Our weekend

We had an action packed weekend that turned out to be really awesome. On Friday, I got home early, so I went home first before I picked Em up from daycare. We didn’t do anything major on Friday night. We just hung out at home. Emerson ended up waking up at 652am on Saturday morning. Ugh. He usually sleeps until well after 7am. I was not happy at all with that. I made us banana pancakes for breakfast, then we headed to buy a birthday present for the party we had that afternoon. My cousin’s daughter turned 2. She is absolutely adorable. I had a great time shopping for girl stuff too. After shopping, Em and I headed to my best friend’s house for a playdate. It was only about 8am when we stopped over too. She didn’t mind at all. We let the boys play for a couple of hours before Em and I went home to get ready for the party. We headed to the party around 1pm. It was so hot out, but we had a great time. Em loved the bouncey house and running around with the other kids. We hung for about 3 hours. Em hadn’t napped all day, so once he was in meltdown mode, we made our exit. He napped until about 6pm, so I knew bedtime would be a bit later, which was fine. He ended up going to bed around 8pm. I rented Aloha, had a glass of wine, a snack, and just hung out. It was nice. Em ended up waking at 652am on Sunday morning. Really?! Even with a later bedtime, he was still up early. We piled into the car and headed to Dunkin Donuts. I got a pumpkin spice latte, which was amazing! Em got a couple of munchkins. He absolutely loved it. We hung out at home for most of the day. After Em napped, we headed to pick my sister and nephew up, then did a little back to school photo shoot. Em wasn’t really interested, but I still got some decent shots. It was fun anyway. Afterwards, we headed to the park, then to my parent’s house for a big turkey dinner. By the time we got home, it was 630pm. Em played in the yard for a bit, then went to bed at his usual time. It was a great weekend.

I got so much food prep done for the week too. I’m so glad. I ended up making  5 breakfast, lunches, dinners, and 10 snacks. So, what’s on the menu? I made banana bread overnight oats for breakfast. They are so yummy and taste just like banana bread. I made southwest chicken bowls for lunch topped with avocado and lime juice. Dinner will be fish, rice, and mixed veggies. I made buffalo chicken dip with cucumbers to scoop, and deviled eggs for one snack. Then, I made peanut butter Greek yogurt with strawberries. I also have my Shakeology. The only thing missing is my nightly snack. I’ll probably just wing that and make some kind of fruit snack. Everything is ready! I’m glad because that lifts a huge burden off of my shoulders for the week. I’ll just need to cook dinner for Emerson, which is not bad at all.

I slacked a bit over the weekend. I didn’t work out at all on Saturday, or Sunday. It’s time to get back into the routine. I’m working out tonight after Em  goes to bed. Tomorrow, I’m running. Wednesday, I’m doing my upper workout in the gym studio. I’m running on Thursday, then bringing another workout to the gym studio for Friday. We’re doing our labor day cookout on Sunday, so I’m going to work out on Saturday night. That should complete the week! I’m much happier adding my carbs back into my diet. Clean eating is the way to go paired with exercise. I think I just feel a bit at a loss of where I want to go right now and what goals I have. Building muscle would be amazing, so I am going to plunge forward with my 21 day fix extreme workouts, but up my weights. Working out in the gym studio will help me do that. I won’t need to buy new weights yet for home. Instead, I can play around with different sizes there to figure out where I need to go. I’m at 8 and 10 right now. I’m thinking 10 and 12 will be my next move. I’m using my 8 and 10 today, but the workout I’m doing might be difficult even with those sizes, so we’ll see.

This week, we have nothing planned, which I’m fine with. I have Monday off of work, so we’ll have a long weekend. I’m thinking of driving into work on Friday, so I can run in the morning, then still using studio time that afternoon. That sounds a bit ambitious, but I won’t shower/do make up before I drive into work, so I can just get ready there when I’m done running. Alright, I have to do a few things before the day is over. I hope everyone has a great week!

When will it end

Day #4 into carbing down and I feel great. I was a little rundown yesterday, but I didn’t drink nearly enough water, so I’m sure that was a huge contributing factor. I’ll rectify that today. I measured my waist yesterday. I lost an inch from it. I’m officially back to where I was and maybe even a little better off than where I was before camp. It only took me three days too, which isn’t too bad.  It certainly takes a good amount of dedication to carb down, but I prepped all of my food, so I had no excuse. On Saturday morning, I’m rewarding all of my hard work with banana oatmeal pancakes. I haven’t had fruit ALL week, so I cannot wait to have some banana! Em will love it too. Bananas are his favorite food.

