Mummy has some decisions to make

I started to let myself dwell a little on the tax situation, which I don’t want to do. I’m just faced with such tough decisions now. We are getting a bonus at work next Friday. I’m hoping it’s a decent amount of money. Here is the issue. My car is due for inspection by April 1^st.  What do I do?! Do I just pay to have it inspected and pocket the rest of my bonus and just wait to get a new car whenever I get my tax money? I don’t know what my car will need to pass. I don’t know if it’ll be a lot, or a little. I guess I can try to get it inspected first, see how much it’ll cost me, and go from there. It’s either that, or do I take my bonus and my car to get a new car. The only issue is I’ll be extremely strapped for money if I have a car payment. My income tax was going to cover my monthly car payment, so that I could have the luxury of a new car without being so poor. Even with the two raises I just got, I don’t think I’d even have enough to cover something like that. Plus, it’s putting me in ALMOST semi-normalcy to where I can breathe a little. I don’t want to take that away from myself. Perhaps just paying for my car to be inspected, continuing to drive it, and waiting for the refund is my best bet. At least at that point, I can use some of my bonus to get some things for Emerson that I typically couldn’t buy. I don’t mean buying a playhouse, or anything like that either. I’ll have to put those ideas on the back burner for a while. I’m comfortable with that though. I just want to be able to buy an entire gallon of milk without worry. That sounds so stupid, but I always buy half gallons now in case we end up needing something else with that money. I’m so meager with everything I do. I’m really, really good with money and pretty thrifty when it comes to mostly anything, so I think that’s why it never looks like we suffer so much. I’ll tell you what, it has been a long ass winter. I can’t wait to be able to play outside. At least that’s free. I’m sorry to talk about this so much, everyone. It just eats me up so much inside sometimes. I try my fucking hardest to provide. I’m doing a damn good job too, but not without so much worry and angst over every single penny. Literally, every penny hurts to spend. It hurts my heart to not be able to take Emerson anywhere. We do the same thing every week. Work and daycare. We go home. We eat dinner, play, and go to bed. There is never anything spontaneous. I can never just run through the drive thru, or order pizza if I don’t feel like cooking. It might not seem like that big of a deal to you guys, but it hurts my heart. I can’t just take him to the store to buy a toy, or out for ice cream randomly. We are just in the house all of the time unless we are visiting my parents. This weekend, I’ve budgeted to get Emerson some new shoes and to take him for frozen yogurt. I’m so excited. Again, I realize how small this sounds, but to me it is huge. I know Emerson will grow up appreciating all of the small things I was able to do for him, but it just hurts sometimes. On top of that, I get bored too! Doing small things is as much for me as it is for him.

 

I will say this much though. Emerson is so happy. He is a cheerful, silly, playful little guy. I really pride myself on not being down around him, or worrying around him because I never want him to feel that stress, or negativity over lack of funds. We have a great time together at home even if it’s just me letting him chase me around, or randomly hiding from him and popping out from a secret hiding spot. He’s a great kid with such a wonderful personality. His smile is incredible and absolutely melts me every time he beams one at me! He’s allowing me to relive my childhood again and I appreciate that so much. There is never a dull moment even if I’m feeling bored with our same routine. I always find a way to make things fun. I have that type of playful personality too.

 

I feel a lot better after being able to get all of my thoughts out surrounding this. Alright, I have my annual review in 12 minutes. Pray that it’s good, k?! This affects my raise!