That was short lived

Well, I ended things after 6 whole days. It just wasn’t the right situation for myself, or Emerson. There were some deal breakers that I thought I could look past, but I couldn’t. I think he is a wonderful person and I hope he finds the person who accepts him for who he is and makes him happy. Unfortunately, that isn’t me, but it’s okay. We didn’t end on bad terms, or anything like that and I think we can still maintain a friendship, which is great. I couldn’t ask for a better ending to be honest. It’s still a little sad though. Over the last 6 weeks, I had grown accustomed to talking to someone every day and having them in my life.  I am just appreciative that we were able to discuss everything like adults and without any kind of hostility. Look how much I’ve grown! Honestly though, Emerson is my main concern and every decision I make revolves around him. He’s my main squeeze, so I have to keep an eye out.

In other news, Emerson has been waking up so early this week before I get him out of bed. It is driving me nuts. This morning, I went into his room to wake him like normal at 5:35am. His light was on! He must have woken up, stood up on his bed, and hit the switch. I guess he fell back to sleep at some point. He never cried. He was standing on his bed when I walked in. I don’t get it. I think I might need to rearrange though, so he can’t turn his light on. Yesterday morning, he woke up about 5 minutes before I usually get him up. He was crying though for me to come and let him out of his room. I have a door knob cover on his door, so he can’t escape. I just wonder if I am now putting him to bed too early and he doesn’t need that much sleep. He’s getting about 9.5 hours. I would think that’s under what he really needs. I’ll see how it goes the rest of the week and over the weekend. His fan has been in the window though. Maybe it’s just too cold in the mornings, which makes him wake up. I’ll take the fan out of his window before bed tonight and see how that goes too. Kids!

Last night, I made the signs for my nephew’s Glow-in-the-Dark party. They came out pretty good. Nothing spectacular, but I got the job done. I can’t wait to see it all come together. My sister worked on the Glow-in-the-Dark twister last night. It looks pretty neat. I am working from home on Friday, so that I can shave off time commuting in the afternoon since the party starts at 630. This way, I don’t have to rush after I pick Emerson up from daycare. We can go home, get ready, and let the dog out before we head to the party.  His gift arrived yesterday. I didn’t even have a chance to open up the box yet to see what the mini fridge looks like. I’ll do that tonight.

I don’t have much else to discuss. Outside of Birthday plans this weekend, we don’t have much going on. I think we have a play date on Sunday if it doesn’t rain. 70% chance is being reported now, so that isn’t looking too promising.  We’ll see though. These things change daily it seems. Alright, I hope everyone has a super day! Happy Hump Day!

Adulting sucks

I don’t even know where to begin, so I’ll just start with this weekend. On Saturday, the early intervention girl came over to give me information and have me sign all of the initial paperwork before we set up Emerson’s evaluation. The evaluation will take place within the next two weeks.   We decided to go with occupational therapy for sensory issues, speech therapy, and just general therapy  for social and cognitive issues from an intervention specialist. His fine and gross motor skills are fine, so we left out the physical therapy. He might not qualify at all. I mean, his speech is picking up A LOT. He still has a very difficult time sitting still though and with climbing regardless of being told “No”, so I believe they feel they can work on that type of behavior.  It isn’t like Emerson will realize anything is going on either. It’s more of them just playing with toys and gathering information they need. The evaluation is 3 hours though, which sucks. We scheduled it for 9am, so I can work from home when I am done.  I will follow-up to let you guys know how it is afterwards and what results we get.

On Saturday night, Dave came over to have dinner with us, then we had a fire in the yard. It was nice. I didn’t write about this earlier, but we made it “official” last week. I am still not entirely comfortable with this. I’ve been on my own for such a long time that being “with” someone else is strangely uncomfortable. I am trying to not get inside of my own head because that makes me want to dart the other way.  I am trying to just let these feelings settle though. I don’t want to self-sabotage for no reason. There are things that I have noticed that I don’t necessarily like though, but I intend on talking about it before I make a hasty decision. We will see. It’s nice having someone to spend time with and talk to. Emerson is really fond of him, but Emerson is usually REALLY fond of anyone. I haven’t brought a person around that he doesn’t like. I think what I like is that it appears that Dave is fond of Emerson and doesn’t mind being around him and interacting together. It’s extremely nice that we can spend time together without my having to get a babysitter too. I don’t want to be with someone out of convenience though. I just need to sort through how I feel and see where to go from here.

