Emerson has been quite sick for days. I took him to the doctors on Saturday just to make sure that things were okay. I didn’t want to let his cold linger on and risk it turning into something more serious. The doctor told me that he is handling it well and as long as he is chowing down and latching with no issues, to let him continue processing his cold and letting it take its course. I was so hesitant to take him to daycare yesterday. In case they decided to send him home early, I worked from home. I love having this option. Yes, I still send him to daycare when I work from home, but if I didn’t there is no way I’d ever accomplish anything. Between breastfeeding and just seeing his cute face, I’d be so distracted. My work would suffer. Considering I just received a promotion, I don’t want to rock the boat and jeopardize my role in my new department. When I picked him up, he was as happy as a clam and seemed world’s better. Whew. What a sign of relief! I’m hoping as the days go by, he is coughing less and less. If I notice that he isn’t significantly better by Thursday, we’ll be making another trip to the pediatrician. Thursday marks a week that he will be sick. A girl I work with has a daughter that is two days younger than Emerson. She was sick for the last two weeks and just found out she has a sinus infection. My friend though her daughter just had a cold, but after two weeks of being sick, she knew something wasn’t right. She’s now on antibiotics. I don’t want to make Emmie suffer that long, so we’ll be calling the doctor if I don’t see a significant change by Thursday! I am pretty sick myself with a sore throat. It sucks, but I’m dealing with it. I feel a lot better than I did over the weekend, so I think I’m on the mend too.
After I was done working yesterday, I went grocery shopping and home to put everything away before I picked up Emerson. I should be good until I get paid on the 16th. I have enough stuff to make a couple of bulk dinners, soup and crackers for lunch, waffles/oatmeal for breakfast, and granola bars for snacks. On top of that, I still have so much stuff that my parents bought me last weekend. I do need to get dog food though. Kodie is nearly out. I’d make a mental note, but with this mom brain, I’ll probably forget! I should just write it on the back of my hand now…This is me not writing it on my hand-LOL.
We have such a nice weekend ahead of us, so I hope we are both feeling better. On Friday night, Emerson is staying with his grandma for two hours. I plan on putting him to sleep around 8pm before I head out for a much needed Girl’s Night that my sister orchestrated. I’m only going out until 10:30pm. If he continues on the same schedule that we’ve had for the past month, or so, he should stay asleep until about 11:00pm before he wakes and needs to be fed again. He might even stay down until about 11:30pm. Anyway, I figure two hours is enough time for me to go out, socialize with the girls a bit, have one drink, and head back home before he wakes. It should be a pretty low maintenance baby-sitting job for my mum. I don’t plan on staying there overnight though. We are heading home after that. I’d bring the dog with me, so that we could just have a slumber party there, but I’m more than sure my mum would complain about this. Asking her to watch the baby is already pushing it. I’m sure adding the dog into the mix would drive her to say no to both. I’m hoping that by the time we get home, I can just feed him and put him right back to sleep. This is why I don’t rock the boat, or do anything outside of work and errands. I am so petrified that neither of us will get any sleep! It’s been 3.5 months since I’ve done anything social outside of meeting with other mommies, family members, etc. I’m not even sure that I’ll enjoy the “bar scene”, but it’ll be nice to hang out with some girlfriends for a couple of hours. I’m already having separation anxiety over leaving Emerson. I think that’s why I am only going when he’s asleep. I know I already wouldn’t be missing out on anything because he would be sleeping even if I were there. I am such a weirdo! I love my boy though!
On Saturday, We have my Aunt Kathy’s surprise 50th birthday party. I hope the weather is nice! I am so excited! It’ll be fun to introduce Emerson to a lot of his family members that he hasn’t met yet. On top of that, I can bring a bottle of breastmilk with me! We went to the mall on Sunday. I pumped a little ahead, so I was able to stock pile a bottle to use at my disposal. He actually took a bottle from me at the mall! This is so exciting! I am now two bottles ahead, so I have some to spare for Saturday! Yay! I don’t have to limit my time out, or hide in the car to breastfeed him! I am wary to breastfeed around kids because they ask too many questions, so I usually have to leave early, or retreat to the backseat. It’ll be nice to hang out with everyone AND feed my little dude! Side bar, Aunt Kathy, if you read my blog, shut your eyes, so that your surprise party isn’t ruined! (I doubt she reads this!)