I’ve been taking a much different approach with Emerson this week. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday have been a lot more stress-free. I find myself less frustrated, and raising my voice less and less. He is insanely wild, which is typical toddler behavior. He’s into every and anything, which isn’t always the safest. I find myself saying “No” way too much. It drives me insane! This week, instead of saying just “No”, or “stop”, or “Don’t do that”, I’ve been trying to re-direct his attention to other things. I also explain why something is dangerous, etc. Before, I’d just tell him to stop, and that would be it. Now, I come down to eye level, and I really try to explain it. I know he knows what I’m saying. He always makes this pouty face like he’s in trouble. Well, you can’t throw your shoes in the oven. I mean, come on now. I have to correct that. I’ve been reading up so much on how to react to tantrums, etc too. I don’t want to feed into it too much because it really drives me nuts. I don’t want him freaking out anytime he wants something. Then, when I give it to him, he thinks that’s how things go. I don’t think so. So, I’ve been telling him that I can’t understand him unless he talks to me in his regular, nice voice. It doesn’t initially work. We usually have a 5 to 10 minute struggle of him flipping out, but he eventually calms down. Usually, he’s flipping out because he wants a snack, or a drink. Well, there is a normal way to ask for things. You don’t have to freak out and cry to get it. I feel a lot less frustrated this week though. It’s saving my sanity a bit. I’m just trying to teach him to communicate with me better. He can’t form full words yet, so it’s a struggle for him. I’m sure it pisses him off not being able to just tell me what he wants, or needs. There has to be a better way than throwing yourself all over the floor like an insane person.  We only get to spend about 2 hours together in the evenings before bath, and bedtime, so I just want to make it more enjoyable all around. It shouldn’t be filled with “don’t do this” or “Stay away from that”. He’s learning boundaries, etc now, so obviously that’ll be a part of our evenings, but handling it differently, so it isn’t consuming us is my goal. So far, so good! At the same time, I’m teaching myself some patience, which is not easy after a long day already. It’s just me at home though, so I need to have some order in my house. A toddler cannot be ruling the roost. LOL

I haven’t really spoken to my mom all week either. We got into a little tiff on Monday, which was so stupid. I accidentally had my Shakeology delivered to my parent’s house, so I went over on Monday to pick it up. My sister and I were both out of Shakeology, so we had none to bring to the cabin with us. My mom had a couple of packets that’s he didn’t drink, so she offered them to us. She has not been using the 21 day fix program for about 3 weeks. Even when she was, she’d never drink her Shakeology, so she’d leave it sit there to go to waste unless we drank it. Anyway, when I went to pick mine up, she said “Are you going to pay me back for the two chocolate shakes you took?” I look at her with serious crazy eyes. I said “You aren’t using the program, and you don’t even drink them, so no!” She basically freaked out, told me I have no sense of humor, and that she was just joking. She was not joking. Who would even joke about that? There are far more funny things in the world to make a joke about. It was beyond absurd. She’s on thin ice with me anyway because she has yet to apologize to me from her little stunt two weeks ago. So, before I left, she told me that she can’t stand me and all of this rude stuff. Really? I didn’t say anything back to her. I don’t care if you birthed me. Do not talk to me like that. She’s just mad that she fell off the wagon with her program and she feels like crap about it, so she’s blaming me. It’s ridiculous. Because I fired back at her, I’m sure she expects ME to apologize to her. It’s just unreal and I am sick of her shit. I really am just so sick and tired of her. She needs to get her shit together because it’s not right. We have no plans to go over there because I just can’t handle the negativity and the level of crazy she emits. I don’t want Emerson around that. I don’t know what her deal is, but I just cannot take it anymore. After her behavior a couple of weeks ago, I am just done. We came around enough to go camping, but I barely talked to her the entire time. When I do talk to her, it isn’t NORMAL like it was before her big ol’ outburst. It’s very general. I fully understand why my older sister doesn’t come around. She’s off living her life and being happy. I’m trying to slowly disassociate ourselves enough to where it’s like that too. Where I am not obligated to come around all of the time because it’s what SHE expects. She thinks I owe her the sun and moon, when I don’t owe her shit.

She knows where we live too, so ifs he wanted to see Emerson that badly, she’d drive over. She literally works 5 minutes away from our house too. She NEVER swings by on her way home. We visit my parents ONE time a week for about 1 to 2 hours AT MOST. Sometimes, we don’t even visit for that long. My dad gets super annoyed with how rambunctious Emerson is, so it isn’t even worth it for us to be around all like that. We go until he starts irritating him too badly, then we  leave. It’s not even worth the 15 minute drive. Their house is not toddler proofed at all. They expect him to go into their house and not touch anything. Well, then start coming to our house where he isn’t so damn restricted. I love my parents to death, but they’re just bugging me so much lately. I can’t deal with it. While we were at camp, my dad threatened to go home because Emerson was crying and having a tantrum. What?! How the hell did you raise three kids?! My dad will apologize though. That’s the difference between he and my mom.  Okay, I’ll stop ranting about this, but it is really bugging me! I don’t have that many people in my life, so the ones that are in it, need to get it together.

