Mummy is venting just a smidge! (sorry guys!)

Yay! My ottoman was delivered, so I can pick it up from the store tonight. The curtain, couch, and picture frames are all in transit. Hopefully I get those soon! I’m so excited to pick up the ottoman though! I’m not sure if I’ll set it out yet. It’ll bother me to have the living room not match until I get everything else. We haven’t even used the living room lately, so I guess it doesn’t really matter. We’ve been playing in the dining/play room a lot. It’s just easier with how mobile Emerson is. He gets hurt so much though! It’s ridiculous. I know it’s bound to happen, but it’s insane how it still happens when I’m sitting right there. I can’t wait for him to be stable and steady. I feel like I’m always spotting him to avoid an injury.

Speaking of Emerson, he turned 8 months old yesterday! Thinking that I was pregnant a year ago is mind boggling! Things were so different last year. Emerson’s father had just broken up with me and I was going through a very tough time. Luckily, all of that has been put behind me and I can truly say I am VERY happy. I’m glad things happened the way they did last year. I was telling my sister how miserable I’d be right now had we stayed together. I’d definitely feel trapped too if we had moved in together. Maybe he sensed this too. I’m glad he did both of us a favor!

I was thinking of all of the things Emerson has learned in his short 8 month life span. He can self-feed, crawl, pull himself up onto just about anything, wave and say bye bye, say mum mum, and bad bad, which he repeats often to Kodie! He has four teeth (2 top and 2 bottom). So much growth in such a short amount of time. Thinking of what the next 8 months will bring is fun, but a bit scary. Walking, talking, sippy cups, and less nursing. (that one makes me most sad).He is such an adorable little boy though. I love him so much!

Funny story. I have an ex-boyfriend who randomly texts me every month, or so. We always end up having the same conversation. It’s never different, which is sort of annoying, but funny too. He’s not a bad guy at all. We dated October 2009-July 2010, so not terribly long. We had a good time together, but he wasn’t really into commitments. To be honest, I still think he’s a bit of a commitment-phobe. Anyway, every conversation always leads back to him asking me if I have good memories of him and asking for reassurance that he wasn’t such a terrible boyfriend. It’s silly. I’m not sure why he needs so much validation from me. What does my opinion really matter at this point anyway? I think I might have been one of his only serious girlfriends though, so maybe that’s why. I always say “I don’t have any ill feelings towards you” It’s true though. I don’t. We did go to dinner a couple of years ago right around the time I met Emerson’s dad. Sparks didn’t really fly though. It was just a normal dinner. He hung out for a bit at my apartment beforehand, but that was really it. We didn’t make plans to get together after that. I’m not sure what he really wants, but he always drives in that he’s a different person, “new and improved”. He always asks about my love life too, which I always say is non-existent. Maybe this is his roundabout way of circling back to see if there might still be something there. In any event, I’m not interested in dating. Priorities people!

To piggyback on dating: A friend of mine texted me the other day and laid it all out on the line. He really opened up and told me how he felt about me. It was a bit awkward because I’m in no position right now to reciprocate. I’m so preoccupied with the baby, my house, work, my dog, and trying to juggle everything. My life is a beautiful organized chaotic mess (if that makes sense). I just don’t have time to add in another element like dating. I don’t want to either. He told me that I shouldn’t let one guy (Emerson’s dad) ruin dating and relationships for me for the rest of my life. I laughed. This has NOTHING to do with my past at all. It’s all about priorities! I don’t understand why no one understands this. I work all week and only see Emerson for a small period of time Monday-Friday. We get to spend every evening together between 5pm-8pm, then it’s bedtime. During that period, it’s mostly business. Dinner, bath, sterilizing bottles, etc, etc. We have a small window of playtime. Why would I want to compromise any of that time for another person who I may, or may not even like? Weekends are MY time with Emerson. I wouldn’t trade that in for any person right now. As time progresses and Emerson grows, I’m sure I’ll have more time and I’ll be able to fit that into my life, but right now, I don’t want to. It has absolutely nothing to do with being a bitter/scorned person either. I just want to spend time with my son. I can’t stand when people try to push themselves on me. This makes anyone become less attractive. When I am ready, I’ll venture out. I’m just not ready yet.

My friend didn’t seem to understand initially and told me that it’s just for a few hours. Just a dinner and he wouldn’t try to make any moves on me. He stressed that I need to do things for myself at times too. Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do things for myself. I work from home two days a week, which means I usually have a 4 hour period during the week (3-5pm x 2 days) to do what I want to do. Yes, this usually includes grocery shopping, putting away laundry, and cleaning, but those are for me. It’s the way that I like to unwind. I think and brainstorm, preplan for the week, and I actually leisurely do my housework instead of feeling so rushed. It might not be a steak dinner, or a bottle of wine, but it’s what I like. Additionally, I’m on the bus for a total of 6 hours a week. That’s A LOT of time. During this time, I pinterest, read books, listen to music, and NAP! Again, all MY time and what I enjoy. It doesn’t matter how you spend your time, or what you do. As long as it’s solely for you and what you enjoy, then that’s all that matters. I don’t need to go out for dinner and drinks to treat myself, or to relax. I do that in other ways.

It just bothers me that I find myself having this conversation frequently. No one can tell you what to do to relax. It’s your personal preference. “Those don’t count” Yes, yes they do count. They count to me and that’s all that really matters. It wouldn’t bug me so much if I didn’t find myself having this same conversation several times a week either. I think my friend is a really sweet person, but I just am not interested in dating, nor am I interested in going out to dinner, or doing anything that doesn’t directly involve my son during my spare time. On the flip side, I do not want to bring Emerson around anyone either. Lots of people invite me out all of the time. They tell me to bring Emerson. No. That’s not right. I don’t believe in exposing your children to different men again and again until you finally get it right. You expose them after you’re sure about the person, not beforehand. The craziest is these people think I am nuts for thinking this way instead of commending me for being a good mom and putting my son first. Red flag as to why I wouldn’t want to date people like that!

Last night, I put up a compare photo of myself from 8 days post-partum through now. I sort of regret doing that now. Some comments weren’t very nice. I know my friends weren’t trying to be mean, but hearing “I like the second picture better” or “You look hungry now” kind of hurt my feelings. I wasn’t asking what step in the process looked best. I was just simply showing a timeline of my post-partum weight loss journey from then until now. I’m not sure what outcome I expected when I posted the pictures, but I definitely wasn’t prepared for some of the comments I received. It was almost as bad as being told “you’re fat” Sometimes being too skinny isn’t necessarily a good thing either. I learned that yesterday. I don’t think I’ll be posting anything like that anytime soon. My friend told me last week that I look “like an Aid’s patient” Hey, thanks! Alright, that’s about all I have for now. Back to the grind. Happy Tuesday, All!

Mummy's additional thoughts

Maybe I just need to accept that this is the way things are. Some people just do not fit the typical cookie cutter grandmother like I think they should. My mom’s mom was never very grandmotherly with us. She did babysit for my parents here and there, but she was never the one to send birthday cards, or get us Christmas presents. She’d come visit on occasion, but she wasn’t your typical cookie cutter grandmother. My dad’s mom was. She remembered all of our birthdays. She was very sweet. Both were amazing ladies in their own right and my sisters and I loved both dearly though. Both have now passed, which saddens me because I don’t have any grandparents now. I think that’s why I am so bothered by my mom letting the opportunity slip past her. It bothers me that she doesn’t ask to do fun things with the baby. I don’t even mean alone either. I mean with me. She never suggests us taking him anywhere. She could have come to the animal farm with us on Friday. She wanted us out of the house. I felt very rushed. She kept saying “It’s a gorgeous day. Go. Go out. Heck, you can even take my car, but you should really get out” Then, she went on to stress that she just wanted to sit at her computer and play her computer game. I know she just wanted us to leave her house. It saddens and sickens me. She is letting her entire life just pass her by.

On the flipside, she will complain that she’s bored and never gets to do anything. My sister and I are always doing something. She is always welcomed to tag along with us, or even suggest things to do with us and the kids. It’s like she has a huge lack of motivation. The idea sounds great in her head, but she has no execution to follow through to make them happen. She’s constantly making false promises to my nephew too. “We’ll have a grandma/Isaiah day”, which never happens. In her mind, she thinks they do all the time, but they don’t. I can’t recall the last time my mom did anything with my nephew outside of the house. The last time she saw Emerson outside of her house was on his half birthday party, which was almost 3 months ago.

A friend suggested that maybe she’s depressed, or something. I don’t think that’s the case. I think its laziness. My dad does pretty much everything for her too, so she doesn’t even have to do daily things for herself. He even puts gas in her car for her. It’s ridiculous. I love my dad to death, but I think he coddled and spoiled her too much and this is the result of years of that. The sad thing is she thinks she’s so entitled to that from all of us because he treats her that way. She told me before that if my dad passed I’d have to take care of her. Just so everyone knows, my mother is ONLY 50 years old. She is plenty capable of taking care of herself. She is just too lazy to do it.

