nothing yet. On Friday, my boss told me that she wasn’t certain that I wouldn’t be fired, but that I needed to focus on what was important and that is the client. Today, I was told she hasn’t heard anything yet. Luckily, I am so busy at work that it’s hard to really dwell. That first day, I cried all day at my desk. I disguised myself as much as I could, but I was so upset.  It has been extremely stressful. My income is the only source of income that we have. If I lose my job, we lose it all. I’ve been submitting my resume all over, but have not heard a peep. I thought if I could at least get an interview to keep ahead then I’d feel better. That plan is not going so well. The issue is I can’t just work anyway and make any amount of money. If I can’t afford daycare to go to work, then it isn’t worth it. We barely scrape by now. If I was forced to take a job well under, then we’d be screwed. Unless I’m being paid well under the guideline to qualify for welfare. That way, I could get the child care subsidy, CHIP, and food stamps. That would probably be enough to even out the loss of income. It’s sickening to think about this. You guys have no idea. I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I am unraveling every single day that progresses.

Let’s not forget how disturbing and sickening it is that someone would even do this to me. It was the girl who was abusing work from home. She is so vindictive. If you’re going to complain about someone, you don’t go to the integrity office. You go to the manager to handle on their own accord. Taking it to HR is personal. That’s basically the next thing in line after killing someone. “Oh, I can’t shoot you like I want to, so here, let me just see if I can get you fired” I am so sick over it. I could never do that to someone. EVER. She is a mother. Yes, she has a working husband to help, but it doesn’t matter. She still has a child she provide for. To try to rip that away from me is SICK. I don’t care if you’re my worst enemy. I would never mess with someone’s livelihood. PERIOD.

She abuses the system more than anyone I know. It is ridiculous. Of course, I’m not going to make a counter complaint against her. That would make me look quite petty when I still have this open investigation under my belt. Two wrongs don’t make a right either. I just wonder if it ends here. Will she always have some issue with me that she’s trying to report me for something. I honestly mind my business. I come in, work, then I leave.  I hate working in an environment that is so petty. I don’t understand why everyone can’t just chill out. To take it to that level is really crazy to me. I love this job. This is my life. You guys have no idea. I have worked here for 9 years. This place is who I am. On top of that, I need this job. I cannot pay all of our bills without this place. This place keeps our lives afloat. I cannot lose this. I don’t know what I’d do. I really don’t.

Another thing that bothers me is I’m sick of people telling me that I am making a big deal out of nothing. Someone really asked me “Well what positives can come from this?”

“You’ll get to spend more time with Emerson”

You have got to be kidding me, right?! In what? Our cardboard box down by the river?? Unfortunately, life is not free. I have to have an income to provide. Being home and experiencing every second of his life would be amazing, however it is not realistic. I like working too and have no issues with that. He has grown and learned a lot from daycare. I like the way our life is and I want it to remain, or at least get better. I am so sick of being told that it isn’t that big of a deal. It’s a huge deal and for me to have to defend that makes me even more sick.  The thing is, I am not looking for advice, or for someone to solve this for me. How about just a little support and a pick me up? I hate feeling this way.  On top of the stress over the situation, the way I feel is just agonizing. I’m so used to feeling upbeat and cheery. I just want this to pass. I want everything to be okay, and I want to get back to focusing on regular life again. Enjoying the holidays, and just carrying on without being on the brink of a breakdown.

I have not been to the gym all week. I’ve honestly been too busy. I’ve been logging my time TO THE MINUTE too. I don’t think people should be fired right off the bat like that either unless it’s something super crazy/serious. People should be given the chance to correct and to align what is asked across the organization. I’m hoping that is the case. Please say a super prayer, guys. I need it so much right now.

Thanks for always listening. <3

It's been awhile

I haven’t written in an entire week!!!!!!!! I don’t have that much to write about though. Over the weekend, we didn’t do anything outside of visiting my parents. The object is to spend zero dollars. I’m giving it a hell of a fight too. So far, since last Thursday, I have not spent any money outside of necessities. I went grocery shopping on Friday. That was the extent of spending money. I did have to pay for parking yesterday, but that just means I’ll put less money on my bus card. We do need a few things from the store, but again. They are all necessities. Em needs diapers. I’m trying to make it until Friday before I buy any, but having to provide for home and daycare pretty much kills that. We’re almost out completely. We can probably make it through today, but that’s it. This upcoming weekend, we’ll continue with our spending freeze. I’m trying to make it all the way until December 1st. No eating out, no coffee runs for me at work, or buying unnecessary toys while at Wal*mart. That’s a big one. When I’m at Wally, I usually will grab a couple shirts for Em, a small toy, and candles for the house. Those small purchases really add up. It’ll be a boring weekend for sure, but we need to save as much money as we possibly can. Things are a little tight right now. So tight that I’ve actually had to revert back to buying cup o noodles for lunch. I posted in my body building group. I was told to add some tuna, or chicken to it. Yeah, it might not be the best, but at least adding in some healthy protein makes it not so bad. That’s what I’ll do to save some money over the next couple of weeks.

I’m so glad all the Christmas shopping is done though. It just sucks to be this broke. It would be nice to add on a couple of items for Em, but I don’t know. If I can just pinch pennies for as long as possible it’ll definitely be a possibility. I really want to get him a potty chair. I also wouldn’t mind getting him a chair for the living room. Those are the two extra items that I have waiting in the wings. We’ll see. It’s not that it’s hard to NOT spend money. It’s not that hard, but when you think about just sitting in the house all weekend with nothing to do you sort of miss it. We weren’t doing much, but getting out of the house mid-day to go to lunch, or a late breakfast was nice. With the weather cooling down, it’s not fun to be outside anymore. It has been rainy too. I know we’ll make it though. It’ll be a good thing for me to do this. I just need to hunker down because I don’t want to be worse off than I already am.

Work is insane. I am now working in two departments. Don’t ask me how. They decided to not backfill a position in another department. Instead, it was decided that I’d do all of that work, plus the work I currently support. It has been a grueling three days since this all begun. I don’t know. I just need to figure out how to make this all work. Alright, I have to get back. Have a super day, guys.

Well damn

THE FIRST PART OF THIS WAS WRITTEN ON MONDAY!

The last time I wrote I was getting ready to take Em trick-or-treating at the waterfront. It was packed. A 15 minute drive turned into almost 35 minutes. It was insane. Stores ran out of candy 25 minutes after it started, yet it was supposed to be a three hour event. We ended up taking Em to a couple of stores, then just shopping with my mom. It was still a good time. Afterwards, we went to my parent’s house for dinner. I don’t know that we’ll do that next year. It didn’t seem worth it. Plus, waiting in a line of 60 kids for one piece of candy seems silly. It gave us something to do though, so I can’t knock it too much.

On Friday, Em had his school party, so I sent him in Halloween Jammies. They were doing a masquerade, plus a pj party. Anyway, I boxed up the mummy cookies to send in too. When I picked him up, he had an entire cubby filled with treats, including one of the mummy cookies I sent. Amongst all of the other treats, they actually looked store bought, which made me feel pretty proud. We didn’t do anything on Friday night. After Em went to bed, I watched “In her shoes”. I love that movie so much.