Alright, I’m going to eat my pumpkin pie oatmeal, which is the only carb I get for the day. It tastes so delicious, so I want to savor it. I have to finish up a lot of work, then head to the gym. Have a great day, all!

Just some ramblings

Today is day #3 in my carb down week. Yesterday, I only packed one snack for work, which ended up not being enough. I was starving by the time I got off the bus. I had to run to Giant Eagle to get some doggy ice cream to celebrate Kodie’s birthday, so I ended up grabbing a protein snack pack, which held me over until dinner. Today, I’m better prepared. I have two snacks, breakfast, my shake, and lunch, so I should be all set until dinner tonight. I’m planning on going for a run around 10am, so I’m eating my breakfast now. When I come back, I’ll have a snack before my first meeting, then lunch before my second meeting. I’m planning on carb depleting through Saturday morning, then I’ll add some fruit back in over the weekend. Next week, I’m following the carb depletion too, but I’m scattering the days that I do it. I just needed to get back on track from camping, so that’s why I decided to carb down during the work week. I already feel back to where I was before I went away last weekend, so that’s a good thing. I just need to make sure I’m eating enough. It’s definitely a trial and error thing that I’m still working through. I don’t feel too run down either. Typically, anytime I’ve done a carb depleted diet, I’m so exhausted and run down. I wasn’t using proper portion control before though, so I’m sure that had a lot to do with it. I’ve replaced all the carbs/fruit that I would have eaten with extra veggies and protein, so I’m not going without. I’m keeping my calories up, and I’m actually drinking more water than usual.

Okay, enough about my fitness and nutrition. I can’t believe it’s already Wednesday. We have nothing at all planned outside of just hanging at home, which I’m fine with. I have no idea what the weekend entails. I’ll probably ask if my sister and nephew want to get out with us at least once. I want to take Em to the park too. We barely do that. I know cold weather is right around the corner, so we better get it out of our system now while we still can. It has been so chilly this week. We were going to swim this weekend, but I bet that water is freezing cold. Hopefully it warms up before labor day.

Em needs some fall clothes so badly. I need to plan a day to get his fall wardrobe together, and to clean out all of the clothes that don’t fit him anymore. I also need some things for myself. I just want to get a new pair of fall boots, a new pair of jeans, and a couple of warmer tops. I don’t need much. I probably need some socks though. I seem to lose those over the summertime. I know I can find some good, cheap stuff in the girl’s section. That sounds terrible to say, but I know I can get the basics for cheap in the little girl’s section. I can fit a L/XL with no issues. Sometimes, the XL are a little big, but nothing crazy. I just bought a cute pair of sweatpants for $7.97 in the little girls section for camping. I would have had to spend $13 in the junior section. A L/XL is roughly the same size as a XS/SM in juniors, so it isn’t really that big of a deal that I can fit clothes in that size. It would be stupid to not buy stuff in that area since it’s so cheap. I also need to take my car In for service. There is a recall on it and I am about due for an oil change. I should just plan on doing that all in the same day, but I swear, it always takes forever at the dealership. I might risk spending my entire day there and never doing any other errands. I’d rather shop for Em without him. That way, I can really look instead of rushing through.

I want to get Emerson’s pictures done again. He hasn’t had his pics taken since right before Easter. I’ll be smart about it this time and just select ONE pose to buy. I am still stuck with so many pictures from the package I purchased back in Easter. He’s grown so much since those pics were taken though, so I definitely want to get some cute fall ones done. They have a coupon now for $12.99 and you get a free 5x7 canvas. The coupon for that ends 08/30/0015, but they have coupons offered pretty much daily, so I’m not worried about it. I definitely want to have them done though. I haven’t even attempted my own photo shoot in a few months. He’s so wild. I don’t know if I could even get anything good. I should try something again first before I pay money to someone else. We did a cute Apple theme last September. It would be fun to do the same thing this year. I’m sure most of the shots would be action ones with him running. I’ll start there and try to get some good ones myself first. I’ll ask my sister to help me.

Alright, I have a lot of stuff to do today, so I better get on it. I hope you all have a great Wednesday!

Our camping trip

We survived our weekend at the cabin. It was really nice! There was a lot of stuff to do. They had a HUGE pool with a smaller kiddie pool, which was absolutely amazing. The pool was open daily from 830am-8pm,which was nice. They also had mini golf, and a lodge that served breakfast daily. On top of that, it was Halloween weekend! During the summer, the event coordinator holds different functions and holidays. We got lucky and picked Halloween weekend. The kids dressed up in costumes, trick-or-treated, did a hayride, and played games. It was really cute. On top of that, we were near Living Treasures animal park, so we headed there. Emerson got to feed so many animals. It was adorable. One of the goats hopped the fence and followed us around the entire time. It was pretty cool. We also visited Fort Ligonier, which ended up being really fun. I didn’t think I’d enjoy that too much, but I did.