This weekend, my nephew turns 12! I cannot believe he will be 12! Time has flown by so quickly. We’re throwing an insanely amazing Glow-in-the-Dark party for him. The décor is ridiculous. My sister was playing with some of the lights last night. Her house looked like a club! I know the kids are going to have a blast. She has white t-shirts for everyone to decorate before the party starts too. That’ll give them something to do, while we’re waiting for the sun to set and for it to get dark, so everything glows even more. I’m going to make some decorations for her this week. I cannot wait. I found the idea on Pinterest and thought it would be a good 12 year old party theme. Turns out, he loves the idea and all of his friends are super excited too.  We throw some great parties! The best part is we can re-use all of these expensive black lights for a pretty sick Halloween party this fall. At least we can try to get her money’s worth.  The birthday party is on Friday night. His actual birthday is on Saturday. My sister is having all of us over for dinner, so that’ll be nice. Emerson and I bought him a mini fridge for his birthday. It’s nothing huge, but big enough for some drinks and snacks. He has pretty much everything he could ever want, so buying him gifts is hard. I thought this would be a neat thing to have in his room considering he always has friends there. If I was 12 with a mini fridge in my room, I’d feel like a boss! I’ll post pictures afterwards, so you guys can see how cool it all looked!

That’s about all we have going on right now. I hope this week is super boring. I don’t need any excitement at all. The same old routine is good for me. I’m running today. I ran 3 times outside last week, once inside, and then I lifted another day. I upped my cardio in hopes that I can slim down a little quicker before my birthday. The diet is going okay. I wouldn’t even call it a diet. You guys know how I feel about that. Clean eating is going well. It could be better though. I threw caution to the wind on Saturday and Sunday this week. Sometimes, you just have to! I’ll try to clean it up this week though before all of the festivities this weekend. I plan on running 3 days this week and lifting 3 days this week. That sounds fair and like a better balance than last week. We will see! I don’t feel like I am making any progress though. I’m doing enough to just stay the same. That is crappy. I know what I NEED to do. I just want to wait to do it until the beginning of next month.

Alright. I am outta here.

Have a great week

-Ash

Our fun weekend

Hey guys. I wanted to update real quick since I’m going to be super busy today and probably all week. Anyway, I had the day off on Thursday because I had to go to arbitration for something. When it’s all said and done, I’ll fill in the gaps. It turns out that the arbitration was postponed until June 21st, but I hadn’t received notification prior to the meeting. The entire day wasn’t a waste though. I was able to discuss some things that’ll probably be beneficial at the actual arbitration. When I was done, my mom and I went to brunch for her birthday. Can we talk about the fact that my mom is only 52? My dad will be 56 in December. Even still, they’re both so young. I’m going to be so old once Emerson grows up. I think having babies young is the way to go. That way when they are all grown, you’re still young enough to enjoy life. I’ll probably be in a walker at Emerson’s high school graduation. Okay, I’m over exaggerating a bit, but my mom was only 38 when I graduated high school! I will be 49 when Emerson reaches that milestone. CRAZY! Anyway, after my mom and I were done, I had a few hours to kill, so I went to the mall, then went to pick Emerson up. We went to my parent’s house for dinner, cake, and presents. I think my mom had a good 52nd birthday. Well, at least I hope she did.

Friday, I was back in the office. It was pretty busy because I had to get caught up from the prior day. I didn’t go to the gym because I thought I’d be too busy to actually step away from my desk. I was right in that assumption. I hope this week isn’t crazy. I’ll take the usual pain and misery. Just kidding!