My mom is a really intelligent and funny lady too. When she gets going, she can make you laugh with the things she comes up with. She is clever and witty. I love that about her. She has great ideas, is crafty, and a great friend when you need someone to talk to. She can be very empathetic, sympathetic, and caring. I wish she was that way ALL of the time though. It doesn’t always come out. Most of the time, she puts herself first, so all of those wonderful characteristics are put on the back burner. Here is an example. I recently blogged about my aunt being very sick and potentially not making it. My mom went into triage mode. She was there for her and for her sister’s kids. Everyone loves my mom and loves when she comes to the rescue. My aunt pulled through and is okay now. My mother has not visited her or even talked to her at all. See what I mean? It counts when someone is there for you when things are good, not just when they are bad. She won’t bother with my aunt again until she’s near her death bed. Then, she’ll make a smart remark like this “Well, she hasn’t called me, so I haven’t talked to her” I hate that. She is very capable of picking up a telephone. She puts it on the other person, then when they do finally call, she won’t answer. Instead, she’ll say this “Well, it took her forever to call me, so now I’m not answering because I wasn’t important enough to call sooner” Hello! You didn’t call either!

Let’s not forget that she isn’t speaking to 3 of her sisters and the other one is dying too, yet she gets on myself and my sisters for the way our relationship is. At least the three of us are civil when we are in the same room and we do put forth enough effort to communicate with each other. She doesn’t speak to her sisters AT ALL, yet that’s acceptable. I can’t stand it. Do not judge me and tell me what to do when what you’re doing is way worse. I know that things will never change and they’ll forever be this way. It just kills me that she gives herself the mother and grandmother of the year award when she hasn’t earned either. I visit my parents every Saturday and Sunday, plus I make sure I text my mom at least daily. If not daily, then every other day. She never calls, or texts me, but the second I slack off, I am being called out. I get that you raised me, but at what point are we even and I’m done owing you? At what point can you extend an invitation to really bond with your grandson without my supervision? At what point will you take the opportunity to drop by our house just to say hi?

That is another issue. I got hell for moving so far away before. I moved back and she still doesn’t come to visit, so what the hell was the point? I have such a long commute to work. It makes no sense. I move back to the area thinking maybe she’ll put forth the effort, but she never does anyway. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. The sad thing is I will continue to try. I will continue to forge a relationship because I love my mom and I know that’s the right thing to do. This will just further enable her behavior though. I can’t even talk to her about the way I feel because she is the type of person that will burst out in hysterics, make you feel guilty for those feelings, and turn the tables around on you. It isn’t worth all of the drama. Trust me, I’ve tried a few times.

I still go back to the day I gave birth. I was exhausted and starving after having the baby. She was too. I guess watching someone give birth is equally as exhausting. She was so rude to me. She held the baby for a second, then threw a fit that she wanted to just leave, so that she could go home to sleep and eat. Okay?? She made me feel like shit. Before I even was in the hospital, she made it clear that she wouldn’t be staying with me and that my sister would be a better choice. My mom had vacation days to use too, but instead, blew them to sit at home for two weeks without lifting a finger to help me with the baby. My sister was written up for having to call off work last minute to stay in the hospital with me. How messed up with that?! If you explain this to my mother though, she’ll say you’re wrong and that isn’t what happened. Trust me, that’s exactly what happened and it made my sister and I both really upset. Who behaves that way when their daughter is having a baby? Not a normal person that’s for sure.

I guess I am just at a crossroads. My older sister is completely isolated from our family. She barely bothers with us at all. I’ve asked her at least 7 times over the course of the last month to get together with me, so that she can see the baby. She constantly tells me that she is busy with her friends. She prioritizes her life differently now. Her friends are her family and are more important to her. You get to choose your friends. You don’t choose your family. Maybe she just feels as though this is easier for her. Maybe she was tired of the way things were and she has the right idea???? It’s harder for me to pull back like that though. I love my family so much even though they piss me off at times. I really do value them, which is why I try so hard. I grew up with such a big family. I want Emerson to feel that kind of closeness too, but at this point, I’m not sure the effort is even worth it. It stresses me out and just brings me down. Perhaps I should take my sister’s approach and start to replace family time with close friends that are like family. I want to be around people who are actually engaged in the moment and happy to spend time with us…..

Mummy is so pissed off!

Well, I guess I’ll start by recapping the weekend….

Friday, I had a half day. Afterwards, the baby and I went to a little animal farm and the park. It was such a gorgeous day. I used my mom’s car because I just don’t trust my car driving far distances. We had a lot of fun. It was nice to get out and do something together. We won’t have too many of these nice days left either. We didn’t do much on Friday night. We just went home and hung out. My mom told me on Friday that I could use her car after she was done working to take Emerson to a fall festival that was about 45 minutes away. We were meeting my best friend out there. On Saturday morning, we got completely ready. My mom was supposed to only work until 10am. I tried calling her, but her cell phone was dead. Shocker there. She takes no responsibility for charging her cell phone. She relies on my dad to do it for her. Even when he does, she leaves it at home ALL of the time. It’s really annoying. My best friend asked me around 11am when we’d be ready to go. I told her my mom wasn’t home yet, but that I’d just take my car. (we couldn’t go with her because she was driving her sister and niece too). I realized at that moment that the stroller was still in my mom’s car! Ugh! There was no way I’d be able to carry Emerson for hours, plus the diaper bag. He’s just too heavy. I needed the stroller. I called my dad to ask if my mom was home yet because her phone was dead. He told me she wasn’t. Emerson and I finished getting ready. I was still holding out hope that she’d be home before everyone left. I called my best friend and told her I’d drive over to my parent’s house and maybe by that point she’d be home and I could just grab my stroller. At this point, I was pretty pissed off at my mom. She was working at another store to help out that was pretty far away, so I couldn’t just drive to her work to grab the stroller. I found it very rude that she was so late and didn’t even try to call to tell me. Even if I had an estimated time that she’d get home, I could at least let my friends know how long it would be. I didn’t want to drive up without following them in case something happened with my car.

I waited at my parent’s house for about 45 minutes. The festival only lasted until 4pm. It was already about 12:30pm and would take about 40 minutes to drive up, so my best friend didn’t want to wait any longer. I completely understood and told them to leave without me. As I was leaving my parent’s house, my dad pulled up and asked where I was going. I told him I was just going home because everyone had already left for the festival and I couldn’t go because I didn’t have my stroller. I left my mom a note before I left their house because her cell phone was dead and I knew she’d be in no rush to charge it when she got home. Around 1:10pm, I got a message from her saying that she just got home and my dad didn’t charge her phone and he took the one that was in her car. I don’t care. Stop being so irresponsible. If I don’t text my mom she flips the FUCK out, yet she can leave the house and not text me to tell me she’d be 3 hours late. Thanks a lot! It is completely ridiculous and I am so sick and tired of her being this flakey and inconsiderate. She takes no responsibility at all. Don’t tell me I can use your car, so I leave my stroller in it, so we are all ready to go the next day, but then come home three hours late and not at least give me a phone call or a text message. It’s bullshit. I don’t want to hear that her cellphone is dead either. Stop doing that. She will literally say to me “My phone is dead and I don’t feel like getting up to charge it” The charger will be 3ft from her. It’s just sheer laziness and I’m tired of it. She’s the type of person that will say “You didn’t text me all week” Really?!!!!!!!!!!!! The phone works both ways, dude! It really fires me up. I just can’t take it anymore!!

After all of that happened, Emerson and I went home for a while. My sister came home from work, came over, and all three of us went down to the waterfront. She had to drop her ring of to be resized. We met up with my best friend, her sister, son, and niece. It was fun. We went to the Halloween store to look around, got frozen yogurt, picked up sushi for dinner, then went home to build a bon fire in the back yard. It took my sister and I two hours to build our fire, but it was amazing once we got it going. I had to go to the store to cheat and buy lighter fluid! Haha Anyway, I was glad our Saturday was salvaged and we still had nice evening plans. On Sunday, we took the baby to breakfast, then came back to my house to hang out for a bit. My mom had the nerve to text my sister to say “Wow, you could have texted me to tell me you were sleeping at Ashley’s last night” REALLY?! REALLY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW THE FUCK DOES IT FEEL?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pot calling the damn kettle black!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don’t ask for shit that you don’t do yourself. Sorry! I need to just end this right now. I am so sick and tired of this shit though. Emerson and I did NOT go to my parent’s house yesterday at all. Instead, we stayed home and played. Guess where my mom’s cell phone is today? SITTING ON HER DININGROOM TABLE…Yep, Mrs. Irresponsible left her phone here AGAIN. SHOCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SHOULD HIDE IT TO TEACH HER A FUCKING LESSON!

Mummy bought a couch!

It happened…I bought my couch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so petrified ordering it yesterday, but I ran the numbers so many times and I am fine. I tried talking myself out of it before committing to the purchase too, but in the end, I do need a new couch and I’ve had this budgeted out for 6 months! I found such a great deal that I was able to add on a few extra items. I ended up ordering new living room curtains and a new ottoman to replace my coffee table. It’ll be much safer for Emerson. I plan on updating my entire living room to gray with aqua accents. I have so much aqua now that it just seems smart to use it instead of having to buy new décor. I’m changing my diningroom to just be yellow chevron. In addition, I’m swapping bookcases. The white one will be in the living room and the short, brown one will now be in the diningroom. I can’t wait until it’s all put together! I plan on doing a quirky collage on my diningroom wall using a mix of plates, art made by me and baby, some pictures, and monogrammed items. I have to check out the thrift store to see what I can get first, but I have a vision in my head. We all know how dangerous that can be! I also finally got around to hanging the patio door curtain in the playroom. My carpet has yet to go in though! My dad is on day 30 in a row of working, so I’m not even asking until things slow down a bit. I want it done though, so I can stop using my diningroom as a playroom! I hope I can warm up the playroom a bit. It still feels like a basement to me. I plan on hanging some extra fabric up to enclose it off better. Once the furniture is down there it should make it feel a bit cozier. I don’t want it to feel like we’re playing in a basement though!