I ate so much bad food this past weekend. My poor body hates me. It was nice taking a break though, but I’m back to the grind today. I grocery shopped this morning, then food prepped. Everything is ready for the week. I believe Em is getting in his molars right now, which explains his fussiness, and sickies this past week. The drool is out of this world.  I just hope they come in quick. I’m ready for some normalcy around here again. He was pretty good at the cabin though outside of a few tantrums. He slept both nights, which was a shocker. The first night, he cried around 3am, so I brought him to bed with me. The second night, I had a hard time getting him to bed, but when I did, he slept all night. He slept fine last night too at home, so I’m glad his routine wasn’t interrupted.

Kodie was fine all weekend. My friend, Tim, came over many times to let her out to pee. She was happy to have us home though. We missed her a lot. I went to the laundromat this morning too and did all of the laundry from the weekend, so we are good for the week. We got rid of the campfire smell from all of our towels and blankets too. I’m glad to be back home. I want our routine back. I found that I don’t really like going without my routine. It’s hard for me to just relax. Em is still a bit young for camp. There were a lot of things he could hurt himself on, so I hope next year is a little more laid back. We all had the constant fear that he’d get hurt.

Alright, I’m going to end this now. I hope you guys enjoy the pics I put at the end.

I'm allowed to be upset sometimes..

Where to even begin. I am just at a loss this week. Em has a pretty bad cold. Boogers, mucus, coughing, etc. He seems to still have the same illness from last week. We’ve been to the ped a couple of times already in the last week too. Co-pays, prescriptions, meds. It’s just insane. The doctor seems to think that he is fine though, has a viral infection, and it’ll work its way out. He did vomit twice during a coughing fit, so that obviously concerned me. Again though, I’m told that he just has a cold and it needs to work itself out. He also developed some kind of a crazy rash all over his face too. When I woke him up yesterday morning, there was some vomit on his pillow. The doctor seems to think the rash was caused from irritation from the vomit. Makes sense to me. We were given some Zofran in case he was experiencing any nausea, and a topical cream for his face. The rash cleared up a lot before he went to bed last night. I was finally able to break the fever before bedtime too.

This morning, he had a low grade fever, extreme boogers, but the rash has seem to reduce all the way down to just his chin. His chin doesn’t look great, but it looks like it’s healing up. I’ll take any progress at this point. No vomiting though, or hard coughing. That pesky fever is still hanging around though. Motrin seemed to kick it pretty quickly. I couldn’t go into work yesterday, so I logged in last night. I also couldn’t go in today, so I’m working from home with the boy. Not the easiest thing ever. He played in the yard for over an hour though, while I worked in the kitchen. He started to get extremely fussy, so I just put him down for a nap. When he wakes, it’s time for Tylenol. He’s eating and drinking just fine. He’s spending the afternoon with my mom, so I can work uninterrupted. I pray that tomorrow is normal and he can go to daycare. We’re going away this weekend too. I don’t want him to be sick.

This weekend, we’re going up to a cabin with my family. I’m pretty excited about it. My friend is going to come let Kodie in and out several times, so I won’t need to worry about that. We’re heading up late Friday afternoon, then coming back on Sunday morning. I’m crazy excited. I’m just worried it’ll turn into a nightmare because Em isn’t feeling 100%. We haven’t gone away all summer, or last summer for that matter. Say a prayer for us, guys. I just want everything to pan out, so that we can go and have a good time. I NEED this!

I don’t even know anymore. I swear, these past two weeks have been crazy. I just want normalcy back in our lives. I miss our schedule. It has been so interrupted lately. I just want health and wellness back in this house. I also hope I don’t catch this horrendous cold that he obviously has. The one thing that drives me so insane is that I’m all about health and wellness yet my kid keeps getting sick! Yes, I know. He is in daycare. This is just a normal part of having a kiddo. I. GET. IT. It doesn’t make it any easier though.

Being honest, these are the times when being a single mother sucks. I have no one to help me, or to take off work one day, so that I can still go to work. It is tough! It’s just hard as hell to not have someone going through this with me at times. I know a lot of people won’t understand because even if their kid is sick, they are still the one to care for the kiddo. I get it, but if something occurred, at least you’d have an option. That’s something I completely lack. Just having someone to talk to about this stuff would be nice. No one really CARES that much. I get the “Awe, poor em” but that’s about it. There is no IN HOME support. It drags me down so badly sometimes and just tears me apart. I try so hard to not dwell on this, but it is just extremely hard.