Saturday was fantastic! Emerson and I went over to the guy’s house that I wrote about previously. We had so much fun playing with his kids and hanging out. It was so hot out! Finally! Hopefully this weather is here to stay. I’m so sick and tired of swapping between summer and winter clothes. Anyway, we ended up staying at his house that night. I was extremely shocked that Emerson went to sleep and stayed down the entire night. I definitely do not give that boy enough credit. He was so burnt out from being in the sun all day and playing. I’m sure that helped. I must say, I’m in absolute shock that this is all still going on. We all know I have the absolute worst luck when it  comes to dating. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I hate being that pessimistic about it, but I hate being caught off guard even more. Nothing is worse than being excited about someone and then BOOM! Egg on your face. That’s happened to me on numerous occasions, which is why I hardly ever talk about anyone that I’m seeing until after it’s over. Obviously I’ve strayed from the plan this time. I hope I don’t end up regretting it though. Emerson really likes him  A LOT! On the flip side, I really like his kids too. It’s nice when that happens. The kids seem to like each other too, which is majorly important to me. Cross your fingers and toes! I’m just ready to catch a freaking break this time. It seems like everyone always meets these amazing people, but it NEVER happens to me! Can it be my turn this time?

This week, we don’t have much planned. The early intervention lady is coming over at 10am on Saturday morning. she said the visit shouldn’t be longer than an hour, which works for me. It won’t completely ruin our entire Saturday. Hopefully the weather is nice and we can do something during the day. I still need to figure out what the hell to do about my grass. I’d prefer to just cut it myself all summer because it’ll be cheaper, but it definitely needs cut NOW. I just texted my cousin to ask him if he’d come over to cut it. The only problem with that is he can be a bit flakey. He works with my dad sometimes and I think they might be on the outs right now. I can’t keep up with either of them. I don’t want to piss my dad off, but I do need my grass cut! We are now THAT LAWN in the neighborhood. On top of that, it isn’t fun playing in a yard that has grass over a foot high.  I had A LOT of offers from people to come over to cut my grass too, BUT I just don’t trust half the people. It’s mainly dudes that are always trying to get on me and I definitely DO NOT want these people to know where I live. I’m not quite that desperate yet. I’d ask the lawn company that did it last year, BUT I don’t want to be in contract with them again and I don’t know how they’d feel about a one time job. I liked them a lot and they were fast, consistent, and did good work, but they used to come over kind of late. That bothered me. I’m bathing Emerson and putting him to bed around 730-745. To me, that’s too late to be coming over to cut my grass. They also let my dog out one time. That scared me. I guess I still have time to decide though. I absolutely HATE having to deal with this though. It’s the biggest gripe of the weather getting warm. When I pay someone, I only pay on a bi-weekly basis, so sometimes the grass is so long for almost a week before it gets cut again. I HATE THAT! I want it to be short and have the flexibility to cut it as often as needed. Adulting is ridiculous sometimes.

Yesterday, my sister and I took the kids to the park and to get ice cream. When I showed up to meet her at my parent’s house, she had a big surprise. She cut all of her hair off! It looks AMAZING! She has such amazing hair because she’s never damaged it with hair dye like I have. It was so long and thick. Now, it just grazes her shoulders. It looks great though! She is loving her new job that she started about 3 weeks ago. She’s working at a debt consolidation company. I’m glad things are going well for her. My nephew will be leaving for California in two months. She’s starting to dread it already, but first we get to throw in the craziest glow in the dark birthday party, which we’re having on April 30th. He’s going to be 12! I originally saw the idea on Pinterest and though it would be a super cool idea. Since he’s getting older, it’s harder to find good themes that are age appropriate.  This should be a hit though. My sister got tons of glow sticks, glow in the dark paint, etc. Hopefully it all comes together when we try to decorate and black out her dining room. It’s all good in our heads, but we all know how that is when you actually try to execute it. Hopefully it isn’t a #pinterestfail.

I expect to be extremely crabby for the next few days. Birthday slimdown is in full effect. Decreasing my calories a couple of days a week intermixed with some carb cycling means I am going to be a psychopath. I do not look forward to feeling like that, but it’s a necessary evil. The first few days are always the hardest. I’ve had my fun, but it’s time to get serious now because there is no way in heck I am wearing a bikini public, or turning 33 looking this out of shape! Last year at this time, I weighed 102lbs!!!!!!!!!!!! I weighed myself yesterday and I was at 118. Granted, I know 102 was DISGUSTING on me. I am well aware, but I’m not entirely comfortable where I am right now either. I’d like to sit somewhere around the 110-112lb mark. It’s nice because I don’t have much to lose before I actually reach goal. It shouldn’t take me more than 3 weeks if I’m really disciplined, I stick to my calories, and I drop 2lbs a week. I don’t really care about lbs either. I just need to get my body fat percentage down to even have a chance at my abs coming back through. To do that, I have to lean up, which means I need to drop some weight. It’s so hard to care in the winter though. I mean, I CARE. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a major priority, but I don’t care enough to make sure I look good in swimwear. That’s what sweatshirts are for. LOL It’ll be easier to stay motivated because I know it’ll actually matter now. I won’t be able to hide under hoodies and jeans unless I want to roast my butt off.

