So, with Father’s Day right around the corner, there has been a lot of buzz surrounding it recently. In my mommy group, I put up a few suggestions of adorable DIY gifts for the other moms to have their kids make. Emerson and I are going to make some of these adorable gifts for my dad. When I put these ideas up in my mommy group, there were some negative comments from single moms who are in the same position that I am in. I tried to be positive, but I still do have some bitter feelings deep inside….
It absolutely disgusts me that Emerson’s father will be celebrating father’s day and taking pride in the role as “dad”. Yes, he is a father to his other son, but if you aren’t going to be a father to ALL of your children, then I don’t think you should even pride yourself enough to celebrate. No, you do not deserve to celebrate that day. In my eyes, being a parent is a privilege. You don’t deserve the privilege, or even the title as “father” If you’re going to half ass it.
I can’t wrap my mind around the thought that he’s going to wake up that day feeling so proud to be a dad and excited that he is supposed to be celebrated that day. I just can’t resolve those feelings. I try so hard to envision how he feels about missing out on Emerson’s life BY CHOICE. I can’t ever get myself there. I guess if you avoid and pretend something doesn’t exist, then it’s just a lot easier to be able to deal with the fact that you are a piece of shit. Sorry for my candidness, but it’s hard to sugarcoat situations like this.
Does he walk around thinking about what Emerson looks like and what is personality is? Does he ever feel bad about himself for making such a heinous choice? I guess I just NEED so badly to hear that he feels like a discrepant piece of shit. If I was on my death bed and could have ONE wish, it would honestly be for him to admit that he is a sucky person and he did this on purpose because he is a piece of shit. (Sorry for the redundancy) .
I know A LOT of single mothers feel this way. We don’t WANT these men in our lives. We are doing amazing on our own and are prideful at the strides we make every day as single parents. I couldn’t be more proud of myself. I am taking on the hardest job I’ve ever been handed and I couldn’t be happier. I take every day as it comes and I actually do it with a smile on my face. I am so appreciative of this role. It honestly brings me to tears when I think about being handed such an amazing gift. The sad part is all of that is NOT enough to take away the fact that I want an answer: Do you feel like a piece of shit every day?
I feel like his punishment should be to feel awful about himself. To never REALLY smile because you know you are a no-good piece of shit. Even on the sunniest, most beautiful day, I feel that his punishment should only be to feel darkness. His soul should be suffocated by the horrible decision that he’s made every day. He should experience no sense of joy, or laughter either. If you take all of that and mix it together, it probably still won’t equate to the awful way Emerson will feel one day when he finds out his dad wanted nothing to do with him. Add that into the fact that he has a brother 10 years his senior that his dad actually does associate with. “Emerson, you weren’t good enough, but your brother was” Of course, I would NEVER say it to him in this manner, but I’m sure he will resolute the situation into those words.
I may not speak of this very often, or show my true feelings regarding this situation, but I do think it is such bullshit when the topic of Father’s Day is brought up. He is such a boastful individual. I know he’ll be bragging about his son and what great plans he has for those two on that “special” day. I almost had to barf as I typed that. I’m glad I got all of that out. It needed to be said, so that I could clear my mind to actually celebrate a REAL father, my dad!
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