Okay, I’m going to go cry now.

Mommy's going away!

I saw my parents over the weekend. It was the first time in two weeks since my mom had her meltdown. Of course, she still has yet to apologize to me. It was quite strange being over there, especially because she started with her petty bs again. I just can’t take it. We are going away with them next weekend to a cabin. I really hope it doesn’t suck because of her attitude. My dad texted me last night to thank me for coming over, then telling me he is happy I changed my mind about going away with them. My sister and nephew are going too, so they’ll be there as a buffer. I just cannot take the attitude from my mom. I did nothing wrong AT ALL.  That chick is whack!

Okay, onto other things. I took Em to the docs on Friday. Everything was clear. Thank God. He did puke in his crib last night though, but I think he was just overly full from too much junk yesterday. He seemed fine this morning. I’m hoping that was just a fluke. I was pretty appalled when I woke him this morning and saw puke everywhere. He never even cried last night. I had to clean him up this morning before daycare. I drove in today just in case I end up getting a call to leave. I hope that doesn’t happen though. 

Yesterday, we went to the Waterfront with my sister to get frozen yogurt, then shopping. It was a gorgeous day. We had a nice time. We had a lot of yard play this weekend in Em’s pool and water table. It was so hot out. I definitely got some nice, which I desperately needed. Outside of that, we didn’t do much. We ran some errands on Saturday, but pretty much hung out at home. I’ll be preparing for the cabin this week. I need to get all of our stuff together and packed. I am so worried that Em won’t sleep when we’re there. I know I shouldn’t stress that much about it, but we have a pretty solid routine. I’m so afraid that he won’t follow it because we’ll be in a new place. I’m even more afraid that I’ll rock the boat so much, that he won’t sleep when we return home. I’m hoping he’s so burnt out from having a good time that he just conks out when I lay him down for bedtime. The place we’re going to looks really nice. I just want to make sure I bring everything that we need. My friend is going to watch my dog for me. I’m so glad. He’s going to stop over on Friday night, then three times on Saturday for me.  We’re coming home on Sunday morning, so Kodie should be fine.

It will be nice to get away and to try to relax…Well, as much as I can with my mother around. My sister and I are going to try to go for a run at some point too. She is really intrigued over trying to run now that I’m getting into it. I did 4 miles this morning in 24 minutes! Crazy! She really wants to try, but I think she’s afraid, so doing it with her would be nice. I think I’ll be able to push her outside of her comfort zone. She is doing amazing on the 21 day fix program. She looks so much slimmer! I’m so proud of her and I can tell she feels so much better about herself too. It’s so cool to see the transformation. I can’t wait to see where she is after her second round of the 21 day fix!!

Alright, guys. I have a ton to do today. Have a great week J

Mummy's daycare dilemma

So yesterday, while working, the daycare called me to let me know that Emerson had puked three times. I was actually in office and had no way to get to him before at least 415pm. They understood. They called me around 2 pm, so it wasn’t that bad. I emailed my boss to let her know that I probably wouldn’t be in today. Guess what? I worked today. I’m in office too. When I picked Em up, I was told “Sorry, it must have just been a fluke” He had no fever and he was up and running around in typical Emerson fashion. I asked if they fed him something different. They said “No” This is where things went left field. The director said she thinks maybe I missed some milk when I cleaned his cups and that maybe he ingested some sour milk. Oh, really? I think not. I just bought the cups the DAY before and he hadn’t even used them yet. I washed them out fresh from the package, so please. Do not try telling me that I didn’t wash his cups well enough. I was truly insulted too. I didn’t need an actual excuse as to why he puked. I mean, kids puke. Whatever, but to blame me for something so stupid? Keep it moving. That’s the shit that pisses me off at daycare. They are so quick to pass the buck on the parent.  Em and I headed home. He wolfed down a nutria-grain bar like he hadn’t eaten all day. We played in the yard for a while, had dinner, then played inside until it was bath and bedtime. He was fine the entire time. I’m glad. I didn’t want him to be sick. This morning, he was fine too. He does have a slight cough, but nothing else. I’m starting to feel like I’m getting a little bit of a cold myself. Hopefully it’s just a fluke. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

I ended up having to drive into town today though just in case Em did get sick again. I didn’t want to be stuck here waiting on the bus. It sucked driving in. I dread the drive home, but I’m trying to not think about it too much. Maybe it won’t suck that badly. The way that I go home has a major road closure. I had no idea, so I ended up having to go way out of my way this morning. It took me an hour just to drive in. I’m not trying to have the same thing happen when I go home. I guess we’ll see. I don’t feel like being stuck in tons of traffic either if I go home the normal way.

