Day #4 into carbing down and I feel great. I was a little rundown yesterday, but I didn’t drink nearly enough water, so I’m sure that was a huge contributing factor. I’ll rectify that today. I measured my waist yesterday. I lost an inch from it. I’m officially back to where I was and maybe even a little better off than where I was before camp. It only took me three days too, which isn’t too bad. It certainly takes a good amount of dedication to carb down, but I prepped all of my food, so I had no excuse. On Saturday morning, I’m rewarding all of my hard work with banana oatmeal pancakes. I haven’t had fruit ALL week, so I cannot wait to have some banana! Em will love it too. Bananas are his favorite food.
I’ve been taking a much different approach with Emerson this week. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday have been a lot more stress-free. I find myself less frustrated, and raising my voice less and less. He is insanely wild, which is typical toddler behavior. He’s into every and anything, which isn’t always the safest. I find myself saying “No” way too much. It drives me insane! This week, instead of saying just “No”, or “stop”, or “Don’t do that”, I’ve been trying to re-direct his attention to other things. I also explain why something is dangerous, etc. Before, I’d just tell him to stop, and that would be it. Now, I come down to eye level, and I really try to explain it. I know he knows what I’m saying. He always makes this pouty face like he’s in trouble. Well, you can’t throw your shoes in the oven. I mean, come on now. I have to correct that. I’ve been reading up so much on how to react to tantrums, etc too. I don’t want to feed into it too much because it really drives me nuts. I don’t want him freaking out anytime he wants something. Then, when I give it to him, he thinks that’s how things go. I don’t think so. So, I’ve been telling him that I can’t understand him unless he talks to me in his regular, nice voice. It doesn’t initially work. We usually have a 5 to 10 minute struggle of him flipping out, but he eventually calms down. Usually, he’s flipping out because he wants a snack, or a drink. Well, there is a normal way to ask for things. You don’t have to freak out and cry to get it. I feel a lot less frustrated this week though. It’s saving my sanity a bit. I’m just trying to teach him to communicate with me better. He can’t form full words yet, so it’s a struggle for him. I’m sure it pisses him off not being able to just tell me what he wants, or needs. There has to be a better way than throwing yourself all over the floor like an insane person. We only get to spend about 2 hours together in the evenings before bath, and bedtime, so I just want to make it more enjoyable all around. It shouldn’t be filled with “don’t do this” or “Stay away from that”. He’s learning boundaries, etc now, so obviously that’ll be a part of our evenings, but handling it differently, so it isn’t consuming us is my goal. So far, so good! At the same time, I’m teaching myself some patience, which is not easy after a long day already. It’s just me at home though, so I need to have some order in my house. A toddler cannot be ruling the roost. LOL
I haven’t really spoken to my mom all week either. We got into a little tiff on Monday, which was so stupid. I accidentally had my Shakeology delivered to my parent’s house, so I went over on Monday to pick it up. My sister and I were both out of Shakeology, so we had none to bring to the cabin with us. My mom had a couple of packets that’s he didn’t drink, so she offered them to us. She has not been using the 21 day fix program for about 3 weeks. Even when she was, she’d never drink her Shakeology, so she’d leave it sit there to go to waste unless we drank it. Anyway, when I went to pick mine up, she said “Are you going to pay me back for the two chocolate shakes you took?” I look at her with serious crazy eyes. I said “You aren’t using the program, and you don’t even drink them, so no!” She basically freaked out, told me I have no sense of humor, and that she was just joking. She was not joking. Who would even joke about that? There are far more funny things in the world to make a joke about. It was beyond absurd. She’s on thin ice with me anyway because she has yet to apologize to me from her little stunt two weeks ago. So, before I left, she told me that she can’t stand me and all of this rude stuff. Really? I didn’t say anything back to her. I don’t care if you birthed me. Do not talk to me like that. She’s just mad that she fell off the wagon with her program and she feels like crap about it, so she’s blaming me. It’s ridiculous. Because I fired back at her, I’m sure she expects ME to apologize to her. It’s just unreal and I am sick of her shit. I really am just so sick and tired of her. She needs to get her shit together because it’s not right. We have no plans to go over there because I just can’t handle the negativity and the level of crazy she emits. I don’t want Emerson around that. I don’t know what her deal is, but I just cannot take it anymore. After her behavior a couple of weeks ago, I am just done. We came around enough to go camping, but I barely talked to her the entire time. When I do talk to her, it isn’t NORMAL like it was before her big ol’ outburst. It’s very general. I fully understand why my older sister doesn’t come around. She’s off living her life and being happy. I’m trying to slowly disassociate ourselves enough to where it’s like that too. Where I am not obligated to come around all of the time because it’s what SHE expects. She thinks I owe her the sun and moon, when I don’t owe her shit.
She knows where we live too, so ifs he wanted to see Emerson that badly, she’d drive over. She literally works 5 minutes away from our house too. She NEVER swings by on her way home. We visit my parents ONE time a week for about 1 to 2 hours AT MOST. Sometimes, we don’t even visit for that long. My dad gets super annoyed with how rambunctious Emerson is, so it isn’t even worth it for us to be around all like that. We go until he starts irritating him too badly, then we leave. It’s not even worth the 15 minute drive. Their house is not toddler proofed at all. They expect him to go into their house and not touch anything. Well, then start coming to our house where he isn’t so damn restricted. I love my parents to death, but they’re just bugging me so much lately. I can’t deal with it. While we were at camp, my dad threatened to go home because Emerson was crying and having a tantrum. What?! How the hell did you raise three kids?! My dad will apologize though. That’s the difference between he and my mom. Okay, I’ll stop ranting about this, but it is really bugging me! I don’t have that many people in my life, so the ones that are in it, need to get it together.
Alright, I’m going to eat my pumpkin pie oatmeal, which is the only carb I get for the day. It tastes so delicious, so I want to savor it. I have to finish up a lot of work, then head to the gym. Have a great day, all!
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