Sometimes, I really hate myself. I hate that I can be a judgmental mom. I hate moms like that. I really, really do. Everyone has their own way of doing things, which I respect, but what if their way just seems……off? How do you just sit by and witness someone doing something that just doesn’t seem “right”? I’ve been battling this for a while now. I don’t want to get into too much detail, but it has been bugging me lately. It’s so hard to have conversations with people when your mind keeps saying “Is that even right??” I’m just staying in my own corner for now because I’ve had enough this week and can’t take anymore. I don’t claim to know everything. I do what I can and I try to make the best choices, but I think I’m doing okay. I also trust that I have a great circle of people around me who will guide me and tell me if I’m not doing something right. That’s another confusing thing that I don’t understand. If someone in my circle thought I wasn’t doing something right, or I might be off my rocker, they’d tell me. My mom would call me out in a hot second. She might drive me nuts sometimes, but she knows what the hell she is talking about. She wouldn’t let me make stupid choices that would affect Emerson either. I’m also not an ahole, so I don’t have to rely on other people to tell me if I’m effing up, but if I was, I know they’d tell me. I know I am being VERY cryptic and that’s annoying, but I had to at least rant on a small level even if it makes sense to no one, but me. My forehead is sore from raising my eyebrow all week with a WTF? Look on my face!
My phone should arrive tonight! I cannot wait! My mom’s cell phone sucks. She needs a new one so badly. I used it as my alarm last night. That turned out to be a damn nightmare. I set the alarm for 4:30am. The alarm went off, so I hit snooze. It rang again at 04:40am, so I hit snooze, and went back to sleep. A little while later, I woke up and looked at the phone. I thought to myself, “Wow, it’s only 4:41am. I still have some time to sleep” I go back to sleep. I wake up again, look at the clock, and think to myself “No way it’s still 4:41am! It’s so light out” Yep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The phone froze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gah! I was in a panic. I woke up at 5:58am, which is the time we are typically LEAVING the house. FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I ended up being a little bit late to work, but I was running around like a real ahole this morning. While I was running around downstairs, I heard Emerson scream out. It almost sounded like he said “HEY”, but it was more gibberish than anything. I ran upstairs and saw him standing in my room like, “Yo, moms. What’s all the fuss?” I literally cracked up. I guess you had to be there.
I still have no idea what we’re doing for Mother’s Day. I wish the spray park was open this weekend. It doesn’t open up until May 30th. On Saturday, I’d like to do a photo shoot with Emerson. I was thinking we could do it early when he’s most happy. I can wake up and set it up before he gets up for the day. I want to do a lemonade stand shoot for summer time. I don’t know how it’ll turn out, but I pinned some ideas and found some cute stuff, so I’ll give it a try. I’m not going all out with props, or anything either. I found something pretty simple that gets the point across enough without going overboard.
Alright. I guess that’s all I have for now. I hope everyone has a fabulous day!
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