Someone just ordered a wreath off of me. Kind of random. I haven’t tried to sell any wreaths since last year around Christmas time. Maybe I should get back into that business. We’ll see what happens after I make and sell this one. It was nice just being randomly asked though.

Alright. I’m going to jump off of here now, so I can finish up before I head out. Happy Wednesday, All!

Oh and my mom is still not talking to me!!!!

Mummy's drama

I haven’t blogged in so long. I have so much to update on too. I’ll try to keep it short. This is going to be VERY random too, so bear with me.

Let’s start with the worst. I talked to my mom on the phone on Saturday morning. She was crying, and really upset. Her and my dad got into an argument over the electric bill, which lead to a screaming match. My dad apparently called my mom fat. I don’t condone this at all. I was very upset when my mom told me this, especially because of how I am now with being proud of your body, etc. Her and I ended our phone conversation. That was the last I heard from her that day. Well, until she completely went NUTS on me! My sister and I took the kids down to the point. It was nice just being down at the water and hanging out. Em was a little nutty though. I had to keep super close watch because he kept running full steam near the water. It was scary, therefore I did not have my phone in hand. It was tucked away in the stroller. Apparently, my mom called me. I had no idea. I would never purposely NOT answer the phone. She ended up calling my sister, who answered the phone in front of me. My mom was talking so much crap on me saying she is ALWAYS there for me when I call (lie, she never answers the phone), blah blah. Okay, psycho path. So, I just let it go. It’s absurd that she’d think I didn’t answer the phone on purpose. Apparently, she was leaving my dad and wanted to come stay at my house. My sister got off the phone, and we continued on our day. We let the kids run around the point for a while, and Emerson even got to see a fire truck when we were down there. (he loved it). All of a sudden, I start getting these horrific text messages from my mom. It was absolutely appalling. Anyway, we left the point and headed to take my nephew to his other aunt’s house (his dad’s sister). While we were driving, I saw my mom. We decided to follow her to see what the heck she was doing. She ended up at my aunt’s house. I rolled my window down and said “Um, mum. What are you doing?” She lashes out AGAIN. It was unreal. Yelling like that in front of the kids too. UNCOOL! I didn’t even respond. I just rolled up my window, and drove off.

After we dropped Isaiah off, I called my dad. I didn’t want him to hear any of the conversation. Em doesn’t understand yet, so I knew it was okay having him there. Dad told me that mum went nuts. She started drinking (my mom doesn’t even drink), then threw all of the food out of the freezer onto the floor. She apparently trashed the house. Dad said he left. He was afraid of what might happen if he stayed there, so he grabbed some stuff, and was heading to a job site. He said he just can’t take it anymore. He said that he shouldn’t have called her fat, but it was two days of pure torture, and he couldn’t take it anymore. I’m sure it was super embarrassing for him to have to answer to me. He said he didn’t want to involve any of us either, so he was super annoyed that my mom did. He was even more mad that she was mad at me! I offered for him to come stay at my house, but he declined. He said he’d go back home before he imposed on me and Em. Later that night, he texted letting me know that they were both back home.

I have no idea what is going on now. My mom hasn’t said a word to me, which is pretty typical. She is so crazy that she really thinks I rejected her phone calls on purpose, and is now so ticked off at me. I can’t take the level of crazy. I seriously cannot. I am not even bothering with her. She’s made such an embarrassment of herself.  She always pulls this shit on me too. Never on my sisters. She won’t talk trash to them about them either. She has no problem doing it to me though. I’m just sick of it. Emerson and I didn’t go over there yesterday for our weekly visit. This morning, I went to the laundromat instead of there to do our laundry too. Dad texted this morning to say I love you and to have a good day. He must feel bad that mum is shunning me still. I’m sure he’s sad we didn’t come visit this week, but I just can’t deal with it. I don’t have negativity in my life and it feels amazing. I don’t want problems with my family. It’s too damn much. She needs to get her shit together though. I don’t know what her problem is. She was doing so well, losing weight, and getting  healthy, then fell off the wagon. She was down 11lbs in three weeks. That was like 2 weeks ago. Ever since she fell off, she’s been super miserable. Well, get back on! I think that’s half of her problem. Then, dad calling her fat probably sent her over the edge.  It’s no excuse though. I can’t stand to be disrespected. That’s something I just don’t tolerate anymore. I don’t disrespect others, and no one disrespects me.