I bought a potty chair for Emerson last week. Oy. I sort of dabbled in it, but I don’t know that he’s ready. He’s more interested in messing around with it than using it. I feel like his speech needs to come through more before I really try. That seems to be the big disconnect. He’s talking a lot more and saying more things, so I don’t think it’ll be long, but I do think it might be a little soon to start. I am so sick of diapers though! I hope it isn’t a major pain to potty train him, though I’ve already prepared myself for the long haul.

Alright, that’s all I have for now. I’m sorry I’m not more interesting! I hope you guys all have a fabulous week!

Xoxo

Ashley

Oh people this is it!!

If anyone is FB friends with me, then you probably already know what I’m about to say. Daycare. Yesterday, I received a call at 4pm notifying me that Emerson had a 101.6 fever and that I needed to come get him. I typically pick him up at 5:15pm daily, so I found that to be pretty funny. The most ironic part about it was the conversation I overheard at drop off. The staff was discussing being out of ratio because the director had jury duty and she wouldn’t make it back by 4pm. Coincidence? I think not. I couldn’t get Emerson that early anyway because I was waiting for the bus, which takes an hour to commute as it is. I was told that he could not come back to the center with the administration of any fever reducer. I was also told that he hadn’t eaten very much and was not participating in playing with the other children.

When I got to the center, I expected to see Em lying on the floor sick with fever. Nope. He was running around having a great time. I took his temperature the second our feet hit the parking lot. 99.6. Really?! Wow, he must have made a miraculous recovery! They are so quick to jump the gun and diagnose. The second a kid has a runny nose, or not behaving to their liking, they immediately whip out the thermometer. It is irritating. Of course the kids are all going to have runny noses. Have they not heard of the daycare drip?! These are trained professionals. They should be able to differentiate between actual illness and the common cold. On top of that, if Emerson had something, he was already contagious well before the onset of a fever. I am just ticked. By all means, ban him/send him home when it’s warranted, but constantly doing this to me unnecessarily is ridiculous. I made sure I sent the director an email and I’ll be calling corporate later.

I have a friend who works in another center that is affiliated with the same chain. She said they are understaffed right now, but having to send their staff to other centers to keep them in ratio. It’s ridiculous! Up staff then per your enrollment!  The problem is most of the enrollment is coming from the staff. The staff gets a major discount, or completely free tuition if they are director level. (one of the directors told me this). I don’t know how these places stay afloat when more than half of the enrollment is  free/discounted. I wouldn’t turn away a paying customer, but then again, they get my money regardless if we’re there, or not. Being honest too, I don’t think it matters what center you go to. I think stuff like this is going to happen regardless. I just think I need to make sure I stand up and say something, so maybe the frequency will be reduced.

My mom’s birthday is on Thursday. I have the day off because I have to go to arbitration for something. I’ll disclose details surrounding that situation after it’s done and over with. I’ve been super secretive about it because I am deathly afraid of giving too much information and potentially incriminating myself, or something. I don’t know how it all works. Anyway, I hope that arbitration doesn’t last too long. It sucks that I have to drive all the way downtown for it. We’re going to brunch afterwards for her birthday. Emerson will be at daycare as long as they don’t try to pull anymore crap on me. We’re doing cake, presents, and dinner at my parent’s house that night though. My sister and I got my mom a charm bracelet with I and E initials for both grandkids, and hearts to separate between. It’s super cute. I almost wanted to take it for myself. I still have to figure out what Emerson is getting her. I better Pinterest something tonight. I’m running out of time. I’m usually not this last minute about things.  Time escapes me.

In other news, I went out on Saturday night with the guy that I wrote about last week. It was really fun. We met up with one of my best friend’s and her boyfriend. My sister kept Emerson for a few hours, so that was nice. My friend really liked the guy and so did my sister. Whew. My sister wasn’t around him very long, but I guess she approved from the little that she saw. We will see what happens though. I think I like to talk myself out of these kinds of things. I’ve caught myself doing it more than once too. I  mean, I have all the reason in the world to be doing that. I self -sabotage like a mother. It just freaks me out beyond belief to like someone, or even think about getting close to anyone. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Let’s friggin hope so.