Emerson slept so well yesterday! I’ve been trying out a new schedule with him. So far, it seems to be working out better. He’s been napping right after daycare, so that helps. After he wakes, we play a bit and then do dinner earlier in the evening. Before, I was nursing, then doing dinner, then nursing at bedtime. Now, I don’t nurse before dinner. It’s just dinner, play, bath, then nursed to bed. He usually gets a bottle around 4pm at daycare. We are now eating dinner around 6:30pm, so it didn’t make sense to nurse beforehand. The good part is I am still pumping during that feeding, so my body thinks we need that milk. This is what yesterday looked like, which I thought was PERFECT:

4:55pm: Mommy picked Emerson up from daycare
5:00pm-5:45pm: Emerson napped, while mommy washed/sterilized bottles, cleaned, and started dinner
5:45pm-6:30pm: Emerson and Mommy played
6:30pm-7:05pm: Mommy and Emerson ate dinner (Emerson is getting really good at feeding himself)
7:05pm-7:30pm: Mommy cleaned up after dinner and packed lunch, while Emerson played.
7:30pm-7:55pm: Mommy and Emerson played some more
7:55pm-8:10pm: Bath Time!
8:10pm-8:20pm: Jammie Time
8:20pm-8:45pm: Emerson played in his crib, while mommy picked out clothes for the next day
8:45pm-9:00pm: Emerson nursed to sleep
9:00pm-2:30am: Emerson slept
2:30am-2:40am Emerson nursed
2:40am-5:50am: Emerson Slept
5:50am-6:00am: Mommy got Emerson dressed
6:00am: Dropped Emerson off at Daycare

Not too shabby! About 9 hours of sleep with only a ten minute interruption for a quick nursing session! I watched some of the new ABC fall shows, so I stayed up until about 10 pm. It was hard to get back to sleep when I got up around 230, but I am okay. I woke up on time and even got in a quick pumping session this morning. I’ll call that a success! Greys is on tonight and I am REALLY ticked off. They switched from 9pm to 8pm. I doubt I’ll get to watch it. I can watch as I nurse Emerson to sleep, but that typically doesn’t happen until after 8pm. I’ll probably just wait and watch it on demand one day.

Alright, that’s all I have for now. I have a lot of stuff to do today, so I better get a move on it! Have a great Thursday, All!

Mummy can't sleep

After work yesterday, I did all of the grocery shopping. I ended up spending $1 over budget, which isn’t too bad. I was able to fold and put away all the laundry, plus put all of the groceries put away, clean, take care of the dog, eat, and pump before I picked Emerson up from daycare. I’d call that a successful Monday!

Emerson was pretty cranky after daycare yesterday. He only napped for 30 minutes the entire day. He ended up snoozing between 5 and 530. I thought after he woke up he’d be ready to play, eat dinner, have a bath, and then go to bed. Things didn’t exactly work out that way. After he woke around 530, I put him in his play area to play with toys for a bit. I even hopped in with him. He was whiney and crying from being so, so tired. I ended up rocking him a bit and he snoozed right back out around 6pm. I laid him on the couch and cooked dinner. Around 7:45, he woke up, but went right back to sleep, so I carried him up to bed where he stayed for the night. He was up quite a few times to eat, which I figured would happen because he had no real dinner, which meant he’d be hungrier sooner and more often. I ended up waking around 1am and laying there until almost 4am. I have no idea what was up with that. I woke up STARVING. I didn’t get up to eat anything though. I just laid there watching television. I was probably so hungry from nursing throughout the night. Anyway, I ended up sleeping in a bit today. I jumped on the 630am bus, which is 10 minutes later than usual, but I still made it to work on time. I’m actually not too tired today in spite of the interruption during sleep last night.

I’m so frustrated with pumping lately. I have no idea what is up. Last week, I was pumping more than I needed. This week, I’m not pumping enough. I had to thaw 2oz from stock this morning because I was short. I only pumped once today and I still need another 12oz for daycare tomorrow. Let’s hope I can get that over the course of the next three pumps. I’m going to drink some green tea and water and hope that helps. Let’s just hope it improves. It’s driving me insane.

This weekend, the baby and I were invited to fall fest at Hartwood Acres with my best friend and her son. It sounds like such a good time. The weather is supposed to be beautiful too. As long as my bestie is still up for it, we are definitely going with them. Aside from that, we don’t have much planned. I want to take a half day on Friday. If so, then I’ll keep Emerson home from daycare and we can head to the park. The weather is supposed to be nice on Friday too!

Alright, that’s about all I have to offer today. I hope everyone has a speedy Tuesday!

Mummy's mum is at it again....

Yesterday, my mom and I got into an argument. Well, not even an argument. Not much was really said. That’s sort of the way our arguments go. I feel a certain way, but I can’t express it because she takes everything so offensively. On the flip side, she doesn’t tell you how she feels. Instead, she is short with you, gives you dirty looks, or just doesn’t say anything at all. It’s really annoying.

I took the baby over to my parent’s house yesterday because the previous day they asked if I was bringing him over. To me, that signified that they wanted to spend time with him. They never come to our house, which would make things a lot easier. They have no toys at their house, it isn’t baby proofed, and they have nothing that we can put the baby in to contain him to play. Their house is small, so there isn’t a lot of room for the baby to move and play without trying to climb on chairs, touch the stove, etc. It’s a lot more work for me. Anyway, when we got there, my mom was playing a game on her computer. She barely looked up when we walk through the door. Now, we all know I’ve griped about this before, so it’s nothing new. The baby was due for some medicine, so I asked her to hold him, so that I could get it out and give it to him. After about 3 minutes, she asked my sister if she wanted to hold the baby. My mom went back to playing her game on her computer and that was it. She never acknowledged the baby again, held him, played with him, nothing. My sister held the baby for about 5 minutes and then handed him back when he got fussy. At this point, I’m asking myself why I even put the poor kid into his car seat and dragged him over to their house when we could have stayed home and played with his toys.

While we were there, my mom was just acting so crabby! It was annoying. She was mad at my dad for making pulled pork because the pork didn’t get soft enough to fall off into pieces, so she’d have to cut it. She threw a fit and said dinner was ruined. Really? Be happy that someone even makes your ass dinner. She was so crappy after that, then it just went downhill after. I decided to leave because it was pointless being over there. I was just standing there holding the baby. Literally, STANDING and holding the baby. I put him in his car seat and he freaked out. My mom goes “He doesn’t want to be in the car seat” Well no shit! How else would she like me to transport him back to my house? I made a comment that maybe if they’d come visit I wouldn’t have to bring him back and forth when we all know he hates his seat. She starts talking to him and I snapped at her and told her to not talk to him when he’s in his seat and ready to leave. Talk to and play with him when he’s out of the seat and sitting here waiting for you to interact with him. It’s just ridiculous!

She isn’t talking to me now, but I honestly do not care. I am so sick of being expected to come to their house every weekend when they never return the favor. We only live 8 minutes (if that) apart from each other. If they want me to come over so much, then they are going to have to invest in some baby items and some baby proofing too. More importantly, actually interact with your grandson. They want me to play with him and hold him while they just shout out “hey buddy!” from across the room. No! That is not good enough. I just don’t get it.

I think I need to lower my expectations. It’s just exhausting and I don’t know why I put them before me. I shouldn’t have to maintain anyone’s relationship with Emerson. The responsibility should lie with them, not me. If you honestly can’t spend an hour with your grandson without your computer, or handing him back to me after 2 minutes, then something is wrong. It’s just sickening to me. I don’t get it. I understand he’s a lot of work and on the go, but so what. These are the times they’ll wish they had back when he’s older. I need a break from the family this week. It honestly depresses me and I don’t have time for that. I can’t tell you the last time my mom has even seen the baby outside of their house. She never goes anywhere with us, or even asks to take him anywhere. Nothing will change until I realize and accept the way things are though.

Mummy feels sick!

I am exhausted. I don’t want to complain, or dwell on it too much, but I really am. The baby is teething so badly. He’s been such a bear to get to sleep every night. On top of that, I have a head cold, which doesn’t make things any easier. I just keep telling myself that this too shall pass and we will be back to a normal routine. Last night was crazy. He was exhausted, so around 7pm he fell asleep for a small nap. It didn’t last longer than about 40 minutes. After he woke, I let him play awhile, gave him dinner, bath, then headed for bed. Well, that didn’t go over too well. He was wide awake, laughing, and playing, so I ended up just bringing us back downstairs. Why fight it and frustrate both of us? I figured I’d let him work out his extra energy and then I’d try to get him down again. It was only 9pm anyway. I wasn’t feeling well and pretty tired, but trying to make Emerson go to sleep when he’s wide awake seems like more effort than letting him wear himself out. The second we got downstairs, he started FREAKING out. He puked all over the floor, so I put him in his exersaucer, while I cleaned it up. Omg, you’d think I sat him outside alone with the way he was crying. After I was done cleaning up, we headed back up to bed. He was rubbing his eyes and whining. He still wasn’t having it, so I had to rock him for a really long time to get him to go to sleep. He was up quite a few times throughout the night too. I just hope this phase passes quickly. He’s also had a cold too, so I’m sure that’s not making things any better either.