Okay, so now let’s move on. Remember when I said I was ready to date? Well, I don’t even know if I feel that way anymore. Let me go back to that story. There is a guy that I met about a year ago. He bought my friend’s mom’s house. They all loved him so much, so my friend thought it might be a good fit for me. Good job, healthy, active, non-drinker, etc. We started to talk a little bit, but it was just all the wrong time for me. I was still fumbling through breastfeeding, taking care of Em, the house, work, financial stuff, etc. I just wasn’t at a point where I even wanted to text someone. It was too much. Plus, this guy seemed a bit too serious for me. He was talking about meeting Em. Oh hell naw. It was just too much for me, so I stopped talking to him. I politely let him know why, and we remained facebook friends. Anyway, he is now in my support group that houses all of my BeachBody customers. He is an advid runner, and works out daily. He didn’t purchase anything under me yet, but he does use the programs, so I sent him a message asking if he’d like to switch to me as his coach to be included in our group. Of course, he said yes. He has great group participation, gives great feedback and advice, and is pretty good about posting. It’s helpful when you have people that do like participating. It keeps the group moving, which motivates people. Anyway, we started to talk via the group. Then, he set up a team for me for the color run, which I thought was nice. He didn’t seem nearly as creepy as I had remembered, so I thought maybe I was just super critical back then because I was tired, and had a lot on my plate. Now, I manage a lot better. I have some time logged under my belt, so I am in a routine. I decided, what the hell, I’ll ask him if he wants to go running with me. He does marathons, and I’m trying to break into that. It would be nice to have someone push me a little. I remember him being so overbearing before, but he wasn’t being overbearing now. He was being really normal, and cool about it. So, we went running on Friday. It was great. He was great to talk to, pushed me to run further than I ever have, and I thought he was cute. Awesome. Someone with the same interests as me that isn’t a creeper. 

He did start to text me A LOT right after we were done running, which sent up a red flag, but I still tried to be optimistic. The texts just had no rhyme, or reason. I was at work too, which was even more annoying. He would just text me with anything random. I don’t have a lot of extra time on my hands to talk to someone. When I do, I’d like for it to count. Do we really need to text all day with small talk? It was stupid shit too like “I might eat chicken for dinner” Okay? And I care because?? I know, it doesn’t seem like that BIG of a deal, but we barely know each other, and you know I’m a busy mom. Respect that, back off, and later on try to have a REAL conversation with me. I was busy at work, so I didn’t answer his texts. I looked at my phone a while later and saw a slew of them. Him asking me if I am busy,  then saying “Wow, you must be really busy today” Jeez, guy. Back the f up. I just went running with you two hours ago. CHILL.

So, that’s how it pretty much continued ALL weekend. It was so irritating. Randomness all the time, then he made a comment about hanging out with me and Em. Okay, guy. I see now why you are single and in your 30’s. I just can’t deal with that. I’ve been single for a few years now. It’s so nice to not have to deal with that kind of stuff. I just felt like I was confined to my phone, and having to answer these non-sensical text messages all damn day. No quality in conversation at all. Just irritating. So then, when I didn’t answer him, he started to comment and like everything on my facebook, and Instagram. Then, he texted me and said “I just liked 6000 of you Instagram pics” OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop it! This morning, he texted me and told me to message him anytime today. It doesn’t matter what time. Um, dude. Leave me alone now. I wrote back and said “You’re teetering into creeper territory” He wrote back “Sorry. I’ll shut up” Oy. I just can’t deal with someone that clingy. We go running one time, and he is acting like we are joined at the hip. I need someone who gets that I have other stuff to do. It’s cool if you want to text me to say “hey, what’s up”, but I don’t feel like sitting there texting someone all day. I already have to answer messages and comments for BeachBody all day. I don’t want to add more phone time to that. I just need someone to be confident and secure enough with themselves to know that if I’m not talking to you, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you anymore. It just means I am busy right now, and I will get at you later. I’ve been independent for so long too. I like it because I don’t have to answer to anyone. The problem is, I don’t think he’s just going to go away. I am going to have to TELL HIM what’s up. I hate being mean to people, but I just cannot take it anymore.

At least I know what I don’t want. I think that’s always been my battle, which is why I’ve dated a lot of crappy people in my life. The best part is I can be picky because dating isn’t a NEED for me. I don’t NEED anyone like I used to think I did. I can just enjoy it and choose who I want. If someone doesn’t fit, then that’s okay. They don’t have to fit. I just don’t like having to tell someone that I don’t like them. I mean, I feel bad, but maybe it’ll help him in the future. Don’t scare off girls by being so damn creepy.

Okay, outside of all of that, everything is good. I’m just working crazily on BeachBody on top of work, Em, and house stuff. It’s been a busy couple of weeks. I’m working out, and running more than ever. I just did 4 miles, which was amazing. I’m registered to do the color run on my sister’s birthday, which will be a blast. I can’t wait! I need to get my eating back on track. I haven’t eaten bad at all, but I haven’t really eaten enough, or enough of the right stuff. I’ve had one too many lean cuisine meals because we needed something quick. Those are not on my list as a regular item I’d like to consume, but if it comes down to that, or fastfood, I’ll take the lean cuisines. I’m grocery shopping after work today though, so that’ll take care of that. Food prep will be tonight, and I’ll work out on my lunch break today.