Saturday was the big day! Halloween! Em slept in until 915am! How crazy is that?! When he woke up, I made him pumpkin shaped pancakes and eggs for breakfast. We just hung out at the house all day. Lunch was pumpkin shaped grilled cheese. He ended up taking a later nap, which only lasted an hour, but it was enough time for me to get a shower, get ready, and pack all of our stuff. Around 430pm, I got him in his costume, then we headed to my parent’s house. Trick-or-treating didn’t start until 6pm, so we had some time to kill. My sister and nephew were already there, so we were just waiting for my best friend, her kids, and her brother with his kiddos. We had a freaking blast trick-or-treating. Em was nuts as hell though. He was just darting off and into the street. It was wild. After a few blocks, I put him in the stroller. I was exhausting myself chasing  him. He was happy eating chips along the way, so I did most of the trick-or-treating for him. It’ll be easier next year when he grasps the concept more. We went around for a little over an hour, which was longer than I had expected. When we got back to my parent’s house, all of the kids came over. We had food and drinks. It was insane. We had at least 40 people stop by. The kids all had a blast. We hung out until almost 9pm before we headed home. When we got home, I gave Em a quick bath, then put him to bed. He slept until 930am! Setting the clocks back had us all wacky yesterday though. 930am really meant 1030am, so that threw me off all damn day gaining an hour.

We did nothing yesterday aside from grocery shopping. We slumped around the house watching television, and playing with toys. I cleaned a lot too. Em took such a late nap. He slept from 3-5pm, which really meant it was 6pm! I was so worried that bedtime would be messed up, but it wasn’t. He went down at his usual time. He ended up crying around 12:45am. I waited him out and he stopped after about a minute, but that never happens. Then, around 5am. I heard him cry again. It only lasted for about 10 seconds, but I definitely heard him. I woke him up a little early this morning just to make sure he was okay. He seemed fine. Maybe he had a scary dream, or something?

This week, we don’t have anything planned. I’m okay with that. I have a dentist appointment on Friday, which should be just lovely! I have to get two fillings, then the dentist is going to rebuild a broken tooth in the back. I have to be there for 1.5 hours. I know I’m going to suffer bad after, especially with keeping my mouth open that long. I don’t look forward to this pain. I just hope it isn’t as bad as when I had the root canal. He’s going to put a temp crown on this tooth too, but I won’t be able to afford the permanent one for a long time. It’s $150 for the permanent crown. I hope the temporary one is comfortable like the last one I had. It’s going to be on there for a while.

Over the weekend, Emerson’s play kitchen and play food came. It’s crazy how fast that stuff ships from Wal*mart. I’m just waiting on the pretend gas pump. That’s all I got him for Christmas, but that’s okay. He is too small to really understand right now. He has so many toys as it is. He doesn’t need a boatload. My parents spoiled him rotten though. They got him so much stuff already. I need to go through his toys before Christmas. I don’t know where the heck we’re fitting all of this in our house.

Alright, guys. I am going to cut this now, so I can go haul arse. Have a super Monday!

OKAY GUYS…THIS IS FROM TODAY: WEDNESDAY

So, I barely made it through half the work day on Monday before Daycare called to give Emerson the boot from having three runny diapers. I had to hitch a ride from town to my car. Ugh. I ended up having to take Tuesday off of work because he was not permitted back into daycare for 24 hours. He was fine yesterday. His diapers weren’t runny. They were looser than usual, but I’m blaming it on too many Halloween treats. I am so freaking paranoid right now that they are going to call me though. I just need my normalcy back. He was an absolute nightmare during the second part of the day yesterday. He refused to nap, therefore he was extremely overtired, which meant he was just out of control. We don’t have those days often, but we definitely did yesterday. He bit the dog so badly. He wouldn’t let go of her. The poor dog was freaking yelping in so much pain. Trying to get him to unlatch from her was nuts. Not having a little nap time break really sucked. Before all of that mayhem went down, we did have a nice day. I took him to the park to play, then we did a little fall mini photo shoot. The pictures came out adorably. He slept perfectly fine last night. I put him to bed a little early too. I was a bit paranoid that he’d wake up all night, but luckily, he didn’t and I got some sleep. I hope he is having a better day today.

Okay, I gotta run. Have a super one, guys!

Almost fail

Well, baking did not go as planned last night. I had a heck of a time. I ended up just making mummy sugar cookies. Out of a potential 48 cookies, 14 turned out. I’ll take it. There are 10 kids in the class, so that leaves a couple extra for the teachers. The ones that turned out look pretty adorable. I wrapped them all individually too. If the kids take them home, they won’t get messed up during the commute. I’m glad that’s done and over with though. I did enjoy it because I love being crafty, but I’m not much of a baker!

I started and finished Christmas shopping today. My budget was $250.00. I’ve been stashing away pennies for months to cover the cost. I got Emerson a play kitchen, play food, and the gas pump that goes with his car. I got my nephew a subscription for XBOX Live, which is pretty much all he wanted. I got my dad a Pen’s throw rug for his man cave, and a glass percolator that my mom has been dying to buy. I did pretty well. My sisters and I decided to not exchange this year to save some money. My parents bought Em so much stuff, that I didn’t need to go overboard.  I’m glad because I honestly just do not have the money for it this year. It took me forever just to save up what I did have. I’m glad it’s done and over with though. I ordered everything from Walmart, so I got free shipping. I don’t even have to waste my time, or gas to shop! I don’t know why people are up in arms when someone announces they’ve completed their Christmas shopping. Whether you get it done now, or later, who cares. I had the money, I had my list made, so why not? It’s not like I spent thousands, or even left my house. I’ve been researching, and saving for months. It’s not like I’m rolling in the dough either. I think that’s what it is. People see that you’ve completed your shopping and they start feeling sorry about not having the money to get theirs done. Um, it took me FOREVER to save this money. I didn’t just pull it out of my ass, though I wish I could. Things aren’t easy for me at all. They really are not. I am financially strapped and stressed ALL of the time. It’s unbelievable that I don’t have a panic attack every day, but I make it work. I was able to get Em two gifts for Christmas. That isn’t much, but it’s better than nothing. Sorry for being organized and prepared. That’s just how I am.

Tonight is trick-or-treating at the waterfront. I’m excited. The weather is more on the warmer side, and it isn’t supposed to rain either. Em was coughing this morning, so hopefully he’s feeling good to go later. I’m picking him up a little early from daycare, so I can feed him, then get him in costume. My mom is coming with us, so we are going to pick her up too. Alright. I have a meeting! Have a good day, all!

Some people are fucking asshole bitches

Remember about 26 days ago I told you guys that I reached out to Emerson’s dad about potentially helping out financially without me having to file, etc? Well, he ignored me completely. Shocker. I sent him a Facebook message last night and he blocked me. There is that. I won’t be trying that again. I mean, I gave him 26 days to respond before I tried another method of communication. I guess this means I need to make a trip to the courthouse, which sucks. I don’t feel like draining myself over a battle, but it isn’t right. I did not make this child myself. He needs to be financially responsible for him too. I don’t care if he’s ever around. I’m a great mom. I don’t need help raising Emerson, but he should have everything that he needs without struggle. Regardless, it’s just effin messed up. You can’t create a kid, then skip out like that. You still have to financially provide. I didn’t make the rules. Don’t stick your D in places if you don’t want to deal with the consequences. He is just a real piece of shat, guys. We all knew that already, but he is extremely cowardice too with blocking me to dodge responsibility. Send the kid a damn box of cereal, a pair of socks, something. I wasn’t asking for cash, or anything like that. Damn. At least buy him a pair of winter boots. Something. Alright. I have to let this go now. I’ll keep you guys posted as I go through the motions with filing. I think he either doesn’t think I need help, or thinks that I don’t deserve help. It isn’t me though. It’s his kid that he’s punishing.

I completely forgot that I’m taking a class from 3-4pm today, which means I’m going to be late picking Emerson up from daycare. We have to run to the store afterwards too, so we’re going to get home so much later tonight. I hate when that happens, but I’m excited about learning something new. Hopefully it won’t take until 4pm. If not, then I’ll have a really good chance at making the 4:05pm bus. If not, I won’t get on until 4:20, which means I won’t get to Em until at least 5:30ish. I guess that isn’t that bad. I wish I had remembered that I had this class though. I would have dressed better. On Wednesdays, we get to wear jeans, so I dressed down today. Usually I pair my jeans with a cute top, but I went a little sloppier today with a button down flannel. My director and supervisor will be there along with some other supervisors. I think I’m the only non-superior invited, so I just wanted to make a better impression. This is what I get for NOT looking at my calendar before I left last night.