I was so exhausted and not feeling well all weekend that we pretty much did nothing at all. We visited my parents for my sister’s birthday, but that was about it. I rearranged the house, which I posted about last night to accommodate a play area for the baby. He is on the go! It’s absolutely insane. I had to designate an area for him to be able to play safely because he’s constantly trying to climb on tables, grab random things down, etc. It is a lot more work than when he was a baby. I always thought people were making that up. I was wrong. It’s so much harder now that he can crawl around. Even in the play area that I set up he still falls down and seems to have accidents even with me right there. I guess that’s inevitable though. I try to prevent it as much as possible though. It wears me out so much, but I’m sure we will both get used to it soon enough.

Anyway, I took Friday off of work, which was nice. I was so exhausted, so sleeping in until 7:40am was nice. The baby and I ran errands and then went over to my parent’s house for my sister’s birthday dinner. My mom and dad are both sick, so I’m sure that’s where I picked this head cold up at. We had a nice time though. We ate dinner, sang happy birthday, and did gifts. Emerson and I hung out awhile, then headed home around 8:30pm. Saturday, I woke up feeling like absolute death. I ended up going over to my parent’s house to grab some medicine from them, but we did nothing all day. Emerson wasn’t feeling great either. It was just one of those weekends. I hope next weekend is a lot healthier for us!

This week, we don’t have much going on. I have to grocery shop. I have no food at home. It’s crazy. I ate a can of pears for dinner last night. I just didn’t feel good enough to grocery shop this weekend, so I waited. I won’t wait again. The baby has plenty of baby food though, so that’s all I cared about. I have my list ready for later today though. It’ll be nice to have food in my house again! Alright, that’s about all I have for now. Time to take some more medicine! Have a good week, all!

mummy rearranged

I rearranged to give myself an area to set up a play room until the playroom in the basement is ready. I LOVE IT!! The baby seems to like it too. It's also safer than letting him crawl all over the place. It's nuts how much more work it is now that he's mobile. It's exhausting. I'm sure I'll adjust. It's only been 9 days lol hopefully this makes it easier.

Mummy has the heebie jeebies

Where the hell to begin?? I guess I’ll start with the most disgusting part: BED BUGS. When I picked Emerson up from daycare yesterday, we all were handed a memo alerting us that a child at the center had what looked like bed bug bites. Naturally, I freaked out. I asked the teachers how concerned I should be. I was told the child who had the bites was not in the baby room at all, so I should be less worried, but precautious. Don’t send too many extra clothing and to check Emerson’s clothes and things that I am passing back and forth between the daycare. You know me, I take this completely to another level. I left the diaper bag ON THE PORCH all night. On top of that, the second he and I walked into the house, I stripped all of our clothing, put them in plastic bags, and threw those out onto the porch too! After that, I had the heebie jeebies all freaking night. I ended up sending Emerson to daycare today, but I ripped our beds apart and did a thorough inspection. I found nothing. On top of that, I inspected our bodies this morning for any bite marks. Nothing. All of the bedding on top of the clothing from yesterday was washed and dried on the hottest setting. I asked his teacher this morning about their plan of action. She told me they saw no bugs, just bites. If any more children have bites, they will close the center and fumigate. I am asking when I pick Emerson up if that child was permitted back to the center. The teachers didn’t seem overly concerned. I am though! I’ll continue to be on high alert until I hear otherwise. I hope the teachers were wrong and misread the bites as bed bugs, but it’s actually something else. It’s disgusting!

My mom and I ended up getting into an argument this morning. I had asked her yesterday if she could watch Emerson today. I didn’t want to send him to daycare, so I planned to work from home and to take a half day. I decided to send him because keeping him home for one day, but sending him the rest of the week didn’t really make sense. I still worked from home, so I could wash all of our linens. Anyway, I told her I didn’t send a blanket to daycare with him and I didn’t leave the diaper bag. She told me he’s going to get sick because I didn’t send a blanket. What?!!!!!!!!!!!!! He doesn’t slump around daycare all day with a blanket. She makes absolutely no sense. I think she just has this weird possession over him and likes to pretend he’s her child. Well, he isn’t! She then told me that I am never going to get bed bugs, so I need to stop worrying about it and send him to daycare with a blanket. Um fuck you!!!!!! It is so expensive to rid your house of bed bugs! An exterminator is hundreds of dollars. No thank you! She told me it is not and that they sell raid for bed bugs. If that worked, then people wouldn’t mind so much if they had bed bugs. It’s not that easy to get rid of. I googled for HOURS last night!! Excuse me for taking precautions and being acutely aware that we are in direct danger of having such a nasty parasite invade our home. I cannot stand when people try to water down a situation and tell me what to do.

I am so sick of her being combative with me. On top of that, she is now pissed off at me because she was chain smoking directly in my face and I went upstairs. Well, I don’t appreciate that. I don’t understand why smokers feel they have the right to make the decision for non-smokers to be exposed to such nastiness. Smoke all you want, but do not take my life away from me. You don’t get to make that decision for me. I removed myself from the situation. She becomes to offended and angry over it. Well, excuse me for not liking to sit in a cloud of smoke! Okay, enough about that. It’s just stupid at this point.

I already have a plastic bag at the door, so when I pick Emerson up and we get home, I’m stripping us down again. I just don’t want to take the chance and end up with a major disaster on my hands. Last night, I smelled skunk. Not just the scent of one passing through either. This skunk sprayed. It didn’t spray my yard directly, but it was pretty close. I wouldn’t be surprised if the neighbor’s dog was hit. That’s how close it was. I ended up shutting all of the windows around midnight. I just hope they don’t make their way over to my yard again.

Alright, that’s all I have for today. I’m sorry this isn’t more upbeat. Life happens though. This too shall pass and it’ll be in the back of my mind in no time.

Mummy's sick aunt

So, my aunt has appendicitis. Because her lungs are so poor, they cannot remove them. Instead, they are sending her home with antibiotics and pain medication. The appendix will burst, which will result in her having surgery. The doctors are not certain that she’d make it through that surgery, so they are sending her home and letting fate take its course. I think this is stupid. If her appendix burst, it’ll be 100 times worse in my eyes. At least if they do the surgery now, none of those toxins are running through her body. The surgery won’t need to be as rushed either, but when they burst, it will. I’ll find out more details later, but my mom is going to the hospital, taking my aunt home, and then getting her comfortable there. To think she beat cancer, but her appendix is taking her down is just insane to me. In the meantime, my aunt wants to sign a “ do not resuscitate order”. My mom is really upset. I guess I’ll find out more later. I will keep everyone posted.

Yesterday after daycare, Emerson and I went to Walmart to pick up the prints I had enlarged from the photo shoot we had over the weekend. They came out beautifully. I just need to buy some frames to hang them up on my wall. He ended up napping for maybe 15 minutes. We had dinner around 7, then he got a bath, boob, and bedtime. He was up a couple of times last night, but nothing too crazy. I ended up waking around midnight and not being able to get back to sleep for quite some time. We overslept a bit, but I still made the bus on time this morning. Daycare sent a memo home yesterday requesting pictures of the family. They are making a huge collage. I ended up sending two pictures. One of myself and Emerson and one of Emerson and Kodie. Adorable. I guess if they didn’t know he was fatherless before, they will now! Bad joke, sorry! I like our family though. Myself, Kodie, and the baby equals perfection in my eyes.

I’m feeling so rundown today and overly hungry. I’m hoping it’s just one of those days and the feeling passes. I only brought so much food to work with me and I don’t want to have to buy anything additional. I just can’t rid this shakey/hungry feeling. I hate it! I plan on taking a nap on the bus on the way home. I’m thinking that’ll re-energize me a bit before I pick the baby up from daycare. We don’t have any plans tonight outside of playing and hanging out before bedtime, which I hope comes easily. With feeling so rundown, I don’t want to have to fight tonight.

My sister’s birthday dinner is on Friday night. I have a half day on Friday, so the baby and I can prepare her surprise gift before dinner at my parent’s house. I have to pick up cupcakes on Thursday at a bakery in town too. Saturday, I believe we’re going to fall fest at the waterfront. The baby shower I have to attend is pretty early, so we should be able to make it to the festival around 3pm. There is a hilarious dog race too! All of the dogs are dressed up in hot dog costumes for the race! I’m not sure we’ll see that part, but the dogs should still be out when we get down there. Kennywood, the amusement park near our house, is half off admission this weekend. Emerson gets in free, so it would cost me around $13-$15 to get in. It would be nice to go and just walk around on Sunday. We’ll see about that. The weather is supposed to be gorgeous, so we definitely have some options!!

Alright, I am ending this. Have a great Tuesday, all!

Mummy's All Over The Place

LOTS to write about from the weekend. I honestly have no idea where to begin. I guess I’ll just go in order and if you’re still around long enough, you’ll find out who got engaged!