Sunday is mother’s day! Scratch that, Sunday is my FIRST Mother’s day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so freaking excited! I had the most adorable t-shirt and onesie made for Emerson and I to wear! Below is a picture. I hope that he at least keeps it neat enough for us to take one picture together. I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that I get the honor of celebrating mother’s day. It’s super cool! We’re going to my parent’s house for brunch and then to the park to play. The weather should be relatively nice, so it’ll be good for us to get out and get some fresh air.
Other than that, we don’t have much scheduled this week. Just more of the same. Work, daycare, household chores, taking care of the pup, and lots of smiles and giggles! Last night, we had two different tummy time sessions. Emerson is so close to rolling over! It’s killing me!!!!!!!!!!!! I literally took 15 different videos thinking I’d eventually capture him rolling all the way over. He can roll from his belly to his side and his back to his side. I’m still waiting for him to get that extra boost of energy that flips him all the way over. He was so close last night! We are going to keep working on it though. Tonight might be the night! I found these HILARIOUS nursery rhyme raps! I swear, they are so good. I even start bopping my head to them and memorizing some of the words. We’ve been listening to a lot of those lately. They are pretty cute! It’s a change from country, which is all Emerson and I really listen to these days.
I bought two more hanging plants yesterday to go with the hanging plant my sister bought me on Monday! It looks so adorable. Let’s hope I can keep both alive. I really want to plant some flowers too, but I don’t want them to take years to blossom. I googled and found a few that will flower up in about 70 days, so I’m going to try my luck with those. If I plant them soon, they’ll bloom by the August. We can enjoy them for a little while before it gets cold again.
Alright, that’s about all I have to offer today. I’m really glad I decided to not chuck my entire blog out of the window. I don’t think it’s fair that something that makes me so happy be taken away from me. Emerson and I are doing so well, we are settled, in a routine, and happy. I just want people to respect that and understand that it isn’t my doing for the way that things are right now. I didn’t make these decisions, nor do I encourage them to continue. All I can do is look out for my son to ensure that he has the best life ever and all the opportunities in the world. I’m doing a great job, so there is no reason to check on me behind the scenes. I can assure everyone that being a mother is the proudest job I’ve ever had and I can’t even begin to describe what a privilege it is to be Emerson’s mummy. He is such a happy little boy and a morning person just like his mama. When I drop him at daycare, he is always so silly and ready to play. I don’t want to have to waste an ounce of headspace on anything outside of Emerson and our life together. If someone chose to not be a part of this experience, then that is their decision. It isn’t my responsibility to force anyone in. I do my part with updates and pictures, but aside from that, I am good. I get to be a mother and other parties get to continue living their lives freely without the responsibility. If both mother and father are okay with this, then I think others just need to respect it. We are doing fine on our own and I take care of everything. I don’t ask for anything either. I’ve come to terms with my situation. I know that probably seems hard to believe. I do have bitter feelings sometimes, but that’s because I think Emerson deserves the world. As a whole, I settled those feelings a long time ago. It’s other people that want me to continue being upset. Sometimes you just have to accept things and move on. I learned that when I was in therapy at 6 months pregnant. I have enough resolution in my life to know that I am a strong woman, a great mother, and I can do this on my own. At the point where I am ready, I know I’ll meet a great guy that will actually WANT to be a father to Emerson. Until that time, he has all he needs in me. With that said, I wish others would move on. I’ve let the negativity go and I’ve let everyone off the hook. At this point, they need to find peace and solace in their decisions and let me be. Maybe there is guilt on that side of the fence. For a long time, I believe I was being erroneously blamed. Let it go. I’m not looking for an apology either. It’s a little too late for that….
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