This morning, my wrist feels even better. It’s definitely still sore, but not as bad as yesterday. I’m doing tris and bis at the gym today, so good wrist health is key, especially if I want to push the weight. I have a morning meeting, then I can go.  I can’t wait! I’ve been eating broccoli for lunch and dinner these past few days. It is killing my stomach. I’m done with it. I’m avoiding it when I eat lunch, and dinner tonight. I’m not using it anymore when I meal prep either. I’ve been so bloated. It’s unreal. I looked pregnant with air last night. I feel a lot better today. Thank God. It was absolutely awful yesterday.

Alright, guys. I hope you all have a Happy Wednesday!!

Ouch

I woke up to my wrist feeling a little bit better. Not 100% though. It’s still pretty damn sore, which sucks. Today is chest and back at the gym, so I’ll go easy on the weight and just up the reps. It sucks. I don’t want to have to baby myself!  I’m ready to see what kind of weight I can move. Gah! This is holding me back for sure. My shoulders are on fire today. I must have done a darn good job yesterday. My right glute isn’t hurting as much. Thank God. I was worried about that. My hammies are sore from the dead lifts I did yesterday, but nothing else. I can’t wait for leg day on Friday. I plan on killing it.

Anyway, after daycare yesterday, Em and I went home and played. I cooked him dinner. He had homemade macaroni and cheese, dinosaur chicken nuggets, and carrots. I had already meal prepped for myself (chicken, veggies, baked potato), so it wasn’t bad. Clean up was easy. I had all the dishes done by the time Em finished his last nugget. We just played the rest of the evening until bath, then bed. I showered, make a snack, thenI watched 27 dresses until my show, The Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion, came on. Then, I went to bed around 10pm. I didn’t fall asleep until closer to 11pm, but that’s because I was playing on Pinterest. Whoops.  I need to figure out what snack I want to send to daycare for Friday’s party. I have a couple of ideas, but haven’t settled on one yet. Whatever I do, I have to be able to make it on Wednesday night. We’re trick or treating on Thursday, so I won’t have time. I just need to make sure that whatever I make holds up until Friday. I found this adorable idea to make cookies that look like caramel apples, then you decorate them with cookies, sprinkles, candy, etc to make them actually look like gourmet caramel apples without having to use real apples. I’m leaning towards that. I can bake the cookies on Wednesday night and ice them. They’ll be all set and ready to be decorated with toppings on Thursday night. I can put them in plastic bags and tie with ribbon. The issue is finding an apple shaped cookie cutter and making royal icing without screwing it up. A lot can go wrong. LOL I can use a store bought sugar cookie dough recipe. Okay, it’s settled. I’m going to TRY this. I hope it turns out well.

Man, my stomach was so messed up yesterday. I just do not handle broccoli well. It sucks because I made that for lunch for the next TWO days. Heck no! I’m skipping right over it at lunch time today. I was in agony yesterday. I forgot how bloaty broccoli makes me. I need to swap out that for a  different vegetable. Sucks though because broc is so damn cheap. I’ll try some cauliflower, but I swear it does the same thing to me just in a milder form. Sensitive stomachs suck!

So, that chick has still continued to work from home. She came in yesterday, but left late morning to go home and work. Um, what?! Our boss was off, so that’s probably why. Guess where she is today?! AT HOME!!!!!!!!!! Someone else complained to our boss about it. They were basically scolded for even bringing it up, so I’m not saying a word. I’m allowed to work from home on Thursday, so that I can take Em trick or treating at the Waterfront.  I asked in advance obviously. This chick just up and leaves. She never sends out an email notifying our area, or anything either, so I know she’s just doing whatever she wants. I so want to get smart with her, but that isn’t very professional, plus it wouldn’t get me anywhere. It’s DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our boss did say that she told this chick she had to find daycare, but clearly that message wasn’t loud enough. Okay, I can’t dwell on that today.

Alright, I am going to go get my stuff done. I hope you guys have a fab day!

Our busy weekend

What an insane weekend. We had a great time, but it was incredibly busy. On Friday, I had to hurry and run to the store after work to get everything for our bon fire. I had to grab stuff to make s’mores, some hot dogs and buns, chips,  and hot chocolate. Afterwards, I picked Em up from daycare, then we headed over to my sister’s house to grab her and my nephew. We ran back home, set everything up, and prepared the dogs, while we waited for one of my best friends and her two kiddos to come over.  It was awesome. I can’t even sum it up any more than that. Em ate so many marshmallows. He’s never really allowed candy, or anything that even remotely resembles candy, so he was in his glory. He ate so many pretzels too. He did good around the fire. He kept trying to blow it out like birthday candles. It was hilarious. The other kids had such a great time. They took up fort in Emerson’s play castle. It was pretty cute. They ended up using his play tunnels to roll up and down the yard. I let Em stay up until about 830pm, then I gave him a bath, then put him to bed. It was nice because that meant I could hang with my sister, and best friend, have a few drinks, and just laugh and talk without worrying about what he was doing. The kids ended up going inside and building a MASSIVE train using Emerson’s train tracks. It was nice because that meant the adults could just hang out and talk. We laughed so hard that we were all crying. I needed that so much! Just to be around my girls, catching up, and having a good time. It was absolutely perfect. My best friend and her kiddos left around 10:30pm after the fire died out. Britt and I cleaned up, then I headed to bed myself. I had three drinks and boy was I feeling that the next day! I don’t really drink at all outside of one glass of wine on Thursday nights during Greys/Scandal, and the occasional glass of wine on Saturday nights when I rent chick flicks.

We had to wake up so early on Saturday morning to make it to the  Halloween parade. Em snoozed until about 8:30am, which was nice. We all hurried to shower, then got ready. I made everyone pancakes to eat before we headed out. Emerson and Isaiah both had to be dressed in their costumes too. It was a bit chaotic, but we managed to make it to the parade on time. The kids had a good time. They walked in the parade, then got a pumpkin, lunch, and a Halloween book. They also were provided supplies to decorate their pumpkin, and got an entire bag of candy. I let Emerson have a milky way. Oh Lord. Marshmallows the night before, then a milky way. We threw caution to the wind this weekend! After the parade, we stopped by my parent’s house to visit. We were all starving,  so we raided their fridge, ate, then headed back to my house. I put Em down for a nap. He ended up sleeping for over two hours. The birthday party started at 3, but we didn’t make it there until almost 4. We had such a great time! My cousin had an entire Frozen themed party complete with chocolate covered marshmallows. More caution to the wind. Emerson chowed down! We hung out there for about two hours, then we dressed the kids back in their costumes, then headed to a Halloween party. We didn’t stay at the party very long. We headed out around 7pm, then had to take Britt and my nephew home. It was a really long day! When we finally got home around 8pm, we were starving. We ate dinner, then I gave Em a bath, and put him to bed.

On Sunday, Em slept until 830am again, which was nice because that meant I got to sleep in too! Once he woke up, we headed to my parent’s house in our jammies. Dad made us breakfast, so we ate over there, and did our laundry. We hung out until noon. Em had a nice time. By the time we got home, he was pretty beat, so I put him down for a nap. Then, I worked out, got ready, and made our grocery list. After nap, we did all of the grocery shopping, then came home to play for the afternoon. We decorated and carved pumpkins before  I made dinner. Afterwards, we ate, played some more, then it was bath, and bedtime. By the time I sat on the couch, I was a zombie. I had meal prepped yesterday too, while I cooked dinner. It was pretty hectic, but I got it done. It was a really great weekend, so it was worth the exhaustion. Em had a great time playing with all the kids too. He looked adorable all dressed up as Superman and a nerd.

