I started taking my prenatal vitamin again. I shouldn’t have ever stopped taking it, especially since I’m breastfeeding. I just got lazy with it and seemed to forget. Plus, I left them at my parent’s house and kept forgetting to grab them when I visited. Today will be day three of taking them. It might seem a bit premature, but I already feel better. I had this awful, tired feeling last week that I couldn’t shake. I just didn’t feel well. I didn’t feel sick like I had a cold, or flu. I just felt extremely fatigued. The baby is taking most of my nutrients. With how little I am eating at times, I’m not replenishing what I need for myself. My mantra is I can’t take care of him if I don’t take care of myself, so back to the prenatals it is! I’m hoping the extra vitamins make me feel less deathly. I lost 2 more lbs. I was 116. I’m down to 114. It’s actually probably less than that. I weighed myself after I ate and with clothes on. I’m probably sitting somewhere around 113lbs. I used to have to KILL myself to ever be this low. I’m not complaining because it certainly is nice, but I do look sloppy and weird because my clothes are all swimming on me. Before I got pregnant, I’d usually fall somewhere between 124-130lbs. If I really killed myself, I could get down to around 120-122lbs. That was always a struggle to stay that low though. There were times in my life where I’d diet and be very strict and I’d be able to get down to 118lbs, but it never lasted very long. I’d always sky rocket right back up to 125. This is very strange. I used to think it would be awesome to weigh this little, but now I am so petrified to become even thinner. I don’t look disgusting, or anything, but because I know my body, it is extremely weird. The baby fell asleep on my chest last night and it was absolutely disgusting feeling his head on my bony collarbone! It actually hurt me to have him lying on top of me. So, I just hope the prenatal gives me what I am missing, makes me feel better, and I hope that I just stay at this weight. I don’t want to lose anymore. I definitely don’t want to end up gaining a bunch either though! I can’t talk about this with any of my mom friends because I realize how absolutely annoying it is. A lot of my friends that had babies aren’t having this struggle. I think they are experiencing quite the opposite. Figuring out how to lose the weight and how to find time to do it. I’m sure it is very annoying to see me who just had a baby lose all of this weight so quickly. To hear about me complaining about the quick weight loss will probably get me smacked, so I’ll just post my thoughts about it here and keep my mouth shut!
Emerson sat by himself last night! Absolutely adorable! He’s been trying to pull himself up. We aren’t quite there yet, but when I sit him up the floor, he can hang out without being propped up. It’s more of a hunched over seated position, but I am so proud of my baby. He is growing and learning so quickly. Such a proud mom moment. He turned 5 months old yesterday too, so it was neat to celebrate him sitting solo and turning 5 months. I made sure I got numerous videos and many, many pictures. It makes me sad to see how quickly he is growing. I always thought it was so cliché when people would mention how quickly the time goes and to cherish it now. It’s true. It goes by so quickly. As much as I love watching him grow and discover new things (he can grab his toes now too), it makes me want to cry. I wanted him to get out of the infancy stage so badly because of how demanding it was, but now, I’d absolutely love to go back to maternity leave when he was just a newborn. I just wish I could go back with the knowledge I have now! haha Now wouldn’t that make life easier?!
I feel like time is going entirely too quickly. It makes me immediately start thinking about my future and having more kids. I really hope that I have the opportunity again someday to give Emerson a brother, or a sister. I love our little family, but I definitely wouldn’t mind expanding it. Obviously, I’d like to do it a much different way next time. It would be a godsend to meet an actual decent person. The problem with that is I never give myself the opportunity. I turn down every invitation now because I’m not ready. I think it’s okay to not be ready. My priorities are different and I don’t have time to dedicate to another person right now. I don’t want to and I don’t feel like it. I swear, I’ve been through it all and I just don’t want to end up with another asshole. I don’t ever want to expose Emerson to that, so I’m just hanging back and waiting. I don’t want to wait TOO though long because I want to be able to have the option of more children one day, but right now seems a bit too rushed to me. I think I’m a bit petrified as well because this experience is enough to turn a woman bitter for life. I don’t want that to happen to me. I realize I just got caught up with the wrong person who ended up not being a good man. That doesn’t mean all men are like this. I just don’t want to risk having another child out of wedlock and having two children to two different men who wanted nothing to do with either. I don’t feel like repeating history! I have to be 100% SURE of the person. Right now, I’m not sure of anyone. That’s very sad, but sadly true! Being a mom is for sure the best thing in the world though. I had no idea what I was missing out on before!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alright, that was my small rant of the day. I don’t have very much more to offer outside of that. I hope everyone has a lovely Tuesday
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