Friday, I worked in the office. Typically, I work from home on Fridays, so that was a little different. We didn’t do anything on Friday night. It was nice. He didn’t sleep too wonderfully all weekend though. He was up several times throughout the night. I still feel rested if that even makes sense. I almost forgot, I ran over to a coffee place on Friday during work and picked up a pack of pumpkin coffee for the weekend. It cost me $1.05 and made up to 10 cups of coffee. I have a small coffee pot, so I was able to make pumpkin coffee on Saturday AND Sunday. It was freaking delicious! I had the scare of my life on Friday night too. Emerson finally learned to crawl on his knees. He was army crawling before that, but now, he can REALLY crawl, which has just been so insane! Mid crawl, he fell sideways and bumped his nose on the floor. It happened so fast. He started wailing, so I picked him up, inspected him, and thought everything fine. He was still freaking though! I looked down at his hand and I noticed blood. My heart STOPPED. Blood?! He barely even fell! I glance back up and noticed his nose was bloody! Oh jeez!! It ended up only bleeding for maybe a minute, but I was so scared! I didn’t want to let him crawl for the rest of the night, but once they start, it’s impossible to make him stop. He ended up taking a long nap afterwards, which spanned the rest of the night. No matter how closely you watch, anything can happen. I learned that on Friday for sure!

Saturday, we woke up earlier than expected, but that was okay. I made my pumpkin coffee and we played for a while before getting ready for the day. Emerson and I had a few errands to run. I have a baby shower next weekend, so I wanted to pick up a gift. I ended up getting this huge memory box that says “BABY GIRL” all over it in different fonts. My friend is going with an owl themed nursery, so I bought owl pjs, an owl toy, and 3 owl onesies to put in the box. All I need is a card and I’ll be all set! Afterwards, we went over to Once Upon A Child. Emerson ended up getting some toy trucks, another Steeler onesie, and a fleece one piece outfit all for $10.88! I love that store. He still needs a hat, a couple more pairs of pants, and a jacket for fall. Afterwards, we stopped by my parent’s house for a bit. They hadn’t seen the baby in almost a week at that point, so I took him over there. They bought a brand new washer! We have all been going to the Laundromat for far too long because their washer broke. It was absolutely insane! I’d come over to their house, pick up their laundry, and take it with me to the Laundromat. They were going to the Laundromat one other time outside of me taking their clothes too. It was just adding up. I’m so happy! Not going to the Laundromat today was really weird! Yes, I still have to haul my clothes to my parent’s house, but it’s a lot better than the Laundromat. I did ask for a washer for Christmas. My parents were going to buy me a new couch, but I already am buying that myself, so I suggested a washer. We’ll see how that pans out! I’d be elated!

My sister’s birthday party was on Saturday night. I didn’t go, but I did offer to do her hair and make-up in exchange for my absence. She planned to come over to my house around 8pm. I got the baby dinner and a bath around 7 and had hoped to have him in bed before she arrived. That didn’t happen. He was fighting me so badly. She didn’t make it to my house until nearly 9:30pm anyway!!!!!!!!!! The baby was still awake too! I wasn’t upset that she was so late, but I was a little concerned. I was getting pretty tired and I knew if the baby was ready for bed, I’d have to hold off until I had her hair and make-up done. Luckily, he was fine the entire time I got her ready. After she left, the baby and I hit the hay. The next morning, things were crazy…..

I woke up on Sunday morning to a flood of text and facebook messages telling me my sister was engaged. I knew my sister’s boyfriend was going to propose because a few days prior he asked my parent’s permission. He asked me her ring size and a few opinions of ring styles too. I checked facebook and saw pictures of him proposing, pictures of the ring, and a ton of congratulatory posts. I checked my text messages though, and had NONE from her. This was quite upsetting. Why go through the motions of asking permission just to turn around, propose, and then let us find out via facebook? I thought that was disrespectful. My sister didn’t post anything. It was all from her boyfriend, but he tagged her, so it read all over her facebook page. It was still strange to me that she didn’t text me and tell me immediately. Yes, it was her moment to celebrate, but none of us were there with her. It would have been nice to find out before the rest of the world. I waited all morning and never heard from her. I finally sent out a text around 10am. All I said was “wow, the entire world knew before I did that you were engaged. I thought you would have texted me when it happened.” She fired back and told me that I needed to chill out because she didn’t tell anyone. I said “Okie dokie. Well I didn’t tell mum or dad” Jeez, don’t bite my head off. We are your family and it would have been nice to know before all of social media. She told me she knew I was sleeping, which is why she didn’t text me. She texts me any other time regardless if I am sleeping, or not and I always wake up so early, so I would have gotten the text before I looked at facebook. I get that she wasn’t the one posting on facebook, but he could have really waited for her to tell us the news. He proposed to her in front of some of his family too. None of us were there. I just wish he would have given her the opportunity to break the news properly instead of letting facebook do it for them. Aside from that, the ring is beautiful. He did a very nice job. They haven’t set a date yet, but she doesn’t see it happening for a couple of years. Also, I am the maid of honor, which tickles me pink!

After all of the excitement wound down surrounding the engagement, I got Emerson and I out of bed and made a big, Sunday breakfast complete with more pumpkin coffee! The weather was absolutely GORGEOUS that day, so I decided to dress him up adorably and head to the park to take some pictures! We did an entire apple picking shoot. It was GORGEOUS! He is such a little ham and was perfect for the camera. My sister ended up coming to help me, so I was able to get in some of the shots with the baby. I can’t wait to have them printed and framed. He is so gorgeous. I just can’t stop staring at these pictures! Afterwards, we went over to my parent’s house. I wanted to see my sister’s ring! It is even more beautiful in person. We hung out for a while before heading home.

Today has been insane. I slept in. I just received a call from my cousin. My aunt is in the hospital and really sick. She may not pull through. My cousin wants to go to the hospital and is dropping her 10 month old off for me to babysit. I’m just waiting for them to get here now. I feel so bad. I’ll update you guys on everything tomorrow…..

Mummy's Shrinking

Emerson slept from 815pm-3am! It was glorious. He was only up for a few minutes, then went right back down until I had to wake him at 545am. I slept wonderfully. It was great. He napped from about 6-7pm. I ended up waking him up. We played for a bit before he had dinner and bath. It was a nice evening. Very mellow, which is how I like it. It was so chilly this morning! Emerson wore long sleeves and pants to daycare today. I wore boots over flip flops today. It’s a sad thought thinking summer is really over. Fall is my favorite time of year, so I don’t really mind, but I’m definitely not looking forward to winter and snow. I hate driving in it and I’ll be even more nervous with a baby in the car. I don’t care if it’s really cold this winter. I just hope it isn’t really snowy. I can’t stand when people beg and wish for snow either. I secretly think those people do it to be annoying. It’s okay to snow here and there, but wiping out days at a time because we’re all snowed in is ridiculous!

I’m so happy it’s the weekend! Emerson and I are meeting my friend tomorrow around 4pm. We’re all going shopping together. I have to pick up a baby shower gift, which I know I already mentioned yesterday. We’re also visiting Once Upon A Child. Emerson needs a jacket for these cold mornings. He doesn’t have one now and I’m sure he didn’t appreciate that this morning when it was so cold out!

I had such a hard time finding something to wear this morning. I never really talk about this because I think people will read it and think I’m just being annoying. Then again, this is my blog and I should be able to be open and write what I want. I’m not trying to make people feel bad, or anything like that. It’s purely the truth. I have absolutely no clothing that fits me anymore. I weighed myself on Monday. I was 112lbs. I am NOT complaining because I dreamed, wished, prayed, and busted my ass for years to never even be this weight. To be it now is an absolute Godsend, but it’s a bit different because I’m not going out, dressing up, buying clothes, etc. All I wanted before was to be able to walk into a store, pick up anything, have it fit, and actually look good. I feel like I have that now, but I can’t execute the latter part because priorities are just different, which isn’t a bad thing. It’s just different to finally have the body I’ve always wanted (plus big boobs), but to not really enjoy it?? I don’t know if ENJOY is the proper term either. It’s just different because I don’t really care about looking cute, or anything like that.

Anyway, everything is huge on me. While I was pregnant, I cleaned out all of my closets and got rid of all of my smaller jeans, tops, etc. I never thought I’d ever be able to fit such small sizes, especially after having a baby. I regret that so much now! I wish I had all of those clothes to go through now. I ended up settling on a pair of jeggings that are still a bit big, but fit better than the actual jeans I have in my closet. I paired that with a dress that is ridiculously too big on my waist. I threw a scarf on top of it to help disguise how big the dress actually is. I guess it looks okay enough. I just think it would be MORE FUN to be this size/weight if I had clothes to choose from that actually fit me. I’m wearing jeans that are up to 3 sizes too big! Also, I have such anxiety about gaining a ton of weight back after I’m done breastfeeding. It really scares me. I don’t care who has an opinion over this blog entry either. I know I’m probably getting many eye rolls from people who have yet to lose the baby weight from ten years ago. This is something I battle and struggle with. Weight has never been a very easy thing for me. I don’t think a lot of people know that because it isn’t something I address very often. It’s real though. I don’t want to end up packing on 30lbs. I still haven’t figured out how to work exercise into my regime. I’ve started to eat A LOT healthier, which is half the battle. I’m trying to prepare my body for the shock of a life. Emerson is going to be 8 months in a couple of weeks. I plan on weaning most of these feedings at 1 year. I’ll keep the nighttime feedings, but all of these extra calories I’m burning is going to severely decrease. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get there, but it does suck to feel like a slob/bum every single day because my clothes fit so terribly. I don’t have much room in the budget to correct that either. We’ll see how it works over the next few weeks.