This week, we have plans on Thursday. I’m taking Em trick or treating at the waterfront with my mom. I’m excited. I have to check the weather though. If it’s too cold/rainy, then we aren’t going to go. The weather is supposed to be nice for Trick or treating on Saturday though! I cannot wait. We’re going with my best friend/her kids and my sister/nephew. I think my best friend’s brother is coming too with his son. The more the merrier! I still need to figure out what the heck snack I’m sending into daycare for Em’s party on Friday. I hate being so darn indecisive!

Outside of that, I just want to have a really chill week. I wrote up a pretty amazing workout schedule for the week too. Today is shoulders and legs. My wrist is hurting. I have no idea what I did to it, but I hope it doesn’t affect me too much when I try to lift later. I did so well last week. I worked out 6 out of 7 days. I hope to do the same this week. My eating could be more on point though. Ugh. During work hours, my eating is spot on. Dinner has been a bit of a challenge though. I’ve been eating whatever I make for Em, which isn’t always according to my clean eating plan. I did meal prep some dinners, so that should hopefully keep me on track for the week. I’m working at home on Thursday, so I can take Em trick, or treating, so I’ll try to meal prep for Friday-Sunday to really keep on track.  I can feel it in my belly that I haven’t been sticking to a clean enough diet, which sucks. I’m going to try my hardest to stick to it 100% this week. I don’t eat like garbage, but I know I’ve been overloading on the carbs lately, which isn’t helping matters. Anyway, that’s my goal for the week. Eat healthy 6 days, and do whatever I want for Halloween on Saturday. 90/10. I can do it!

Okay, guys. I hope you all have a great week!

This was written yesterday. Whoops

Sore is an understatement to how I feel today. WOW. Yesterday, I trained a co-worker at the studio. I put together three rounds of an intense glute/leg/abs workout. It was amazing though. I felt sore an hour after the workout, so I knew today I was going to suffer. Today was my cardio day. Instead of just running, I decided to organize and outside High Intensity Interval Training workout (HIIT). Anyway, we all headed over to the park. We ran back and forth, which ended up being 1.5 miles when we were done. In between lapse, we dropped and did sets of burpees, mountain climbers, and high knees. I set a 20 minute timer. We basically repeated that as many times as we could get in 20 minutes. When it was all said and done, we ran down 6 times and back 6 times, which totaled to 1.5 miles. We did 20 burpees, 20 high knees, and 20 mountain climbers. Not too shabby!  Tomorrow is triceps and calves. My butt and thighs are so, so sore, so that should give them a good rest. Saturday is my rest day. I haven’t figured out Sunday yet. We have so many plans that I think by the time Sunday rolls around, I’ll be exhausted. I don’t like the idea of taking two rest days in a week though. Maybe I’ll do some yoga just to stretch out. We’ll see. I’m not opposed to do a quick HIIT workout on Sunday. As long as my cardio isn’t surpassing 45 minutes, I should be okay. Anything more than that, then I risk burning off muscle. No good. I’ll keep it around the 20 minute mark. Quick and dirty. Okay, enough about my workout. It was epic though. I still have a workout high from it!

I finished the raccoon mask. Boy, was that thing difficult to make. Cutting out basically 4 eyes and trying to line them up between felt and the mask posed a big challenge for me, but I got it done. I hope it fits nicely on Em’s face. I need to measure it and adjust the elastic. I’ll test it out tonight and see what I need to do. I won’t be at daycare to see him rip it off anyway, so I don’t care. I just know it’s way better than the lame ass supplies they gave me yesterday to make him a mask!

Alright, guys. I am going to end this. I hope you all have a fantastic Thursday!

This is from yesterday

I got a letter home from daycare on Monday that the teachers are changing Halloween this year. Instead of having the kiddos dress up in costumes, they’re doing a masquerade instead. They think it might be easier than having to send costumes and getting all the kids changed into them. I can see their point. They are going to be sending home supplies, so that the parents can make masks for the kiddos. We don’t have to use their supplies, but if we go our own route, we just can’t use anything that might fall off, or create a choking hazard. Naturally, I’m doing my own thing. I got a pattern to try to make Emerson a raccoon mask. I found something so adorable on Pinterest. I’m going to put him in a gray sweat suit for that day too. I doubt he’ll keep the mask on, but it’s worth a shot. I doubt they expect the smaller ones to wear their masks all day anyway, but I have no problem making the effort. I just hope I don’t mess it up.  I need to have it done by next Friday. I need to give myself time to mess it up too!  On top of the mask, I needed to sign up to send in a treat. I was just going to do goldfish crackers in treat bags, then make the treat bag look like a jack-o-lantern. Easy and cheap. I did have some other ideas, but we’ll see. 

Em is being a nerd for the Halloween parade this Saturday, and for the Halloween party we’re going to on Saturday night. I have to get some white tape, so I can make him some glasses. I bought a pair of glasses at the dollar store, so I just need to fix those up. I doubt he’ll wear them, but I hope I can get one picture. I was going to dress up as a nerd too. We’ll see.  It depends what I have at home to make that happen. LOL

Shocker, that chick is working at home today. This is now the second time this week. For occasionally, she is making it pretty regular, huh? Yesterday, she was at someone else’s desk gabbing for 30 minutes, then had the audacity to shout out “What does she do all day?” about one of our co-workers who works off site in another state.  It is so hard to bite my tongue sometimes. I was just told by a co-worker that our supervisor did tell that chick that she needs to find a daycare, but who knows how long ago she told her that. I don’t even know if it’s worth bringing up at this point. I don’t want to look petty, but seriously. It’s DRIVING ME NUTS!

It was 70 degrees yesterday and will be just as warm today and tomorrow, which means we can play in the yard! The grass just got cut too, which makes it even better. I need to go to the store after work today to get some stuff for our fire on Friday night, and then to pick up the supplies to try to make Emerson’s masquerade mask. We also need wipes too. I’m not sure what dinner will be tonight. Last night, we had meatballs, pasta, vodka sauce, and garlic bread. It was yummy!

Okay, I am going to cut this now. I have a lot of stuff to do! Happy Wednesday, guys!

This grinds my gears

Something has REALLY been bothering me lately. I’ve actually mentioned this to my supervisor with little action. We do have a one on one meeting this week, so I am going to bring this up again. We were told a few weeks ago that our work from home days were to be limited to occasional occurrences in the instance that you’re sick, your kid is sick, in climate weather, or if you have an appointment. Obviously, I was initially upset about this. I have to pay $7.50 per day to ride the bus. Working from home once a week saved me $30 a month, which is a lot of money to me. From the second she put it into effect, I abided orders. I was allowed to work from home this past Friday because I had a dentist appointment. There is someone in my department abusing this. This person works from home 2 to 3 times a week! That is way more than occasionally! This person is doing it to avoid having to use daycare, so she works around her husband and dad’s schedule for care for her child. It’s crap. You aren’t even allowed to work from home with your kid on an on-going basis. It’s against company policy. How can you be a daycare AND do your job??  I’m sorry, but it isn’t right. When I work at home, Emerson is NOT there. I don’t even know how I’d get any work done anyway.

