So much has happened this weekend. I don’t even know where to begin. My sister and nephew moved in with me. Apparently, my sister’s boyfriend has been physically abusing her for the last two years. He snapped out on Saturday night and actually did it in front of his entire family. Luckily, his family reacted and held him back from really hurting my sister. He’s pretty banged up from being thrown into a wall though. She said he’s been choking her to the point of not being able to breathe for about two years. He has pulled a gun, and knife on her as well. I am pretty speechless. We never liked him, but I didn’t think he was doing this to her. She has always been so secretive about their relationship, so I really shouldn’t be surprised, but it doesn’t make it any easier to digest.
On Saturday night, she came to my house around 11pm. My nephew was sleeping at my parent’s house, so he wasn’t with her at the time. It’s just insane. So, they moved in yesterday. We went to her house and got some things too. It’s a little unnerving that they aren’t staying at my parent’s house. My parents have a three bedroom home. 2 bedrooms are not being used right now. Well, that’s half true. They are in the middle of redecorating. One bedroom is a man cave for my dad. The second room is for my mom. She just painted and had new hardwood laid down. I know she absolutely does not want to give her space up to my sister/nephew. My dad would in a heartbeat. My mom is just like that though. She isn’t making them feel welcomed back enough for them to even want to stay there. She was so happy when they moved out. She didn’t hide her enjoyment at all, so that has stuck with my sister this last year. My sister moved in with her fiancé mainly because of my mom. My mom makes comments all of the time about wanting her house back and that her children are grown, so they shouldn’t be at her house. Valid point, but you can’t forget things that someone said, especially that. Anyway, my mom kept saying “Thank you, Ash” and “You’re so awesome” Right. I’m so awesome because no one had to inconvenience you. My sister and nephew are sleeping on an air mattress in my basement. If they were at my parent’s house, they’d have full bedrooms again, with actual beds. My mom weakly offered them the space, but it wasn’t genuine.
I don’t know how this will turn out. It’s pretty frightening for me. I live my life in a very scheduled manner. My child needs to have rules, boundaries, and consistency. Brittany is not like that with Isaiah, who is 11. He eats when and what he wants, and he does what he wants. That isn’t okay in my eyes, especially the eating thing. Every 3 minutes yesterday, he was asking for something to eat, or just grabbing food. It was absolutely baffling. We need to put a stop to that. I don’t starve my child, but we have meal times. If you’re hungry in between, a small snack is sufficient if it isn’t too close to meal time. You can’t just eat, and eat. That’s how you go broke. Kids will just eat if you let them. I feel he eats out of boredom too. I have a big feeling we’re going to fight about this. I can’t and won’t allow it though. Yesterday, I made dinner. It was done around 4:08pm. I said we’d eat at 5pm. My nephew looked at me and said “Well, why?” I didn’t even have a response. My real reasoning was that it would be later in the evening and spaced enough apart before bedtime, so that I could give Em a snack before bath time. Anyway, my nephew says “Well, I want mine now”. I wasn’t about to argue with him. I mean, at least it was real food, right? So, I said okay. He grabs a big plate and brings it into the backyard. Come on. That isn’t what I meant. If you want to eat now, fine, but please do it in the dining room. Emerson ran right over. He had just eaten a small snack, so I knew he’d be okay until 5pm. Instead of arguing, because I knew it would be a fight, I said “Fine, let’s all just eat now”. He ended up wasting it and then saying he was hungry 45 minutes later. Britt said “Well you wasted your spaghetti” His response, “Well, I wasn’t that hungry when I was eating it” I saw red. I said nothing, but come on!! Had he waited until 5pm, he would have been more hungry and wasted less. Now, he wasted dinner, then ate more food right after. I refuse to live that way. I am not kidding. I can’t do it. An 11 year old is not going to start dictating me. I just know Britt will feel offended, but I’m sorry. No. Stay out of the cupboard. She will thank me later when she’s living alone and needs to ration out food. I let it go yesterday because it was the first day. I don’t want him to be embarrassed to say he’s hungry, or ask for something, but at the same time, come on. You have to have some self-control. That’s our job as parents. We need to set some boundaries. He has absolutely none.
