Mummy is 31 today!

Well, today is my 31st birthday. So much has changed over the last year. It's funny to sit and think how freaked out I was to turn 30, yet everything was so much easier back then. I'm not saying that things are awful now at all. Things are harder now, but in a good way. Emerson is the best gift I could have ever received. He lights up my entire world with his smile. He is so adorable and becomes more amazing to me everyday. I couldn't imagine starting another year of my life without my little man.

Last year at this time, I was in the Caribbean with Emerson's father. I remember being really bummed out over not being with my friends and family on my 30th birthday. I kept that to myself because I didn't want to put a damper on our vacation. I did sense that something was missing from our relationship. I wasn't entirely happy and I only stuck with him because I paid for the vacation already. I think he and I were both holding on because we knew we couldn't get our money back. I wasn't really interested in him and I don't think he viewed me as someone he wanted to be with long-term. At the same time, we both kind of knew I was pregnant. I had taken a test, but it came back negative. We had planned on taking another test when we returned from vacation, which we did. Yes, it was positive. Just because you become pregnant by someone doesn't mean that you have to stay with them and be unhappy. My mum told me that early on when we found out I was pregnant. She could tell I was miserable with him. He was very arrogant and selfish. It wasn't that apparent when I initially met him because we were both still living our own lives. When I became pregnant, we tried merging our lives more into one, which is when I realized how obnoxiously unfunny he really was. He was so into himself and I absolutely could not stand it. It was even more annoying because he wasn't really that attractive, yet he walked around like he was God's gift to the world because he had lost a little weight. He made me feel like he was MY arm candy. Being pregnant, I already didn't feel that great about myself, so he made it worse. Looking back now, it makes me giggle. I mean, really? THAT guy made ME feel less about myself?? It's hysterical when I think about it now, but pregnancy hormones will get you every time. Anyway, I was meaning to reflect on my 30th birthday, not him. It's unfortunate he's apart of the memory. I remember he was REALLY over the top annoying that day too. RIDICULOUSLY over the top. He always has to be the loudest and funniest person in the room. Randomly talking to strangers and making people feel uncomfortable. All I could think all day was "Please, shut the fuck up!"

My birthday this year is A LOT more peaceful. The baby and I slept in a bit and then I took him to daycare. I'm having a complete Ashley day. I made myself breakfast and snuggled on the couch with the pup as we caught up on our shows. Now, I'm getting ready to shower, do hair and make-up, go tanning, and then pick my sister up to go and get ice cream. I'm grabbing Emerson from daycare around 4:45pm and then going home to have dinner with him. I've been the energizer bunny since Emerson was born, so taking the day off of work and mommyhood was my gift to myself. As much as I love the little guy, sometimes you have to take care of yourself and give yourself a rest. No big bar birthday, or drinking adventures this year. Just complete relaxation, which sounds absolutely amazing to me. Well, aside from having to pump every three hours. hahaha. I'm still a mommy even on my off days!!!!

We had a birthday cookout with cake and presents yesterday, which we always incorporate into Memorial Day because of how close the two usually fall. It was so nice being in the yard, laying out, and hanging with my parents. My sister was traveling from Kentucky that day, so she didn't get home until about 5:30pm. My mom, dad, Emerson, the dogs, and I cooked out though and hung in the yard. It was so nice. My nephew came over around mid afternoon. We waited until my sister got home to sing happy birthday. I got the kitchen items I asked for and a Giant Eagle gift card. Whew. I can save the money I was going to spend on groceries this week! Emerson even got me a card! So adorable, yet so hilarious! By the time Emerson, Kodie, and I got home last night, they were pooped! Emerson snoozed for about an hour and so did Kodie. I sat outside until Em decided to wake up, so we could do bath. My friend sent me adorable lawn lights to ward off skunks for my birthday, so sitting outside isn't so scary anymore. The entire yard lights up so nicely. They are absolutely adorable and I couldn't be more appreciative of him sending those to me.

I guess I'll end this now and just blog separately about the rest of my Memorial Day weekend. If I don't, this will be extra long!!