I brought it up to my manager and asked her to reiterate the acceptable reasons to work from home. I also asked her to clarify if this was across the board, or just something implemented for me. She reiterated the new guidelines, then stated that it was department-wide. Okay?! So why is this person continuing to do it?! Maybe she doesn’t even know this girl is doing it, but it’s not right. I pay a daycare AND transportation bill every month. If she gets to avoid the cost by working from home, then let all of us do it!!!!!!!!!! It is INFURIATING and it is absolutely CONSUMING me. I don’t care what ANYONE does. I come in, mind my own business, work hard, do my job, then I leave. I’m not the one that made up a new rule though. If a new rule is going to be made, then it needs to be followed. Again, I don’t care if people work at home, but don’t take the privilege away, but then let someone get away with abusing it. When I speak to her this week during our one on one I am going to bring this up again because it’s ridiculous. The person abusing it told me that it’s okay if we have a reason. Um, no. Avoiding to pay for daycare is NOT a reason! What grinds my gears is this person told me money isn’t even a factor. She can afford daycare. She is just ABOVE using it. I don’t think so! 

I mean, I know at a point I need to just let it go. I never have work drama, or anything. You never hear me talk about it, do you? I just do what I need to do here. I need this job. I love this job too. I’ve worked here for 9 years. I don’t even know who I am without this place anymore. This place gives me so much gratification. I couldn’t be more proud to be an employee within this company. I’m sure half of you are rolling your eyes, but I absolutely mean it. I love it here and I love coming here. I don’t even mind coming into the office if it weren’t for having to spend more to commute. I’m glad we at least have the flexibility to do it, but it just kills me to watch someone abuse it. I know I shouldn’t worry about other employees. I should let them hang themselves, but man. It burns me up! After this next attempt to bring it up, I will drop it. I do really love being a part of this company, but we got a new supervisor in July and it hasn’t exactly been the easiest transition for me. It’s a lot less hands off, which I like, but hands off means rules aren’t made to be followed. I don’t even know why she made up that new rule either. If you aren’t going to enforce it, then don’t bring it up. Yeah, we are adults and should follow rules without being babysat, but if someone tells you it’s being abused, then you do something about it.

The crazy thing is this girl made it a point to come in on Friday for her free breakfast for working here for 15 years. When you reach a milestone like that, the company gives you a half day at no cost. She made sure she came in for her free breakfast though, but she can’t bring her ass in here on a regular day to work. It baffles me. She didn’t even work that day because she went to the free breakfast first, then had an early dismissal. All I can do is shake my head. It’s crap.

Alright, I really needed to get that out because it has been bugging me for nearly THREE weeks!  We have such great jobs. Honestly, we do. This girl just feels very entitled and thinks she can do whatever the hell she wants. She actually told me if they tried to challenge her working from home, she’d take action. What action?!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s called RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. I am done!

A real blog

Okay, now that I got the last blog out of the way, let me talk about our weekend. On Friday, I had a dentist appointment. I had my permanent crown put on and also had two fillings. I have one more appointment scheduled for November 6th. I need two more fillings, and then the dentist is going to fix a broken tooth that I have in the back. He can do that all in one appointment. He said after that, I’ll be all set! Thank God! On Thursday, I had an eye appointment. I walked in thinking I had 20/20 vision, then walked out with a new pair of specs. I’m farsighted in my right eye. I forgot my glasses today. It sucks because I’ve been spoiled being able to see clear. Ignorance is bliss. I didn’t realize how bad it was before I had the glasses.  I’m sure by the end of the day I’ll be feeling this.

On Saturday, we took the kids up to Kerber’s dairy for a hayride, pumpkins, and ice cream. We had a good time. Em freaked out when he saw the goats and lambs. Freaked out in a good way. He just kept yelling “Dog!” I guess he thinks anything on four legs is a dog. LOL It cracked me up. He freaked in a bad way on the hayride though. We didn’t realize it was a 30 minute deal. Try asking a toddler to sit for 30 minutes. Ha! Fat chance. Anyway, we decorated pumpkins on Sunday. Em had a good time until he started to eat the stickers. LOL  I also rearranged the living room on Sunday. I’m trying to make a more functional space with the toys. Now, Em can actually see the toys he has. I think he likes it better. He played for hours by himself. It was nice. I was able to clean the entire house, and fold all of the laundry. It was a nice weekend. We need more of those. It was nice being home so much. Next week…wow…

Saturday is going to be absolutely insane. We have a Halloween parade on Saturday morning, then a birthday party in the afternoon, then a Halloween party that night. I hope Em is ready for all of this! I’m hoping he naps after the parade before we go to the Halloween party.  On Friday night, we’re having some friends come over for a fire and smores. My sister and nephew are sleeping over because they are attending all of the same things as we are on Saturday. Sunday, it’ll be a chill day for us. We’ll probably swing past my parent’s house for a little bit in the morning, but other than that, we are staying home. I know I’ll be exhausted after all of that!

Today was picture day. I hope Em smiled nicely. I dressed him up so adorably though. He wore a red plaid button down shirt, jeans, and nice shoes. Perfect for fall pictures. I hope they come back before Thanksgiving. I swear they always take forever. Other than that, I hope it’s a pretty chill week. I hope you guys have a good one too!

Why are people assholes??

I am very ticked off about something that happened this weekend. Beyond furious. Let me back up a little bit. This weekend, my family and I had planned to go to a pumpkin patch. We were going to go on Sunday. My older sister was actually going to come too. We were all excited, but the weather wasn’t looking real great. It was supposed to be really cold with a small threat of snow. We still kept the plans anyway though. On Saturday, my sister and I took Emerson and my nephew to Kerber’s Dairy. It’s a creamery that makes amazing homemade ice cream, but they also had a hayride and a pumpkin patch too. The kids had a great time, but it was freezing. Emerson ended up with windburn on his face from the hayride. The wind was whipping pretty badly when we were on it. I didn’t realize how bad it was until we got to my parent’s house. His poor cheeks were so red.  We all decided at that point to just cancel going to Trax and to do pumpkin decorating and dinner instead. My parents told me to make sure I texted my older sister to tell her. Below is the full conversation we had. (verbatim)

Ash: We’re just going to do some pumpkin decorating at mum’s tomorrow since its going to be so cold. The kids went to Kerber’s today and it was snowing and so cold on the hayride! We are having dinner there too so come over!!!!!!!!

Nik: Okay

Ash: Yay!! We are getting stuff to decorate them J (Them meaning the pumpkins)

Nik: That sucks we aren’t going and plans changed to evening because I have plans to go to a haunted house tomorrow night. That’s why I was glad we were going in the day so I could go to the haunted house.

Ash: A haunted house on a Sunday? You probably won’t go until dark time tho. We’re going around like 3 J You’ll have time to do both

Nik: Yeah I was going at 530. It takes an hour to get there

Ash: It’s just too cold to have Emerson out for long spans like that. None of us care what we do as long as we do it together. You hardly see us, or the kids and you haven’t seen Isaiah in eons. You do see your friends a lot. It would be nice for you to come. If not, then  you probably won’t come around until Thanksgiving if you don’t already have other plans. (One year, she didn’t even come for Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!)  We make the effort and visit your home. Maybe you could start visiting us to see Em a little more than a handful of times a year.  It would be nice if he actually had a relationship with you. He doesn’t now at all.

Nik: Well we had plans to go in the day time, so I made all my plans surrounding doing everything in the daytime. So since you guys changed the plans, now I’m expected to cancel all my other plans and I’m not doing that. I get that it’s going to be cold out. I understand that, but that shouldn’t mean that I can’t go to the haunted house now that I’ve been waiting to go for 2 weeks because you guys changed the plans.

Ash: Well maybe you’ll have time sometime soon to come and visit.

That’s it. Usually, I let it go, but it is bologna. I wasn’t expecting her to change her plans, but she really is with her friends pretty much daily. They sleep at her house. She sleeps at their house. She works with her best friend too. We even invited her friend to come with us. Anyway, it does tick me off because we’ve made the effort and have gone to her house on several occasions. She didn’t even have the audacity to show up for Emerson’s birthday party. She blew us off in the craziest way!