There was only one other thing that bothered me that I can see being a potential issue. My nephew has a way of just making himself too comfortable. I have no problem with them staying in my basement, but that means my workout space is gone. I can workout in the livingroom though, no problem. My nephew took over my living room too. I understand there isn’t cable in the basement, but he has a television down there with an xbox that can play movies too. They did not have cable television at their house, so he isn’t used to watch television anyway. Around 815pm, I told him I had a show on at 830. Evenings are my kid-free time and I don’t want to give that up. I really don’t. I know it sounds mean, but you’re 11. You can go downstairs and play your xbox, or watch a movie for the evening. You’ve ran all over this house, yard, and television all day. It’s MY turn. He asks me if he can watch my show with me. Well, it was “I am cait”. I didn’t know if that really was even appropriate for him to be watching. Plus, I just wanted to watch it with myself, or just with Britt. I have ONE couch in my livingroom. It’s not very big, so I didn’t feel like being squeezed on there and all uncomfortable. She says it’s okay if h watches. He sprawls on the couch and Britt sits on the other end. Isaiah really says to me “Where are you going to sit, Ash” Listen, I’ve worked so very hard for my house, and all of my belongings. I understand he is only 11 and has no tact, but my sister does. She should have spoken up and told him to go downstairs, or to sit on the floor. I was just beyond offended. I said, “I guess I’ll squeeze in somewhere” It’s not right. It really is not. I refuse to deal with that every evening too. I am making it a point to say something. Around 830pm, he needs to get ready for bed, have a snack, then go down to his room. I know it sounds rude/mean, but I don’t care. She allows him to stay up until well after 10pm on school nights. I don’t even know how to convey that to him. I love you, but I need time away from you right now. If everyone would respect space, we’d get along fine. The problem is they don’t get that. After my show, he said “can you put my movie back on?” It was pretty annoying. I got to sit uncomfortably on my couch for about 40 minutes. I ended up going to bed at 9pm. Again, my sister didn’t speak up at all, but if I said no, he’d have an attitude, then she’d say something crazy like “Isaiah. Shut up! This isn’t our house, so deal with it” No, that isn’t my point. My point is, you’ve watched t.v. all day long. It’s adult time now. Go off on your own, and leave the adults alone. That’ll be a challenge for me.
I need to stick to my guns though. It is my home. I’ve given up a lot more than I’ve gotten back. She is using my car every day to take Isaiah to school, and herself to work. That is frightening. My brand new vehicle. Daycare is 3 blocks from our house, so she took me up to drop Em off this morning, then I walked across the street and waited for the bus. It sucked because I had to wait on the side of the highway for 15 minutes in the cold with a dress on. Usually, I’m in the car at the park n ride until the bus gets there. I am sacrificing a lot though, so I think the least the two of them can do is to obey my small set of rules, and respect some evening space. I just don’t know how to SAY that. I wish she’d just have a talk with Isaiah to tell him what is expected of him, and then correct him when he’s falling out of line. I will try my hardest to verbalize this, but I think not being honest is a bad idea. Nothing can be fixed if it isn’t put out there to begin with. I am not picking on her son either. He told me yesterday that he absolutely loves that Emerson and I do stuff all of the time, and it’s nice to get out of the house. All we did was play in the yard, then we took a walk up to the ballfield, then let the boys run around for a while. It was pretty simple, but he isn’t used to doing things like that. He is used to playing his xbox all day. Britt even said it was nice to see him running around outside. That made me happy. I definitely think it can be a good situation if some guidelines are followed. I already know they hate that they have to be extremely quiet when Emerson goes to bed. That’ll be a sore spot. It was when we went camping for two days. Well, there is no way around that. I won’t tolerate excessive noise that might wake Emerson up after I put him down. I’m the one that will have to deal with it. I’m not okay with that at all. I said to my sister last night that around 745pm-8pm he needs to be winding down anyway, so being excessively loud, running around, etc shouldn’t even be occurring anyway. I don’t tiptoe around my house, but I do go out of the way to not slam doors, or bang cupboards, etc.
She is going to get a car with her income tax. She has already proven to herself that she can pay bills, so once she has a car, it should be okay. I hope that is the case. I do not want to live like this forever. I love my sister, and nephew, but I have a very specific way of living. I need my kid to grow up well balanced, and happy. My sister and nephew are some of the most miserable people I’ve ever met. Being beaten up for 2 years will do that to a person, but my nephew feeds off of my sister’s energy too. I know she wants to live by herself. She feels like a failure that she even had to move back in with someone, so that feeling just makes her even more miserable. I just cannot have my child living in a cloud of negativity. I just cannot have it. I hope that we can make this work until she has stability of her own. I hope being out of that environment allows them to be happy again. She can’t stay with me forever though. I don’t want to be mean. Once she gets a car, she can move in with my parents if need be. The reason she’s staying with me is because my schedule allows for her to be able to take my car. My mom and dad’s schedule do not allow for that. I feel like she only stayed with her ex because she could use his car. It’s sad that a car basically dictates your life, but I fully understand it. I think once she has a car, it’ll be a lot easier.
Alright, I am going to cut this now and go for a run.
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