Mummy's teether!

Our schedule was A LOT better last night! Lots of mama/baby playtime! I picked Emerson up and reviewed his daily sheet. Two naps that spanned about a half hour each. Not much at all. I know if he’d nap more at daycare, he’d be up longer in the evenings with me. Last week, he napped a lot at daycare. It’s probably just a phase and I shouldn’t complain because taking a nap in the evening means I get to relax too after working all day and running around like a nut! I felt like I had the best of both worlds last night though. He napped from 5pm-530pm. Afterwards, he was a bit grouchy, but we were able to play for a half hour. I nursed, which he fell asleep during from 6-7pm. Afterwards, it was serious play time! Emerson is crazy! He’s now trying to stand up on his own without holding onto anything. It’s freaking me out! He wants to stand up and walk so badly. After over an hour of play, I fed him dinner, then gave him a bath. He wasn’t tired yet, so I let him play a little longer. After a poop and diaper change, he started to rub his eyes and it was lights out at 9:30pm. It was glorious! I ended up sleeping in though! He only woke one time during the night. My alarm must have rang and I shut it off in my sleep. I jumped out of bed at 5:30am in a panic. By the grace of God, I was still able to get both of us ready and out the door on time. I raced to the bus and actually made it too!

I did notice something rather exciting last night during playtime. Emerson’s top tooth cut through! I didn’t even know he was teething. He hasn’t shown signs of any discomfort and he isn’t any more drooly than usual. How exciting though! This will be his third tooth. I can’t wait to see how he looks with top teeth. It’s so cute the way he smiles now. I absolutely love it. I was a little worried this morning though. The last time he was teething, he sprung a fever and daycare called me to pick him up early. I don’t want that happening again!

I can’t believe it’s already Thursday. This week flew by so quickly. This weekend is going to be very mellow. We never do anything on Fridays. After a long week, it’s nice to just go home, go to bed early, and sleep in a bit! Saturday, we have to head out to buy a baby shower gift for a friend whose shower is on the 20th. That should take up a nice chunk of the day. I think we’ll go a bit later in the day and then pop over to visit my friend after she’s off of work as long as she’s up for it. She’s nearing the end of her pregnancy. I remember those days and being exhausted. I didn’t want to do anything, so I won’t be offended if she doesn’t want visitors. We won’t be doing much on Saturday night aside from hanging out at home. The weather is supposed to be nice on Sunday. I didn’t see any rain in the forecast. I’m going to take a big blanket, toys, and snacks to the park to play for a few hours in the afternoon. I’m trying to suck up as much outdoor time as possible before the weather turns cold. We’ll probably pop over to my parent’s house afterwards to say hi. They haven’t seen Emerson since last Sunday. Of course, no one has dropped by my house, or anything like that, so I’ll take him over for a little bit on Sunday. I know if I don’t, I’ll be the bad guy. SIGH.

My sister’s boyfriend has been working on the road for nearly two months. He came home last night, so I’m sure she is really excited. I don’t know if he has to go back on the road, or not, but there is real potential that he’ll be around for her birthday. I’m so happy about this. I’ve been so worried that her birthday was going to be ruined again this year. Last year, all of the drama ensued with our other sister and it all occurred the day of my sister’s birthday, which was very unfortunate. I just don’t want her birthday to be ruined again this year. I can’t wait to give her the gift I bought her! 8 more days!!!!!!!!!! I’ve had it for over a month and am dying to give it to her!

Well, I guess that’s all I have to offer today. Sorry I couldn’t be more exciting everyone! I hope your Thursdays are super speedy and stress-free!

Mummy's couch dilemma

After daycare yesterday, Emerson and I played in the backyard. He was in his exersaucer, while I played fetch with Kodie for a bit to tire her out. It was nice. A little hot out, but nice. Afterwards, we came inside, and Emerson took a nap. His nap ended up spanning from 6pm-9pm. Crazy long. I put him in his crib around 7:30pm. Around 8pm, Kodie and I got into bed to watch some t.v. Just as I was drifting off to sleep, Emerson woke up. He was pretty hungry, so I fed him and put all of us to bed. He woke a couple of times throughout the night, but I’m sure that’s because he had no solids before he went to sleep. I decided to skip bath/solids to avoid risking him not going to sleep again after he woke from such a long nap at 9pm. I ended up bathing him this morning before daycare though. Luckily, I had enough time after I got ready for work. It worked out nicely. Daycare exhausts him. He only naps MAYBE a total of 30-40 minutes the entire day, so by the time he gets home, he’s extremely tired. I’d be happy if he only napped for maybe an hour, so that we could do dinner, bath, then a normal bedtime like we used to do. Lately, he just seems so tired. He’s on the go all day, so I can’t blame him. Hey, it’s better than him not napping at all!

I’m so close to being able to buy a new couch. I’m so excited, but also really nervous to spend that money. I’ve done the math so many times in my head and I constantly go back and forth and ask myself “Do you really need this?” I struggle so much with this answer. My couch isn’t broke, or anything. It’s definitely worn and not very comfortable to sit on. I think I’m so used to it that it doesn’t bother me so much anymore. It’s very tiny too, but then again, I’m not a very large person, so I guess that doesn’t bother me either. I’m going to move it into the playroom, so it must not be THAT bad if I’m still going to use it in another area. Is it selfish of me to buy a new couch? If I don’t buy the new couch, then I can buy everyone more Christmas gifts, but I already go overboard with that anyway. I’ve scaled back and I’m trying to be more reasonable when it comes to gift giving, so that would negate that idea. I guess I’m just looking for a reason to not do something for myself because I have extreme guilt over it. I mean, what the hell?! I feel guilty to buy myself a new couch! That is so twisted. I plan on purchasing the couch on October 4th. I’ve seen a lot of great sales too. I don’t need anything ridiculous either. Just one sofa, which I found one on sale for $300. Not too bad at all! I hope I really allow myself to do this. I just feel like I am going to be such a bad person if I buy myself a couch and I don’t save that $300.

I can’t wait until I no longer have to have my grass get cut. I only budgeted out through October. I mean, doesn’t it stop needing cut in November? I don’t want snow, or anything like that, but I’m thinking once the temperature starts to drop, the grass will stop growing as fast. $40.00/month is killing me, but the grass needs cut! Hopefully I won’t need to pay to have it cut beyond October.

Alright, I don’t have much more to offer and I need to go pump before I head out for the day. Today as gone so quickly. I was really busy!

Mummy's mummy is annoying

I got into a tiff with my mum yesterday. She is always in this sick competition over who has it worse. I don’t understand why. We were talking about babysitters and I mentioned that she had an array of options when we were younger. My aunt always took us overnight. She loved having us. Every Wednesday, my parents were in a bowling league, so my cousin/aunt would babysit us. My mom scoffed at me and said “Well, I only got out once a week!” I laughed. The first and last time I’ve been out was in July when I went to happy hour for 2 hours! I don’t really mind not going out. It doesn’t interest me. I’d rather use my time for other things, but the subject only came up because my sister’s birthday is in ten days. She desperately wants me to go out. I am not interested in the bar scene, so I suggested going to get sushi as an early dinner. My mom would obviously be the only babysitter I have to choose from. She just makes everything so damn difficult. She only sees the baby because I bring him over to their house. She’s been a hell of a lot better than she was when he was first born, but she still doesn’t make the 8 minute drive to my house to alleviate me having to lug a ton of crap to their place. I haven’t said anything because it’s nice for us to get out of the house, but it still does bug me. She constantly tells me that I have it easier than she did. I don’t really understand how. Yes, she had 3 children fairly young, but she always had my dad around AND she didn’t have to work until my youngest sister was in kindergarten, so she never had to pay for/use daycare. I don’t understand how I have it easier as a single mother. She had so much support with her mom, my dad’s mom, and the fact that she has a ton of siblings, which most were around when we were growing up with their kids. She’d send us to my aunt’s house ALL of the time to be babysat overnight too. I just find it so strange that she’s always out to prove that she had it a lot worse than I do. First off, I don’t view having a child as having a bad situation. I love Emerson and he is amazing! I think it’s a ridiculous point of view to have. Secondly, who is in competition over having something worse than another person. Isn’t it usually opposite and competition over who is best? Not only does she try to stack her situation raising my sisters and I against me raising Emerson myself, she is constantly telling me she has it worse NOW! She is constantly prancing around saying “Well, I had to work at 4:30 this morning!” Whoa, whoa!!!!!!!!!!!! Back up!! My job NEVER stops. I am up several times a night nursing my son, working all day, handling all errands/chores, then taking care of him all night with no break. I don’t feel sorry for ANYONE who has to work. She thinks because she has a job the world stops with her. We should all cater to and sympathize over her having to work. How can I feel sorry?! You chose that job and you certainly chose that shift. She has a 5 minute commute into work and typically only works 6 hours! I just can’t stand this mentality. I told her yesterday that I wish she would stop making everything into a competition and at least recognize that I do a good job. She thinks my job is a joke and she certainly thinks caring for a baby is a cake walk by yourself. It really pisses me off. I’m so tired of her watering down my life and making me feel like she is the almighty and I don’t have a fucking purpose!!