When I went to my parent’s house the next day, my mom asked me to fix her phone. She had a huge bubble underneath the screen in her ottor box. After I fixed it, I pulled up her text just to get the phone lit, so I could see if it was gone. Low and behold, there was a slew of rotten text messages from my older sister. She was bashing the hell out of me. I guess my mom said she was upset that my sister wasn’t coming. I never told my mom. I texted my dad and said “I got stuff to decorate. Nik can’t come because she has other plans” That was it. I never told him about our exchange. Nik starts bashing me saying I manipulate them into thinking she is being flakey and just didn’t want to come. It’s not her fault that we changed the plans. She said I constantly make myself the middle man. She also said that she felt it was rude that I didn’t invite my parent’s to Kerber’s with us. (I actually did. They declined ) My mom actually had my back on that one and said that I did, but that they had other things to do. Nik said she would have liked to be invited, but she said it after she told my mom she doesn’t want to be around me and is only nice when I’m around because she isn’t a rude person. She then asked my mom to verify that her, myself, and our younger sister aren’t exchanging Christmas gifts because apparently I must make stuff up all the time.

Throughout all of this, my mom NEVER had my back. My mom could have stopped the entire thing by saying that I NEVER even said anything. I never talked about it at all with them because I don’t need to. Just because I had a conversation with her doesn’t mean my parents needed to know about it. I never said anything to them about her not wanting to come either. I also didn’t make myself the middle man. They were my plans to begin with and I organized the entire thing. I was told to let her know that the plans changed. It’s such crap. I didn’t manipulate crap. She makes herself look like a real idiot when she doesn’t show up regardless if plans changed, or not. I don’t make her look that way. She does it to herself. She loves to pull the victim card and make it look like other people are in the wrong for her absence in the family. It’s beyond annoying. Here, I thought we were starting to have a better relationship, but she validated yesterday that she’s just being fake towards me because she isn’t a rude person. News flash, bitch. That is rude!

My mom keeps it going though. By not squashing it initially, she eludes to the fact that I did say something when I really didn’t. It gets even better too. My mom starts talking MAD SMACK on Nikki to me and Britt! She was saying she’s done with her and she isn’t making the effort with her anymore. Then, she says Nik was kissing her butt via text, then asked her to go Christmas shopping. My mom said she told Nikki she doesn’t know if she wants to. LIAR! Her texts said Yes, and that she was excited about it! Why is she being so two-faced?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s like she likes it, or something. She is playing ALL of us! I’m not even telling Nikki either. She wouldn’t listen anyway. They are both made for each other. They both have serious mental problems. If you guys even knew how my sister lived her life you’d be absolutely baffled. It isn’t my story to tell though. One day, she will have to answer to it though.

Let’s fast forward to a few hours later when my sister was creeping on my Instagram AGAIN and accidentally LIKED one of my photos.  She does it ALL of the time. For someone who hates me and thinks they are so much better than me, she is constantly on my Instagram stalking. I’ll give her some stuff to read if she wants to use me to pass the time, but she isn’t going to like what I put up there! It isn’t slander if it’s the truth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The bottom line is she’s an ahole. She’s been an ahole since 2010 when she started to live a different kind of life. She can continue to be an ahole. I am completely done with that bitch!

Unknown territory

Before I get into the more juicier stuff that you guys probably want to read, I wanted to talk about my workout today. 45 minutes blasting my glutes! Dumbbell step ups, weighed squats, donkey kicks, lunges, dead lifts, then walking lunges. I did 25 reps with 10lb weights, then repeated three times. I crushed it. I can tell I’m going to feel this tomorrow. I need to use heavier weights, so I can do less reps.  That way, it doesn’t take me as long when I’m on my lunch break. I’ll get there, but today was awesome. Tomorrow is my cardio day, then I finally get to rest on Friday. Here is what my weekly workout looked like. We’re starting from Saturday when I officially decided to shift from the 21 day fix to lifting.

Saturday: Legs

Sunday: Chest and Back

Monday: Tris/Bis

Tuesday: Shoulders and abs

Wednesday: Glutes

Thursday: Cardio

Friday: Rest

Not too bad! It’s nice breaking everything  down to this level. The 21 day fix extreme did a nice job of doing that, but this is driving even more into a specific area at one time. Grow, baby, grow!

Okay, so last night, after Emerson went to bed, I invited my friend over. We’ve been friends for about 12 years. Years and years ago we started to hang out a little bit, but the timing was never right…meaning I always had a boyfriend, or an ex-boyfriend in the mix, or I was just an ahole looking for something else outside of what was in my face. Anyway, we’ve maintained our friendship all of these years. We pretty much talk daily even if it’s just a quick chat. We know each other fairly well, so there isn’t really any bologna to muddle through. I wasn’t inviting him over as a romantic hangout, date, or whatever the kids are calling it these days. It’s just nice to be in adult company sometimes. I don’t have a lot of freedom to go out, so inviting friends over after Em is in bed is what I am limited to. It’s not a bad deal either. It isn’t interrupting my time with Emerson and I also don’t have to get dressed up. Score!

I’m not sure what he viewed it as. I wasn’t having him come over to hook up, or something weird like that. I thought we could just talk, play with the dog, and watch t.v. Pretty basic. We did just that. We talked for a long time, we played with the dog, and we watched t.v. He did bust a move on me, which I didn’t ward off, or hate. We have been friends for so long that it’s sometimes hard to see people in a new light. Sometimes it’s hard to look past a friendship onto other feelings, but it didn’t feel strange at all. I get pretty freaked out these days because I’m very mindful of Emerson, and I like my independence. I am very picky when it comes to who I am spending my time with. It was really nice. Nothing CRAZY happened, guys. We kept our pants on. LOL Someone is going to have to work pretty hard for that to happen, but it was nice to not have any pressure either. I don’t really know what will happen from here, but I am oddly not worried about it. It was nice to be in good company last night and to not have to sit on the couch all by my lonesome. I’ll obviously keep you guys updated. We have emailed back and forth today. He sent me an email and apologized for keeping me up so late. I guess it’s a good sign that he even said anything. I guess I didn’t scare him off too badly yet! Just kidding.

A little background though about Mr. X (I refuse to name drop and I also hope he doesn’t have access to this blog. How embarrassing) He is a couple of years older than me, but not by much. He lives fairly close to me. He’s in the IT and graphic design business. He has no children, and lives on his own. He has 3 turtles as pets though. 2 of them are pretty old. I believe both are over 20 years old. He has a sister who is married, but has no children. She does have 2 dogs though that he loves, and visits several times throughout the week. He actually met Kodie (my dog) when she was a puppy. She warmed right up to him when he came over last night, which was nice. I’m not sure how he feels about children though. Throughout all of our conversations when I was pregnant through now, he strikes me as the type that wants to date someone with freedom. Someone who can come and go whenever they please, go on vacation, and not be tied down too much. Obviously, I don’t have that kind of freedom. He doesn’t drink really at all, and he never parties either. He was never a bar kind of person either. He’s into cars and car shows, he does workout at the gym though he isn’t nearly as crazy about it as me, which is probably a good balance. He is a very nice, respectful person, which is really important. He has some old-fashioned tendencies, which I think are nearly extinct in this day and age, so that’s refreshing. The fact that he wasn’t pawing at me ridiculously last night says A LOT. Some people don’t know how to just go slow, work your way up to those kinds of things, and just enjoy the moments leading up to THAT. Everything is RUSH, RUSH, RUSH. Okay, that’s about all I have for now. Again, I don’t know what will happen and I’m not even sure what I would like to happen, but not having expectations is so nice.

