Last night was a nightmare with sleep. Em went down fairly easily around 7:45pm. He slept until about 10:30pm, then was up crying and wailing. I brought him into bed with me and nursed. He actually nursed for about 10-15 minutes, so I’m thinking he might have been hungry, or thirsty. That was the only time I nursed though. I’m okay with one time a day. No more than that. He flip flopped pretty much ALL night afterwards. I’ve gotta play hardball tonight and make him stay in his crib. I should have just laid him back down after that nursing session, but I didn’t. I barely slept at all and I know he had a very bad sleep as well. At one point, he tried climbing out of my bed! It was like 12:30am. I woke up because he was crawling all around. I caught him just as he was getting ready to get out of bed. I said very sternly, “It is bedtime” and he laid back down and fell asleep. Of course, he was up a half hour later. I pretty much did that all night-repeated that it was bedtime, then laid him back down, and he fell asleep. I feel okay today. Not very zombie-like, which is a shocker considering I barely slept.
He went from waking two hours after bedtime to three hours, so at least we’re increasing sleep cycles. I’ll just work on building onto that. My left side is finally starting to dry up since I’ve only been nursing once a day and not pumping at all. I’m no longer engorged, which is nice. My boobs are still uneven, but I can see that it’s starting to work towards evening out a bit. Thank God. It made me sad last night thinking that my days of nursing are dwindling. I’m not as sad about not pumping, but the lack of nursing is definitely making me a bit emotional. It’s not just about nursing. It’s the realization that he’s growing and he isn’t a baby anymore. I cannot believe how quickly he went from being a baby to a toddler. I feel like I blinked and it was over. As much as I love watching him learn and grow, I miss just having him be little. I feel like I rush things so much because I know it’ll be easier for me as he can communicate to tell me what he needs and is more independent. I’m trying to work on living in the moment and to just enjoy it more. I am always running around to wash dishes, cook meals, and clean up. All of those things can wait. Emerson growing isn’t waiting though. It makes me so sad. I cannot believe he’s already so big!
He is such a character though and has a really big personality. I feel like a lot of people say that about their toddlers though, but it really is true over here. I can’t even keep up with the goofy things he does every single day. It baffles me at times! There are so many little things I never write about either. Every day, I tell him “Go check on your pup” and he runs to the back door to look out at her. I’m paranoid Kodie will find a way out of the yard, so we’re constantly checking on her. He runs to the door and yells at her. It’s hysterical. He also knows to go to the bathroom door when I say “It’s bath time. Go get ready for Bath!” I keep the door closed because he has a fun habit of trying to climb into the bath tub. He’s still too short to swing his leg over, so I don’t want any accidents. He stands at the door and bangs on it until I open it up. Yes, I realize this might not seem like such a BIG deal to people who have kids older than Emerson, but it’s hysterical the little things they pick up on and are trained to do. For a while, anytime I needed to change his diaper, all I had to do was hand him one and tell him to “Go lay down” He’d plop down on the floor, so I could change him. He caught on now though and anytime I instruct him, he runs and hides! Smarty!
My dad has been pretty sick for the last few months. Not SICK, but in pain. Remember I said the doctors though he was in renal failure? Well, he wasn’t. They did a lot of tests, bloodwork, and an MRI and found nothing, yet the pain persisted. It’s been so crazy the past few months. He literally winces in pain anytime he moves. He can barely pick up Emerson. He says his back and belly hurt. He tries so hard to be himself and to be as active as possible when we visit, but it’s just not the same. Anyway, he went back to the doctors this week and they told him he has gall stones. He’s speaking with a surgeon next week about having his gall bladder removed. It’s sort of bittersweet though. On one hand, we have a solution and an answer to correct this. Finally, he can feel better and hopefully get back to his old self, BUT on the other hand, I’m so worried for them financially. He will NOT be able to work for at least 6 weeks. My dad is a sub-contractor installing carpet and flooring. It’s a very laborious and hard job. He will NOT be able to lift anything heavy, especially 300lb carpet rolls, or be able to install either. He doesn’t get any short-term disability, or anything like that because he’s a sub-contractor. The guy he sub-contracts for is a very fair person, so I’m hoping he works something out with him. I’m just worried. My dad is the breadwinner in the family. Right now, it’s their peak time too, so he’s working A LOT. I know this surgery will be for the better because he’s already having a difficult time making it through work with that pain, but what the hell are they going to do without his income for that period of time? Hopefully, they can just pay all of their bills a little early, so that they don’t suffer too much during that time. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried though. My mom makes hardly NO money and she is constantly picking up extra hours and shifts at the restaurant she works in. She does her part to have an income, but it’s more their extra money and grocery money. It doesn’t really pay the bills. Say a little prayer for them, please. I just want everything to work out! More importantly, I want my dad to feel better!
Last night, I tried PiYo instead of doing T25. I liked it. The workout was longer and a much slower pace. A lot easier, but those workouts don’t feel hard in the moment, but it does creep up on you the next day. I’m not sure I like it enough continue doing it. I need something a little more fast paced than that. I don’t think I can relax enough to do that workout all of the time. Maybe here and there. I think I’m allowing myself to rest tonight though. Sometimes, you just need a break!
Alright. I hope everyone has a super weekend!
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