I’ve been working out like a mother, but eating like crap! Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a grocery list and meal plan all written out though. I just need to actually go to the store and actually get the stuff. I feel like complete crap lately, so it’s just time to lean it out for summer. I can gain it all back after my birthday. LOL Oh how optimistic am I?! It’s just one evil, endless cycle anyway.

Alright. Happy Tuesday, All!!!!!!

I'm in big trouble, mister!

So, I met this guy who I think is absolutely awesome, BUT he found my blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Google is evil. I started it though by googling him first and calling him out on some things that I saw, so I guess it’s only fair, but please, not my blog! I don’t know that he’ll continue to read it, or even go back and read the hundreds of entries that I’ve posted over the last two years.  I’m not that interesting and mostly what I’ve written is just a repeat from a prior day. I truthfully think interest will be lost once he realizes how boring this is.  I’m glad life isn’t more interesting though. If it were, it would probably be in a bad way. I don’t’ need any more bad luck. I’ve got enough already!

I went to the doctor last week, then had some blood work done. The burning skin, migraines, and fogginess are completely gone. I haven’t gotten any results yet though, so who knows if anything will even show up. I’m sleeping a lot better, so I can’t complain at this point. I feel mostly back to normal too. Maybe it was just a fluke? That, or I’m just crazy. I do have to go back for some more bloodwork on Friday morning, but that’s just to check my cholesterol, thyroid, glucose, etc. All routine, but I have to fast, which sucks. My appointment is at 8am, so it shouldn’t be too bad. I’ll only have to starve for a little while.

The early intervention people called to schedule an appointment with us at home on April 23rd at 10am. The woman said this initial meeting would be to go over documentation, and to sign some paperwork. I’m sure she will be eyeing up Emerson looking for red flags. My dog is absolutely insane though. Seriously, she is certifiable, so I have no idea what the hell we’re going to do with her the entire time this woman is at our house. I guess I can just put her in the yard, but the entire time this woman is there, she’s going to be scratching/barking/freaking out for me to let her in, which is so annoying.  I guess we’ll all just have to deal with it, otherwise I can just leave her in the house, but she will definitely be jumping all over this woman until she finally settles down.

I started running again last week. It isn’t the easiest at all. My pace sucks, I feel heavy, and slow. I hope I can get back into the swing of it. It’s been a long winter. I totally feel unconditioned. I need to get my butt in gear though. I can’t believe it’s already April 6th. I was doing so good for the last month, then fell off a bit. Ugh! I know I have time before summer, but I’m just mad at myself for being a little bit too lax on the working out and diet this past week. It’s so hard to get back into it once you stop.

So, I filled out papers last week for child support. Because my ex doesn’t live in this county, I have to go down there to file in person. I haven’t done anything yet. I haven’t even called to make an appointment. I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I do know that it’s complete crap that I go so easy on this guy and have never made him participate at all. Regardless if you want to be involved in your child’s life, you still have to take some accountability. This has been eating away at me lately. I can’t even fully communicate how I feel about it without becoming enraged, so I’ll just leave it at that for now.

Okay, so this guy. Ugh. I know I never write about this stuff because I am so paranoid someone is going to find it. I know this isn’t exactly the hardest thing to find on the internet either, but even still, I want to keep some things private.  Anyway, we’ve only spent a small amount of time together, but he did meet Emerson and I met his kids. Surprisingly, it went well. I’m not really sure what will happen from here, but it’s nice to have met someone that I feel comfortable with, and genuinely makes me smile and happy. I felt like such a cheeseball typing that. It’s so hard for me to express any kind of feelings, or emotion about someone because I’m very guarded. These things tend to backfire in my face, so getting excited is extremely scary for me. I hope I am wrong this time.  If I’m right, I’m hanging it up for a while. I do have a feeling that I might be wrong though and that frightens me beyond words. You always think you’re ready for these things until they happen. I second guessed myself so many times already and I only just met the guy. Something tells me this one might be worth the risk though.

Alright, I have to do about 100 things before I go run this afternoon. Happy Hump day, guys! <3