Let’s switch gears. Emerson got to take his teddy bear to school today. He was so darn excited about it too. He cracks me up. While I was driving him to school, I kept hearing him kiss the bear in the back seat. He is so silly. Alright, guys. I have so much to do, so I am going to cut this now. Have a fabulous hump day!

My ramblings

The last time I wrote was 5 days ago, which was Thursday. It’s now Tuesday. I’ll just break it down by day. It’s easier that way.

Friday- I drove into work because we woke up late. That sucked. I hate driving into work, but I had missed two buses. If I waited for the third, I would have been crazy late. I ended up getting to work on time by driving. You probably wonder why I don’t just do that daily. Well, parking is more expensive than taking the bus, plus putting wear and tear on my car, and using gas. It adds up fast. I’d rather take a 65 minute bus trip than have to drive myself for 45 minutes. Either way, it’s sucky to have to commute that far, but I like taking the bus. Anyway, since I drove in, I decided to just get my run in early. It was dark out, which was kind of scary, but no one bothered me. I always have this fear that a homeless person is going to attack me, while I’m running under a bridge, or overpass. My run kind of sucked though. I had a cramp in my side the entire time. I couldn’t get rid of it. I only ran 2.3 miles. A total flop in my mind, but any exercise is better than no exercise. I went back to the gym, showered, got ready for work, then headed to my desk. Not a bad start to the morning. I had several meetings set up, so I handled my biz, then left work at 3pm to beat traffic. On the way home, I stopped at the store. We needed wipes, toilet paper, and some food to get through the weekend. I picked Em up from daycare, then we went home for our usual routine. My sister gave me some teeth whitening trays to try out. She didn’t like them, so I decided to give them a whirl after Em went to bed. Wow, my gums were SCREAMING. I couldn’t even make it through the entire 30 minutes. They cause sensitivity, but on an already sensitive mouth, it was overload. Luckily, the sensitivity didn’t last very long.

Saturday, we had big plans. We had a play date with my friend and her son.  After chocolate chip pancakes, Em and I headed to the mall. We found they took out the kid’s play place. I guess they’re remodeling it. I had no idea. Luckily, we had a back-up plan. We headed to giggles and smiles. Em had a blast. It was nice meeting up with another mom and her son too. The kids had a great time. We stayed there for about an hour and a half. Em was so tuckered out that he fell asleep in the car on the way to my parent’s house. We hung out there for a while, then went to the grocery store to grab a couple mini pumpkins, then home for Em to nap. Em took a long nap. While he slept, I cut out some pumpkins, so that he could finger paint when he woke up. I also did an amazing leg/glute workout. After Em got up, I sat him at the table to do his crafts. He wasn’t as interested in finger painting as he was playing with the paint bottles. He occupied himself for at least 2 hours! I was able to make dinner, and to clean up uninterrupted, which was nice. We had dinner, played, then did our usual night-time routine. After Em went to bed, I rented Magic Mike XXL. Wow. It was an awesome movie and left me wanting more by the end of it.

We slept in until after 8am on Sunday morning! Wow! What a treat! I woke up so confused when I saw my clock read 8:06am! That’s just not normal in our house. I guess giggles and smiles really wore Em out. We played at home for most of the day, then went to visit my parents. We stayed there for a while and did our laundry. When we got home, Em played in the yard until dinner time.  After bed, I watched all of my shows (Kardashians included), then went to bed.

Monday, I took the day off because daycare was closed. They follow the school closures. Our district was off for Columbus Day. Em and I played at home most of the day. After nap, we headed to the store to get our weekly groceries. Afterwards, we played in the yard, had dinner, played some more, then Em had a bath, then went to bed. I stayed up until a little after 10.  I ended up over sleeping today though, which sucked. I didn’t drive in though. I wasn’t paying more money to park after I had already loaded my bus card.

I got my flu shot this morning. My arm is sore, but nothing major. I’m hitting the gym shortly for shoulders, then abs. I’m sore from the bis and tris workout I did yesterday, and from the chest/back workout from Sunday. I meal prepped for the week last night too, so I’m all set. I’m trying to find a good balance between wanting to be lean, but wanting muscles. It’s hard. You can’t really get muscles unless you gain some weight and cut some cardio, but you can’t stay lean by doing that. I haven’t figured out what direction I want to go in yet. I know I want to grow a little. Nothing insane, but to do that I do need to pack on some pounds. I’m not fully ready to commit to gaining yet. Most people gain, stop all cardio, power lift, then cut like crazy to bulk up. I’m just not comfortable getting fluffy in the process. I’m slowly adding in calories every week and decreasing some of my cardio, so that it isn’t a BIG shock. Instead of running 3 times a week, I’m reducing it down to one time outside, and a job on my treadmill. I’m also upping my weights, so that I can actually grow when I lift. I’ve derailed from my 21 day fix program and have navigated towards the hammer and chisel programs that are available through my beachbody on demand mixed in with just some dumbbell workouts that I have. So far, I’ve been sore every single day, so I know that signifies change in some aspect. I just need to keep with it, keep upping my weights, and add in some healthy calories. More protein, healthy fats, complex carbs.

I was figuring out my macros the other night and had a hell of a time. I was overshooting the protein, but coming well under with my calories, and carbs. How is that even possible? I think I try to eat TOO healthy at times. I’ve rearranged my meal plan a bit, so I can support my goals, but I am still finding it very difficult to meet my required calories of 1750, but keeping at 112g of protein! Protein has so many calories in it. You’d think if I’m overshooting that total, I’d be hitting my calorie mark. I’m not though. I’m having a hard time consuming 1200 calories. I need to add 100-125 calories a week too. This is going to pose a challenge for me, especially to my wallet. I don’t want to have to buy more food. I’m giving it a fair shot though. I know I need to eat if I want to see any progress. The good thing is the more I weigh the more protein I can eat. It’s 1g per pound that you weigh. That excites me! I know a lot of people follow a flexible diet that are into powerlifting. I like that, but it also leaves the door open to interpretation of how you view the flex dieting. IIFYM (if it fits your macos) basically means you can eat whatever you want. Poptarts, cake, cookies, etc. As long as you’re eating within your fat, carb, and protein range it doesn’t matter what you eat. I don’t condone this though. I think sometimes it’s okay to do this (moderation), but not every day. It’s crazy though because a lot of bodybuilders do this and they are absolutely shredded! I don’t want to gain burgers and fries though. I’d rather gain healthy weight. It’s tempting though. Bad food is cheaper than eating clean, but I don’t want to live that way. I made this change four months ago and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed eating healthy. I don’t want to go backward. I guess we’ll see what happens over the next month. I need to take some before pics to measure against my first bench mark of November 13th. I’m not sure what I want to achieve by then. Maybe gain 3-5lbs, but to put on some good muscle on my back, legs, and arms.  Okay, I’ve gotten completely off track here.

Sorry! I hope you guys all have a good week!

Appointments like whoa

Last night was ridiculous. After I picked Em up from daycare, we went home. I put dinner in the oven, then we played for a while. Em wasn’t interested in playing in the yard at all. I keep telling him he’s going to regret passing up yard play when it’s too cold to go outside, but he’d rather play in the living room with his toys. Anyway, he played forever. He was so engrossed in his toys that I took it upon myself to do the dishes to get ahead of my chores before he went to bed instead of after. Anyway, I was minding my business and washing a glass, when the damn thing busted and cut my hand. Ouch! I didn’t panic though. I grabbed the nearest thing to me, which was one of Emerson’s old t-shirts that was in the laundry basket. Yep, shirt ruined. I applied as much pressure as I could to try to stop the bleeding, then called my  mom. I wasn’t entirely sure if I needed stitches. The cut is in such an awkward spot on my hand. They’d probably just glue it shut. My dad ended up coming over with some first aid stuff, then patching me up. It’s sore as hell, but I’m okay. At that point, I was just done with the day. I fed Em dinner, gave him a bath, then put him to bed. I did a quick workout, cleaned, packed lunch, then laid on the couch until almost 11pm.