After work yesterday, I ran to the store to get more breastmilk storage bags and socks for Emerson. So far, I have 16oz stocked. I should be able to stock at least another 8oz this week. It’s coming along slowly but surely. I’m not trying to have a million ounces stocked, but just in case I get sick, or something I need to be prepared. I feel better knowing I have a little on reserve.

When I picked Emerson up from daycare yesterday I was told he had an incident report. An incident report is an accident report for anyone who might not know. Anyway, I didn’t realize what was wrong with him until I walked over towards the teacher holding him. He had huge scratches deep in his forehead and face. It looked awful! I guess while the kids were all playing another baby got ahold of him and scratched him. I know he’s scratched babies before at daycare, so I couldn’t really be mad. He scratches me all the time. It’s funny because the first thought anyone has is “Were they watching him?” No, they just let them run amuck. They don’t watch the kids at all. They just let them beat the hell out of each other. Of course they watch them! They don’t separate the kids all day though. They don’t designate corners for each kid to play individually. That would be stupid. Babies grab and pull. They are learning to use their hands and don’t really know any better. The best we can do is keep their nails short, but even that isn’t always effective. After he had a bath last night, it looked a lot better. I cleaned his cuts up pretty well, but he still looks like he was in a fight with a cat. I felt so bad because the scratches do look painful, but he didn’t seem too bothered by them.


Last night, while Emerson napped, I watched The Brittany Murphy story on Lifetime. Wow, it was awful. The actress cast to play the role of Brittany looked absolutely nothing like her. It was just super awkward! She wore bad wigs and was on the heavier side. I don’t have a problem with bigger people, but Brittany Murphy was a freaking stick! It was just weird watching this girl play her when all the bad gossip/rumors surrounding Britt were about her being anorexic and having a drug problem. Um, it was kind of hard to believe the storyline when the girl playing Britt was obviously not starving. It was just weird and made me think of Brittany Murphy in a bad light. They could have done a better job. I’m so disappointed. I was looking forward to a great biopic. That definitely was not portrayed in that movie!

That’s about all I have for today. I hope everyone can find the positive in their day!

Mummy's busy weekend

Last night, I received a facebook message from a friend asking if I had heard from Emerson’s father. I know I don’t blog about this often, but it’s because I honestly don’t have time to really think about it. The weirdest is I had forgotten that he even existed until I read her message. I responded and she fired back praising me on handling everything myself. It always feels good when someone recognizes how difficult it is to have a new baby on your own. She mentioned that even though her husband is out working, he does come home to help and she doesn’t know how I do it myself. I guess when you’ve never known any other way, you don’t really think about it. Is it really harder? I wouldn’t know because I’ve never had another person there to help me financially, or with the day to day tasks that need done. So many times I’ve heard friends complain about their husbands/boyfriends not helping enough, or messing the entire house up after it’s just been cleaned. I almost feel like this is a blessing in disguise. It would be so aggravating to have help staring you in the face, but to not actually receive it. I couldn’t imagine having to work, take care of the baby, the house, and then having someone around arguing with me. It just seems like too much. I can see why people would be more miserable and exhausted. I have a big list at the start of each day and I work through it as the day goes along. At the end of the day, everything is in order and its mama/baby time. I think it’s awesome. I couldn’t imagine having to pick up after another person, or watch them slop around and be lazy, while I handle all responsibilities. I’m not saying EVERY relationship is like that either, but I think the relationships that aren’t are the exceptions. It’s been amazing to not have a person be around to make me feel horrible, not a priority, inadequate, etc, etc, etc,, etc. This is the primary reason why I’m not sure I’ll ever even want to date again. It has been absolutely amazing to not deal with anyone’s bullshit. A lot of people don’t understand why I’d want to just be left alone because they have this old-fashioned view that a mother and baby should have a husband/father. I don’t see things this way though. Anyway, it’s funny how many times I am told “I don’t know how you do it yourself”. On the other hand, knowing that I do it myself, people still come to me complaining about having too much to do. It makes me laugh and think to myself “Do they know who they’re talking to?”

Okay, now onto the fun stuff: The weekend recap! Friday was a very mellow day. I worked from home, then went grocery shopping. I ended up buying all the groceries, household items, dog food, baby food, and diapers for the next two weeks. I spent $97. I came in $6 under budget. It’s not an easy task, but I meal plan, so that I can try to save as much as possible when grocery shopping. I was pretty pleased with myself. Hauling everything into the house wasn’t fun, but I got everything put away and organized before I picked Emerson up from daycare. He ended up napping quite a bit after we got home. Bedtime was relatively early, which was nice. I was pretty tired.

Saturday was pretty busy. The girl who cuts my grass came over around 9am. We chatted for about an hour. In the middle of our conversation, my annoying neighbor came over to ask if my friend could avoid spraying grass onto her property. Annoying! I wish this woman would get a life! My friend did a great job though, so the neighbor should be pleased. Afterwards, my sister and nephew came over. We all headed out to the mall, bookstore, then once upon a child, which is a used clothing store for kids! It was absolutely amazing! They had a big Halloween costume event going on. I ended up buying Emerson a giraffe costume for $7.50!! I was also able to get him a Steeler’s onesie, two Halloween one piece outfits, and a pair of shoes. What a steal! I will NEVER shop for clothes for him anywhere else before checking that store first. Most of the clothes were brand new with tags still attached! We had such a great time. Emerson was exhausted and napped for about 3 hours after we got home.

Sunday. We went to my parent’s house for the Steeler game and to celebrate grandparent’s day. We had a great time. I made a harvest casserole and we also tasted some pumpkin beer. It was really good! I was exhausted by 4pm, so Emerson and I headed home. We laid down for a while to nap. Emerson ended up napping for nearly three hours. I let myself lay down and nap/watch tv too. I never do this. I’m always running around cleaning something while he is sleeping, but last night, I let myself relax. It was awesome! Afterwards, Emerson played while I did bottles, then he had dinner, bath, boob, then bed! He was up quite a few times during the night, but we did sleep fairly well.

This morning, we slept in a bit, but I worked from home, so that I could go to the Laundromat. We only had two loads, which wasn’t bad. I probably won’t go until next Monday, so going today was important. We don’t have much planned for this week. Just work, daycare, and hanging out. I’m okay with that though. Anyway, I hope everyone has a super Monday!

Mummy's adventurous boy!

Yesterday was a real doozy of a day. When I got off the bus, I hopped in my car like I always do. I noticed a piece of paper stuck in my windshield. I immediately thought to myself, “this can’t be good”. I hopped out of the car, grabbed the paper, and read four words you never want to see: YOUR TIRE IS FLAT. Ugh…I walked around to the passenger side and sure enough, my tire was flatter than a pancake. I ended up driving up the road to a gas station, putting air in my tire, and then going to my parent’s house, so my dad could try to fix my tire. He ended up draining it flat, putting fix a flat in it, and re filling with air. I hope that works for a little while. I do not have the funds for a new tire right now! In the meantime, my sister drove me to daycare to pick up Emerson.

When I picked Emerson up from daycare yesterday they told me he needed rescued. I started to panic for a second, but just laughed and asked why. His teacher told me that he climbed the bookshelf and was afraid because he couldn’t get down. The bookshelf is VERY low to the ground. It isn’t even a full step up, so I wasn’t alarmed, but it did make me giggle. I could just imagine Emerson conquering the shelf, reaching the top, throwing his hands up, and then hysterically crying because he couldn’t get down! My kid is too damn funny! Way too adventurous.

Emerson slept so well last night. He woke up one time. When I woke this morning, I was completely engorged! I pumped 8oz and I wasn’t even drained, but we were running late, so I had to make it quick. Yesterday morning, I pumped 9 freaking ounces! Holy shit! I’m wondering if I need to up his bottles. I’m not one to overproduce, so I definitely think I should bump his bottles for daycare back up to 5oz. It has been so awesome getting more milk though! One side of my pump isn’t working. The tube needs replaced. I’ve been pumping one side at a time. I’m wondering if that’s helping me get more. It takes twice as long to pump, but if I’m getting more, then I’ll deal with it!

After work, I have to go grocery shopping. We are running low on so much stuff. I have to get toilet paper, toothpaste, diapers, paper towels, and dog food too. After that, we should be all set. We have no plans tonight at all. Tomorrow, we are hanging out with my sister. The bookstore and yogurt place are on the agenda. I think we’re due for a free frozen yogurt too. I think we have enough punches on our card! That’s exciting. If we don’t, then we definitely will have tomorrow’s trip! It looks like there is a threat of rain tomorrow though, so if it seems too crazy, we’ll just go to the mall book store. That way, we can walk around and not get wet. Our plans won’t be ruined.

