Emerson slept from 815pm-3am! It was glorious. He was only up for a few minutes, then went right back down until I had to wake him at 545am. I slept wonderfully. It was great. He napped from about 6-7pm. I ended up waking him up. We played for a bit before he had dinner and bath. It was a nice evening. Very mellow, which is how I like it. It was so chilly this morning! Emerson wore long sleeves and pants to daycare today. I wore boots over flip flops today. It’s a sad thought thinking summer is really over. Fall is my favorite time of year, so I don’t really mind, but I’m definitely not looking forward to winter and snow. I hate driving in it and I’ll be even more nervous with a baby in the car. I don’t care if it’s really cold this winter. I just hope it isn’t really snowy. I can’t stand when people beg and wish for snow either. I secretly think those people do it to be annoying. It’s okay to snow here and there, but wiping out days at a time because we’re all snowed in is ridiculous!
I’m so happy it’s the weekend! Emerson and I are meeting my friend tomorrow around 4pm. We’re all going shopping together. I have to pick up a baby shower gift, which I know I already mentioned yesterday. We’re also visiting Once Upon A Child. Emerson needs a jacket for these cold mornings. He doesn’t have one now and I’m sure he didn’t appreciate that this morning when it was so cold out!
I had such a hard time finding something to wear this morning. I never really talk about this because I think people will read it and think I’m just being annoying. Then again, this is my blog and I should be able to be open and write what I want. I’m not trying to make people feel bad, or anything like that. It’s purely the truth. I have absolutely no clothing that fits me anymore. I weighed myself on Monday. I was 112lbs. I am NOT complaining because I dreamed, wished, prayed, and busted my ass for years to never even be this weight. To be it now is an absolute Godsend, but it’s a bit different because I’m not going out, dressing up, buying clothes, etc. All I wanted before was to be able to walk into a store, pick up anything, have it fit, and actually look good. I feel like I have that now, but I can’t execute the latter part because priorities are just different, which isn’t a bad thing. It’s just different to finally have the body I’ve always wanted (plus big boobs), but to not really enjoy it?? I don’t know if ENJOY is the proper term either. It’s just different because I don’t really care about looking cute, or anything like that.
Anyway, everything is huge on me. While I was pregnant, I cleaned out all of my closets and got rid of all of my smaller jeans, tops, etc. I never thought I’d ever be able to fit such small sizes, especially after having a baby. I regret that so much now! I wish I had all of those clothes to go through now. I ended up settling on a pair of jeggings that are still a bit big, but fit better than the actual jeans I have in my closet. I paired that with a dress that is ridiculously too big on my waist. I threw a scarf on top of it to help disguise how big the dress actually is. I guess it looks okay enough. I just think it would be MORE FUN to be this size/weight if I had clothes to choose from that actually fit me. I’m wearing jeans that are up to 3 sizes too big! Also, I have such anxiety about gaining a ton of weight back after I’m done breastfeeding. It really scares me. I don’t care who has an opinion over this blog entry either. I know I’m probably getting many eye rolls from people who have yet to lose the baby weight from ten years ago. This is something I battle and struggle with. Weight has never been a very easy thing for me. I don’t think a lot of people know that because it isn’t something I address very often. It’s real though. I don’t want to end up packing on 30lbs. I still haven’t figured out how to work exercise into my regime. I’ve started to eat A LOT healthier, which is half the battle. I’m trying to prepare my body for the shock of a life. Emerson is going to be 8 months in a couple of weeks. I plan on weaning most of these feedings at 1 year. I’ll keep the nighttime feedings, but all of these extra calories I’m burning is going to severely decrease. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get there, but it does suck to feel like a slob/bum every single day because my clothes fit so terribly. I don’t have much room in the budget to correct that either. We’ll see how it works over the next few weeks.
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