This morning, I was running so late. I slept in until 5:27am. Ugh. Luckily, I had packed lunch the night before, and got the diaper bag ready. I’ve been showering at night, then blow drying my hair, but I didn’t do it the night before, so I knew we were going to be even later. By the time we left the house, it was nearly 615am. 17 minutes late, which meant I missed TWO buses. I decided to just drive in today. If I didn’t, I would have been about 35-40 minutes late to work because I would have had to wait on a later bus. I ended up getting here on time, but that means I have to pay to park, which sucks. Anyway, I am trying so hard to not let it dictate my day. It’s my own fault we were so late this morning. I’ve been running behind all week. I know it’s because I’ve been staying up later too. I just need to take my butt to bed earlier. I haven’t been able to work out at lunch for the last couple of days, so that’s throwing me off too. I’m now using some of my evenings to work out at home, which sucks. I like getting it done and over with, so I can do other things at night. I’m hoping I can work out during the day today, so I can have my evenings back!

Today is the best my mouth has felt since I had my root canal last Tuesday. It’s crazy how long it took to feel better. A week! It sucks because I have to go back on the 16th to have the permanent crown put on AND some fillings. I know that I’ll probably be all messed up again after that. I’m dreading it. I really, really am. I’m still not eating on that side, but it doesn’t really bother me as much now. I haven’t taken any Motrin for a couple of days either. I know he wants to do some other things to me after my next appointment. He said we’d start on the other side of my mouth. Ugh. I know I need some fillings on that side, and he mentioned wanting to put a crown on a tooth that the filling broke in. After that, I think I’ll be good to go. I just don’t look forward to being all banged up afterwards. He definitely wants me to get my wisdom teeth taken out, but I’m putting that one on the back burner for now! He can do the fillings, and then we’ll go from there. I need a break though. I’ve been to the dentist 3 times in the last three weeks. I know it’s necessary though. Once I am all caught up, I should be good to go. Em is getting his teeth cleaned and a fluoride treatment today at daycare. The health department makes periodic visits. I had to give consent, but it’s nice that they offer that free service to the kids. I didn’t put Em on my dental insurance for 2015. I didn’t think I would need to take him before 2. I’m mad at myself now. I wish I had because I would have taken him already to get his teeth cleaned, and to just expose him to the dentist. Open enrollment is this month, so I’ll be adding him for 2016, then making an appointment for the beginning of the year. In the meantime, I fight with him twice a day to brush his teeth. It’s REALLY annoying. I’m appreciative that the dentist will see him today though. Hopefully he doesn’t freak out, and I also hope they don’t have anything bad to report. I stay on his teeth! Okay, enough teeth talk. Sorry, this has just been the center of my life for the past couple of weeks. Next up, an eye appointment on the 15th. I don’t think they’ll screw me up too badly, or that’ll be a double whammy. Eye appointment, then a dentist appointment the next day.  After that, I need to find a NEW gyno to have a yearly done because with the whole healthcare feud going on here, I can no longer go to my obgyn. At least I don’t think I can. I’ll have to check. If I can still go there, that would be amazing. I haven’t had a yearly appointment yet, so I need to scratch that off of the list too. Next year, I’ll schedule all of this stuff spaced apart, so I don’t feel like I’m constantly going to appointments! I also need a regular physical too, but I did have a health screening back in June. That came out fine, so I think I’m okay on that front.

Being healthy isn’t just about eating well and exercising. It’s about the upkeep, which means having regular check-ups for EVERYTHING. This is something that I’ve fallen behind on, but now that I have Emerson, perspective has really come into play. As much as I need to keep him healthy, I need to worry about myself too. That’s one thing  didn’t see growing up. My parents never kept regular maintenance of themselves. My dad actually does now. He has regular doctor visits, but my mom doesn’t do anything unless she has a problem. Preventative care, people! Does it suck, yes, but in the long run it could make such a big difference. For years, I’ve paid for amazing insurance, but never used it. Why? I have no reason outside of sheer laziness. I have amazing healthcare coverage, so why the hell am I not using it for preventative services? I am now though, which is why I’m making all of these appointments to get myself back to a clean bill of health.

Alright, guys. I am going to wrap this up. I hope you all have a healthy day!

I hate being poor

The next ten days are going to be extremely hard for me. I cannot spend ANY money outside of putting gas in the car, groceries, diapers, wipes, and loading my bus card up.  I’m sure you’re wondering why. Well, $300 for a crown is not cheap. I paid $150 when I went to my appointment last Friday, but I need to pay the remaining $150 when I go back on the 16th. It SUCKS. I’m trying my hardest to not dwell about it because it is something that I truly did need fixed, but man.  My pockets are suffering badly. On top of that, I got slapped with a $110 water bill that I wasn’t expecting. I am basically $410 in the hole and trying to dig my way out. Luckily, all of the other bills are paid, so we are okay in that aspect. I just need to really crack down and get back into my cheaper way of living. Becoming a Beachbody coach has been great and all, but a few people returned their Shakeology, which put me in the negative, so any commission I was getting went towards that. I haven’t been pushing very hard with that business either, so I’m not really generating any income from it. I just don’t have the time to dedicate to it without bogging myself down. I really enjoy working out and coaching the folks that are using the programs, but I don’t have time to send messages every day to invite people to use the products. On top of that, posting constantly to attract interest was exhausting. It’s been really nice to take a step back from that part of the business, but losing out on the income has been EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. For the last three months, I was becoming overly comfortable with that income. We weren’t doing anything lavish, but I was buying more and better quality groceries. That’s the part I’m going to miss the most. I refuse to go back to eating Ramen every day though. Even if it means I’m eating plain brown rice for lunch, I don’t care.

I do see a couple of tough months ahead financially for us. Christmas is looming too. I cut the lists down to barely nothing to help  out, so we should be okay there. Emerson won’t really know the difference anyway, plus my parents will spoil him regardless. It does make me nervous to be strapped this badly, but I am on the right road to hopefully correcting it. It saddens and sickens me that $400 sends me into a tizzy. It should make, or break me, but it really did! The last thing I want is to be overly stressed about money. It has been so nice to not worry as much as I typically do. The next ten days are going to be such a challenge, but I know if I can make it through without spending a dime, then I can make it through the next few months.

Luckily, there are so many free Fall and Halloween events going on this month that Emerson and I can still enjoy the festivities without spending money. I already bought his Halloween costume too, so we’re all set there. I think we’ll have plenty to distract ourselves over hopping in the car going to dinner, or random trips to Walmart. We need to get back to the basics with crafting at home, going on walks, the park, and having free play dates. I hate that money controls everything.

I sent Emerson’s dad an email last week. I basically asked if he’d be willing to help with daycare costs, or any costs for that matter. I write an almost $800 check every month. It would be amazing if he’d actually pitch in to help me. I understand that he doesn’t want Emerson, but he still helped create him. He is still financially responsible for him. I don’t understand why people don’t want to do things in an amicable way. He never responded, which doesn’t surprise me.  Anyway, I am not going to dwell on about that. It is what it is. I put it out there, which I’m sure he just LOVED reading that I was asking him for help. It isn’t help. It’s your responsibility to your child. I have never asked him for anything, or pursued anything either. I am a really good mom. I handle my shit by myself, which I have no problem with, but I can’t get a second job because I can’t afford more daycare. I can’t make money appear out of thin air either. Some things I just can’t do. Okay, enough about that.

Alright, guys. I am going to wrap this up now. I hope you all have a fabulous Tuesday! Thanks for always sticking with me!