I also have to pick up two cards today for grandparents day. I’m making my harvest casserole for Sunday! It is so amazing. I made it up last year during the fall when experimenting in my kitchen! It turned out amazing, so now I make it for my family. It’s so good! I cook sausage with brown sugar and an apple pie mix. At the same time, I boil try colored pasta. I cut up sweet potato, squash, onions, and some peppers. I mix everything together in a casserole dish, top with cheese, and then bake in the oven. DELICIOUS! I sometimes skip the casserole dish and dump it all into the crock pot and let it cook all day! I haven’t decided what I’ll do for Sunday yet. I’ll probably use the crock to avoid turning the oven on Its too hot for that!

Other than that, we are just living the dream  I hope everyone has a really nice weekend. I’ll catch up on Monday!

Mummy's a bookworm

I started to read “If I stay” yesterday on the way into work on the bus. I was able to finish the entire book while Emerson napped after daycare yesterday. It was so good! There’s a sequel, so my sister and I are taking the baby to the bookstore on Saturday, so that she can buy it. I’m so excited. We’ll obviously stop by our favorite place too: Sincerely Yogurt! It’s so cheap for myself and Emerson because I only give him plain sherbet. Without adding in all of the toppings, it keeps the cost super low, plus he really likes it. I get paid on Friday, so I’m going grocery shopping and to buy diapers. I decided to wait until next week to take a half day, so Emerson will be at daycare. Sunday is grandparent’s day, so I’m making my harvest casserole and framing some adorable pictures of my parents with the baby. The first Steeler game of the season is also playing, so the baby and I will throw on our Steeler gear for that. I also plan on taking him to the park too. It’ll be nice to get out this weekend. I feel like we’re both getting a touch of cabin fever. The best part about it is we will spend next to no money, but we’ll still have some fun things to look forward to.

Yesterday after Emerson woke from his nap, My sister came over. She was at the shopping center near my house, so decided to stop by on her way home. She bought Emerson a few more fall outfits, which are absolutely ADORABLE! I’m so appreciative. He should be all set now. He just needs some socks and a pair of shoes, which he’s never worn yet! It’s been summer time, so there really wasn’t a need. He isn’t walking yet either, so there really was no reason for me to buy shoes for him to not wear. I’m excited for him to have a first pair though. I hope he doesn’t hate them!

We have one more month until we can upgrade our cell phones. I cannot wait. I absolutely HATE my phone! I realize it’s just because I have an Iphone 4s and the storage on it sucks, but I just want a damn droid back. My phone is cracked beyond belief too. If it makes it another month I’ll be surprised. In the meantime, I’m going to delete everything off of it, so it runs a bit smoother. I hate doing that though because then I have to go to my facebook and Instagram to steal pics of the baby just to show people. It gets annoying, but the storage is non-existent and makes the phone run so slow. I’m literally counting down the days!

Alright, that’s about all I have today. I know, I know. I’m so boring lately! I apologize!

Mummy's Jello Fight

When I picked Emerson up at daycare yesterday, he was in a corner atop a mound of toys. It was HILARIOUS. His back was to me when I walked in, so he didn’t initially see me. I said “Hey buddy!” and he immediately turned around and gave me a big smile! It was pretty cute. He almost fell asleep on the car ride home, but didn’t. When we got into the house, he said hi to Kodie and then I put him on the floor with a bunch of toys to play, while I washed and sterilized bottles. I had stopped home before I picked him up, so I was able to let Kodie out, clean, eat, and sit on the couch for 25 minutes to relax. A lot of people would probably talk shit on me going home before picking him up from daycare, but I don’t have a second hand at home. It’s a small treat I allow myself to have. I don’t ask for babysitters, nor do I do much without Emerson, so going home to clean up and take a few minutes to is one thing I like to give myself here and there.

Anyway, after I was done doing the bottles, Emerson and I played for a while. He had a very short nap at daycare, so when I caught him rubbing his eyes, I knew he was ready for a pre-dinner nap. I rocked him to sleep, which resulted in him napping for 90 minutes. Around 7:30pm, he woke up and I got his dinner ready: A Gerber Mac and Cheese meal, sweet potatoes, and jello for dessert. He absolutely loved the jello. After he was full and had finished eating, I put some hunks of jello down on the tray for him to play and practice using his pincher fingers. It was funny because the jello was so slimy and slippery that he had a hard time with it. He got a kick out of it though. I guess that sorta negated the whole “practice” thing I had originally planned on. After dinner, I wiped him down and we played for a few more minutes. He was slightly fussy, so we headed straight for the tub. After a quick bath, we headed upstairs for jammie time. He threw up all over me. It was absolutely disgusting. A quick wardrobe change for mom, a couple extra minutes of playtime for baby, then we were in bed for the night. He went down fairly quickly, which was surprising considering the big nap he had. I watched a few episodes of “Flip Flop” on HGTV, then hit the hay myself. Emerson woke a couple of times during the night, but nothing too crazy. He woke right after I got a shower this morning, which meant he was up with me all morning through hair, make up, diaper and work bag preparations, and he saw that I packed my lunch too! Afterwards, we got dressed and headed to daycare. The craziest is I woke up late and still made it to the bus on time. I woke up at 5:13am and almost decided to work from home because I didn’t think I’d be ready to make the bus! I like when I’m wrong in situations like that!

I don’t really have too much more to add to this. We don’t have any plans this week, so I’m just kind of letting Emerson guide our evenings.

Mummy's back to the grind

We had a really nice extended weekend. Friday, I worked a half day. Afterwards, we went shopping for fall clothes for the baby with my sister. I was able to get him so much stuff. I spent around $46. He ended up getting 2 REALLY adorable outfits with plaid shirts and adorable pants, another plaid shirt onesie, a Pittsburgh Steeler’s outfit, a Pittsburgh Penguins onesie, 2 zip up sweaters, a sweat suit, 3 long sleeve thermal shirts, 2 pair of pajamas, and a polo shirt. He made out pretty well. He only needs socks, a pair of shoes, and probably a couple of extra onesies and he should be set. We definitely need to make one more trip to the thrift store though to get some daycare clothes. There is no way I’m sending him to daycare wearing any of the nice stuff I just bought him. My sister bought two outfits and brought them over on Saturday. I was super excited and thankful for that. He actually wore one of the outfits today to daycare. I hope he doesn’t mess it up. It’s a short outfit, so it was perfect for today. Plus, I had to do laundry this morning, so I’m glad we had that outfit available. The other one is perfect for the fall. I’m glad he has some clothes now. I was panicking for a minute. I feel so poor now, but we won’t need to worry about it again until around December when he needs some heavier items. I bought mainly 9-12 month clothes, so hopefully he’s good through the end of the year. At that point, he’ll be getting a ton of things for Christmas and then his birthday is a month later, so I feel okay about it.

Saturday, we had our family Labor Day Cookout. It was fun. We went swimming and ate some yummy food. My sister came over and shared the news that she bought a house! She showed us pictures too. It was really nice. She was super nice and talkative too. I hope that continues. I was super upset over the entire situation last week when I posted. Saturday was such a welcoming change. I hope she lets us come over to see the house after she closes. I have to get boxes ready for her too. I have so many from when I moved. I’m going to give them to her, so she can start packing immediately. I’m glad because now I won’t have to worry about putting all of these boxes out to the garbage. My dad also came over to measure the basement for carpeting. I’m excited. I haven’t done anything extra to the playroom, so after the carpet goes in, I plan on finishing it up. I did move a bookcase from my living room into my kitchen this weekend and made a pantry. I was running out of cupboard space. It looks really cute. My dad brought a smaller bookcase over to my house that they weren’t using to replace the one I moved. I like it a lot better now.

Sunday, it was a pretty boring day. We visited my parents for a bit. Emerson was extremely cranky all day. He hadn’t pooped, so I knew that was bothering him. That night, I gave him some prunes. That worked wonders. He ended up blowing through a diaper on Monday. He was a lot less cranky yesterday. It rained so badly, so that kind of killed all labor day plans. We went out for coffee that morning and then visited my parents. Nothing too Earth shattering to report there.

This week, we have nothing going on. I did the laundry this morning and worked from home. I’m in office on Wednesday and Thursday, but home on Friday. I have another half day. We really have no weekend plans at all. We’ll probably go to the park and also pick up a baby shower gift for a friend. Pretty mellow. I’m really tired of being poor though. I hate to say that and I hate to complain about money, but it just seems like things are always so damn tight. I had to get Emerson clothes. There was no way around that. We went to secondhand stores just to save some money. It SUCKS. I don’t even know what we’d do if we had money, but the option would be nice. I’m sick of doing nothing, but visiting my parents every weekend. It starts to become so boring. I plan on going to a different park this upcoming weekend just to shake things up a bit. I’m hoping my best friend is up for a visit, so the babies can play together. That’ll definitely be out of our normal routine. I just feel like it is starting to become so boring. Playing at home with the same toys and visiting my parents is starting to drive me a little bit crazy. I’m not sure if the baby is bored with it, but I know I am. He’ll be at daycare Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday this week, so that’ll at least shake it up a bit. Someone posted in my mommy group about free admission in September to several places around the city. We’re going to check into those. I just hate when they do that because it is so jam packed and you don’t really get to do everything when there are triple the kids running around, but we’ll see.

Alright, that’s about all I have for now. I know, I’m not too exciting. I hope everyone had a wonderful Labor Day Weekend though! Back to the grind!