Alright. This is so long. “I’ll shut up now” Sorry, I couldn’t resist!

If you steal my sunshine

This weekend was just insane. So many ups, but just as many downs. I don’t even know where the hell to begin either. Friday was pretty typical. I worked in town. When I left to wait for the bus, it was 22 minutes late. It’s starting to become absolutely ridiculous. I was annoyed, but there was not much I could do. I picked Em up, and we ventured home.  Saturday, we played in the yard for most of the day. We did run some errands, but headed back home for more yard play. Emerson had an impromptu play date that evening, which ended up being a lot of fun. After he went to bed, I rented “Gone Girl”. Again, nothing too exciting.

Sunday, sh*t really hit the fan. I posted a funny meme on Facebook about the 21 day fix. It was more of an inside joke for those using it because we are allotted tons of food, which everyone always complains about. A girl I am friend’s with commented accusing me of taking jabs at other fitness and nutrition plans. I explained that I was not putting down any other fitness plan. I explained the joke to her, and even commended her on doing an amazing job working out and eating right. I crushed this girl with so much kindness. Even still, she continued to come at me. She was definitely looking for a fight. Now that I am representing a brand, I held back. If I wasn’t, I would have torn her ass to shreds. It was hard holding back, but I did. She ended up telling me to eff off, then blocking me. An hour later, I get a text from my sister with a screen shot of the nastiest status she posted about me. It was horrific. She said that I am a skeletal she-man who is disgusting and starves herself. Should I care what she says about me? Not at all. Really, I shouldn’t. I do not mess around with body shaming though. I’ve worked incredibly hard to get to where I am. It’s just not my scene. Obviously, I am going to promote BeachBody because I am representing that company. I have never put down another fitness program. I would never post and say “You suck/your program sucks” That just isn’t my style. I don’t even appreciate being accused of that because it’s just not true. If you look back through ALL of my posts, you will find NOTHING of the sort.  The problem is this girl is a bit narcissistic. Anytime someone posts, she reads it with herself in mind. It’s so delusional and sick. Not everything is about you.

It’s called marketing and business. If I worked at Nike, I certainly wouldn’t be promoting Adidas. Yeah, I like Adidas, but I’m not going to post wearing that brand. I won’t hate on it either though. I will point out the highlights of my brand, emphasis those characteristics, and ask people if they want to use it. There is nothing wrong with that. I would never say “Adidas, you suck so hard. Use Nike, it’s better”. I’d have to be a complete idiot to do that, which I’m not.

She works out at the gym, drinks protein shakes, and eats healthy. That is great. I am glad that she is able to do that. As a single mom, I don’t have the luxury to go to the gym and work out. I used to and I loved it. I can’t do that now, so working out at home with DVDs is just the way to go. I can workout when my son goes to sleep, I don’t have to pay a monthly membership, and I don’t have to get a babysitter. It works FOR ME. There is nothing wrong with sharing that with others. If there is a mom who wants to get fit and healthy, but is in the same situation as me, why shouldn’t she be asked if she wants to give the program a shot?

Let’s talk about shakes. She did post before demeaning Shakeology because of the price. She posted an alternative shake that she uses, which is fine. We all know Shakeology isn’t the ONLY shake available on the market. It just happens to be my shake of choice. To each their own. I don’t care that she is using something else. She is using what she likes and what fits into her budget, and nutrition plan. I am doing the same. I stated product facts and she accused me of saying that mine was better than hers. I said nothing of the sort, and I certainly didn’t imply it. I said that Shakeology is a meal replacement (it is), and that it is packed with so many nutrients, which is why it isn’t dirt cheap. Again, use whatever you want to use. I am representing BeachBody, therefore I represent Shakeology. I am going to promote what I am using on my page. I wouldn’t promote something that I’ve never even used. I know what benefits Shakeology gives me. I have every right to share that with others.  I can’t say what I use is better than what someone else uses if I’ve never tried it though.

It just went on and on. It was so ridiculous. I said nothing rude. She read things with a negative connotation, so that she could interpret them in a mean way. I’ve learned that you can’t save everyone. Some people are just miserable, and going through their own things. They try to steal your happiness, and invoke their negativity on you. That’s what happened yesterday. I was a victim of someone trying to steal my joy. I don’t need that. I didn’t need the body shaming either. The truth is, I feel extremely confident and happy in my own skin. For the first time in my life, I feel okay. I’m happy and I don’t want someone taking any of that away from me. This business is extremely humbling. I’ve put myself out there, which is  scary. I’ve opened myself up to personal attacks and bullying. Knowing that doesn’t make it any easier though. I’ve found that I just need to toughen up, and not let these people break me down, or derail me.