Mummy is under the weather!

I am exhausted. I really hate saying that, but it’s the truth. I’m just beat. I’ve had a funky feeling in my belly for the past few days. No matter what I do, I cannot shake it. I was so sick during the bus ride home yesterday. I had to stop at home before I ran to Walmart to pick up wreath supplies. I felt good enough to eat dinner, but just as the baby and I were finishing, I got sick again! Not an easy task with a mobile, clingy 9 month old! Emerson ended up taking about a 45 minute nap after we had dinner. Bless his little heart. I was so under the weather. Thankfully, after he woke and had a quick bath, he was ready to go back to bed. The entire time I was nursing him to sleep my stomach was gurgling. He was out by about 8pm, so I was able to freely be sick. Not very glamorous. I do not feel any better today and I’m getting a slight cold. I just want to kick this quickly. It’s been a few days and I just feel horrible. On top of that, I have so much to do. My house is a mess. We have toys all over the living room and dirty dishes in the sink. I absolutely cannot stand that. Luckily, I’m working from home tomorrow, so I’ll have time when I’m done to clean up and put away the laundry too.

On top of being sick, I have a lot of wreaths to make. Tomorrow, I have to make one and then on Friday I have to make 3. I sold another 2 wreaths today, but those aren’t due until next Friday, so I have some time. I think I’m trying to make my turn around time too fast. I need to give myself some more days in between. They are made to order, so I’m just afraid that someone will order one, I’ll buy the supplies to make it, and they won’t end up paying me. That’s why I want a quick turnaround time. I’m afraid if too much time goes by, people will forget they ordered a wreath and not have the money to pay me. I know, paranoia, but I’m fronting the cost of the supplies, so I don’t want that to happen to me. Maybe I should generate some kind of generic invoice to send back a day or so after they order, so that it stays fresh in their mind. It’s definitely something to think about!

Last week, I was down to 108lbs. After being sick these last few days, who knows what I’m at. I hope not any less than 108. I’ve gotten a lot of eye brow raises and questionable remarks from people surrounding my weight. I’ve been accused on numerous occasions of doing this on purpose, which I am most certainly not. I’m told all of the time to stop spreading myself so thin, but sometimes that’s impossible. I shouldn’t enjoy my baby, clean my home, work, or have hobbies to gain or maintain weight? That seems a bit crazy to me. On top of that, I’m so tired of people telling me that I need to eat. For the record, I DO EAT. I eat a lot! I never make remarks about counting calories, food being unhealthy, portions, or anything like that when I’m eating, so I don’t know why people think I have such a problem with food! My mother says the same to me all of the time. I eat in front of her and I load up too! I think it’s because I get so busy that I sometimes skip meals on top of pumping and nursing. I don’t try to skip meals. It happens sometimes during the week. I leave work at 3pm. If I have an errand to run afterwards, the baby and I don’t get home until well after 5pm. By that time, I’m starving. I eat a later lunch at work around 1pm, so sometimes there is a big gap between lunch and dinner. It just happens that way sometimes. The last thing I want is for people to think that I’d ever be doing this on purpose. I realize that it doesn’t look great. I am a mom now though and my looks definitely come last on the list. My health should be near the top, but it doesn’t always happen that way. I am trying. It’s really hard to juggle everything. I feel like I’m doing a great job, but sometimes I don’t get everything done and sometimes that includes eating a decent breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Get off of my back! (I’m eating soup right now though!)

I sold a wreath to one of my co-workers today. It was so nice to head into her building and to catch up with people I used to work with. A part of that department is the girl who I used to be friends with that is still friends with Emerson’s dad. Luckily, I didn’t see her. I’m glad. I always feel a little nervous heading into that building because there is always a chance I could run into her. I don’t know why I feel so nervous. I didn’t do anything wrong, but I guess I just would feel awkward seeing her. We were really close for a long time. Anyway, the ladies I worked with asked me when I was going to start dating again. I get this a lot. I just laugh. Not having boy troubles is the best thing in the world. It’s nice to not have someone around to make you feel crappy, or take up your time to just be an asshole later on. I understand that not all men are this way, but in my experience, most of them were. I just don’t have the time for it and I am happy. I don’t need a man or a relationship to complete me. No, I am not talking out of my ass either. If I wanted to, I could, but I truthfully do not want to. No one is worth my time. The only boy I have time for is my Emmie Pie!

Okay, lunch is over and I need to pump! I really hope I get enough milk. Being sick is taking a beating on my supply! The baby needs 12oz a day. I’m barely making it!